Title: 谁把谁当真 (Winner Takes All)
Translator: 月野 見事 (TsukinoMigoto)
Protagonists ：黎朔 (LiShuo), 赵锦辛 (ZhaoJinXin)
For the next few days, Li Shuo didn’t go out. Wen Xiaohui would come for an hour or two every day, watching him eat his food, and then leave safely. The person who is who usually straightforward is extra careful with his words at this time.
Except for pretending to be calm when talking with his mother, Li Shuo is a bit depressed most of the time. He wants to save his good face and fortunately, only Wen Xiaohui saw him as he is now.
These days there is always a sense of unreality in the air around him. Sometimes he feels like everything he had heard that day was only a dream, and sometimes he feels like everything that had happened between him and Zhao Jinxin was just a dream in itself, because reality shouldn’t be so dramatic and it shouldn’t be so ugly. In any case, it is difficult for him to accept that he will sink like this. He knows rationally that he should say goodbye to the failed past freely and easily, but he can’t do it emotionally. This kind of despair of seeing himself being out of control and helpless, unable to save the relationship is the most frustrating this. He is in pain.
This time, even rationality doesn’t work on him.
On Monday morning, Li Shuo received a call from his assistant asking him why he hasn’t come to the company yet.
Li Shuo was still half asleep at the time and he was a little confused when he heard the question.
The assistant paused mid-sentence: “Mr. Li, are you still sleeping?”
Li Shuo suddenly remembered that today he was supposed to go to Ennan to study the quarterly report. As early as when he was back in Yangcheng, the assistant had reminded him, but now his mind is very empty and he can’t remember a thing.
Li Shuo rubbed his eyes: “I’m sorry, I… I drank too much.” He casually made up a clumsy excuse. He actually hoped that he had really drank too much and woke up with a hangover instead of waking up like this. Waking up to a reality that is worst than a hangover.
“Wow.” The assistant said jokingly. “Mr. Li, I have been with you for four years. You have never missed work. Did you just broke up with someone?”
The assistant was just a casually joking with him but Li Shuo’s heart tightened. It was as if he was torn apart and his whole body shuddered.
Seeing that Li Shuo did not speak, the assistant realized that he had made a mistake and said hurriedly: “Mr. Li, I’m kidding, you should rest at home if you are not feeling well. We will report to you after we have finished our study.”
Li Shuo knew that he was scaring the little assistant. He is an easy-going person and he got along with his subordinates like friends. Today’s abnormality—whether it’s forgetting an important business matter or not being able to take jokes, is indeed enough to surprise the people around him. He covered his eyes with the back of his hand and said wearily: “Well, send a summary to my mailbox. If you have any questions, call me anytime.”
Li Shuo hung up the phone and he slowly put down his hand, picked up the remote control on the bedside table and turn on the switch for the curtains to open.
As the curtains retreated to both sides, the dazzling sunlight diffused into the bedroom, and the area covered by the golden patch grew wider and wider, until it spilled on him. He narrowed his eyes unbearably, but he felt it again. A long absence of warmth.
If the sun can really kill bacteria, isn’t it better to just kill him completely? He just lay under the sunlight, holding a ridiculous piety.
It wasn’t until the sun burned his brain that he was a little dizzy that he got up from the bed and wandered around the bedroom.
A shaggy face was reflected in the mirror, the upper eyelid was swollen, and the lower eyelid was bluish. In just a few days, he was thin and the cheekbones could vaguely be seen, unlike the old Li Shuo, who was always proud of the spring breeze.
He looked into the mirror without blinking. The more he looked, the angrier he became.
Why do you want to turn yourself into such a state? He wonder.
He took off his pajamas forcefully, walked into the shower room naked, and turned on the faucet without hesitation. Now it is early autumn, and the water temperature is very cold. He was trembling from the coldness and the hair on his skin stood up.
After taking a shower, he shaves while looking in the mirror, but he didn’t know whether it was because it is difficult to concentrate or if his eyes were dry and swollen that he accidentally cut the skin with a knife and the blood flowed down his chin instantly. He took out a tissue to cover the breach. The tissue was soon soaked in blood.
He threw the razor angrily, supporting the washstand with both hands weakly, unable to lift his head for a long time.
Inexplicably, Zhao Jinxin’s frivolous phrase “I haven’t played enough” sounded in his ears again.
I haven’t played enough.
I haven’t played enough.
What was Zhao Jinxin’s expression like at the time? Mocking? Proud? What is Shao Qun’s expression? Despised? Looking down on him? He only knew that he was standing outside the door and his face seemed to burn in the next second.
His cultivation base is not strong enough and his heart is not big enough. For that, he still can’t let go of it.
He clung to the marble table tightly until his finger bones turned blue and white because of too much force.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
Li Shuo jerked up and raised his head. He thought that Wen Xiaohui should have come here. He quickly wiped off the blood on his chin, put on his bathrobe and rushed to open the door.
The moment the door opened, he froze.
It was not Wen Xiaohui who carried a pile of big and small bags every day with a hearty and beautiful smile, but it was Zhao Jinxin, who was expressionless.
Li Shuo felt that his blood was frozen in an instant, and then the tiny blood vessels broke and burst one by one in his body, and his body kept feeling throbbing pain. He lowered his head subconsciously, not wanting Zhao Jinxin to see his embarrassment, his hand was made into a fist behind his back, and he said in a deep voice: “Come and get something? Just give me back the key to my house.”
Zhao Jinxin reached out to him: “Your chin…”
Li Shuo’s eyes changed and he opened his eyes suddenly.
There was a “slap” sound, like a slap in the face of someone who didn’t know who was slapped in the face, where they touched, the bones collided, the skin rubbed, and the pain was so hot that they both froze.
Li Shuo knew that he had overreacted, but he could hardly restrain the resistance in his body, and said coldly: “It’s just from shaving, give me back my key.”
Zhao Jinxin lowered his eyes, took a step forward and wanted to come in.
Li Shuo did not let go of the door and blocked him: “Your things are all packed.” He bent down, picked up a bag from the door and threw it at Zhao Jinxin’s feet. If Zhao Jinxin doesn’t come, he intends to throw it away. He stretched out his hand and repeated, “Key”.
“I’m here to send you the information, you didn’t come to the meeting today, I’m worried about you…” Zhao Jinxin shook the information in his hand.
“I just overslept.” Li Shuo took the information, and said with emphasis: “The key.”
Zhao Jinxin stared into Li Shuo’s eyes and said softly, “I didn’t bring it.”
“Then throw it away.” Li Shuo was about to close the door.
Zhao Jinxin held on to the door, raised his head, looked directly at Li Shuo, and solemnly said: “Li Shuo, I’m sorry.”
Li Shuo’s heart trembled fiercely, and an anger hit him hard. He abruptly held back: “I don’t accept it, get out.” He was about to close the door again. But the hand against the door was full of force as it holds back. Li Shuo pushed hard but he couldn’t fight his strength. He narrowed his eyes: “What do you mean by doing this?”
Zhao Jinxin pursed his lips, looked into Li Shuo’s eyes deeply, and whispered: “I don’t want this.”
“Of course you don’t want this, after all, you haven’t played enough yet.” Maybe he is already used to it so it’s no longer a big deal for him to cut open his wound repeatedly.
“No.” Zhao Jinxin said clearly word by word, “I didn’t intend to hurt you.”
What a ridiculous thing, but Li Shuo couldn’t laugh: “Then what did you plan to do? When you haven’t played enough, you confessed to me and tell me that you want to have a serious relationship. But once you have played enough, find a decent reason to break up, everything will follow your mind, isn’t this your plan?” Li Shuo trembled and bit his posterior molar, “Why do I deserve to be teased by you like this? Just because I like you?” The word ‘like’ is almost chewed up by Li Shuo, swallowed, and then vomited out with blood.
‘Like’ is clearly one of the most beautiful words in the world but now it has become an abomination.
‘Like’ had completely ruined him.
Zhao Jinxin’s eyelashes trembled slightly: “I really like you…”
“You don’t deserve to say that word.” That word is like a curse to Li Shuo now, “Do you think I don’t know what you are thinking? You are still young, and you might like me today but tomorrow you mat start to like another so you want to be in an open relationship.” He smiled coldly, “But not with me. Do you hear me clearly? I don’t want to. Everything you do makes me feel sick, just like your cousin. You are worthy of being a family.”
Zhao Jinxin frowned, he looked at Li Shuo sadly: “Uncle Li, I’m sorry…”
“Let go.” Li Shuo said blankly.
“…Thank you for my birthday.”
“Let go!” Li Shuo pushed him hard and staggered before slamming the door of the house shut.
Across the door, Li Shuo seemed to still be able to feel the breath of Zhao Jinxin. He panted to contain the almost overflowing grief and anger. He squatted on the ground with his head in his arms, clenched his hands into fists and thumped hard a few times on his head.
After a long time, Li Shuo finally got up from the ground and returned to the bathroom. His beard had not been shaved and the wound was bleeding. His eyes were also red. The whole person looked sloppy and decadent, unlike a man but like a bereaved dog.
Yes, in this game of hearts, he had lost completely and terribly.
Li Shuo looked at himself embarrassed in the mirror and let out a long and angry growl. The roar made his chest tremble, and the roar echoed in his mind, with a deafening effect, as if to wake him up roughly. He didn’t know how to cringe from the self in the dark.
The trash in the mirror is not him. Not Li Shuo! No one can turn him into this state! Not Li Shuo!
He grabbed the razor, carefully hung up the messy stubble, washed away the dried blood, and dry his messy hair, then returned to the bedroom, picked up a piece of clothing, put it on, took the key and wallet, and went out.
He needs to bask in the sun, get in touch with the crowd, and clean up all the dark and hostile spirits that linger around him.
After all, it’s just a heartbreak.
It’s just a heartbreak.
Li Shuo called Wen Xiaohui and asked him to have dinner. Wen Xiaohui heard that he is outside and became overjoyed that he rushed to the restaurant as quickly as possible.
Wen Xiaohui was surprised when he saw him: “Brother Li, you have been cooped up for so many days, now you finally sort it out!”
Li Shuo smiled faintly: “Although the food you brought is delicious, I don’t want to eat takeaway anymore.”
“Hahaha or I make it for you.”
Wen Xiaohui looked at Li Shuo without blinking, smiling.
Li Shuo touched his chin: “Well, I got it when I shaved, it’s okay, and my complexion is not very good, right?”
“But you’re still handsome.” Wen Xiaohui blinked at him, “I’m relieved to see that you are getting better.”
Li Shuo smiled: “I will be fine.”
Wen Xiaohui did not change his true colors and kept adjusting the atmosphere during the meal. The two were talking and laughing.
After eating, Li Shuo proposed to go shopping.
“Let’s walk around, what do you want to buy? I’m close to a professional-level buyer, and I promise to dress you blindly.”
“Just take a look, it’s mainly for you.”
“Buy things for me?” Wen Xiaohui pointed at himself, “Why do you wanna buy for me?”
“I want to spend money.” Li Shuo rubbed his hair, “I want to spend money on you.”
Wen Xiaohui hugged his arm and called him affectionately: “Daddy.”
Li Shuo laughed aloud. He knew that Wen Xiaohui couldn’t be short of money, even if he didn’t count his own high income, Luo Yi was still raising money for him, but his emotions needed some proper venting.
The two checked out and went straight to the mall. Li Shuo quietly watched Wen Xiaohui try on clothes, choose matching, tangled between different colors, and mumbled that these pants are not well-shaped and that those shoes are not suitable for pads. When he was shopping with his mother, it was so much fun. He never got impatient, as long as the other party had a satisfied smile on his face.
Even though this likable big boy does not belong to him, he can still get the feeling of being ‘needed’ from him-that’s exactly what he needs now.
After a few hours of shopping, Luo Yi called three times and Wen Xiaohui couldn’t hold it anymore, so he had to go back.
Li Shuo brought him shopping bags and sent him to the car.
Wen Xiaohui smiled brilliantly: “Brother Li, thank you.”
“Are you happy today?” Li Shuo looked at him gently.
“That’s good, now go back.” Li Shuo closed the car door for him.
Wen Xiaohui lowered the car window and flew a kiss at him: “Brother Li, take care.”
Li Shuo gave him a thumbs up: “Be careful on the road.”
Wen Xiaohui’s car drove away, Li Shuo stood by the street, watching the car until it disappeared.
It’s really uncomfortable to be alone… Li Shuo decided to go to Sanya for an inspection in a few days. After the inspection, he plan to return to the United States where he has his home.
He got in the car, hesitated for a moment, took out his cell phone, and dialed a number: “Hey, Xiao Qi, this is Li Shuo, are you free today…?”
Li Shuo came home, tidied the room a bit, and then sat on the sofa in a daze.
He actually regretted the call, but if he refused again, wouldn’t it be a joke?
He just wants someone to accompany him, not that he wants to prove anything.
Li Shuo, what do you want to prove? He asked himself.
The doorbell rang and Li Shuo came to his senses. He walked over and opened the door.
At the door stood a handsome, sunny boy who is not tall. He is thin and stylishly dressed: “Hi, brother, it’s been a while.”
Li Shuo smiled and said, “It’s been a while since I saw you, come in.”
The boy’s name is Xiaoqi. Li Shuo didn’t know his full or real name. The two met in a bar. They had sex a few times. After meeting Li Chengxiu, they never contacted again. He didn’t know what he was thinking today but he called and the other party answered.
“Brother, your face is not looking good, are you sick?”
Li Shuo shook his head: “I’ve been too busy lately, I can’t rest well, it’s okay.”
“Oh, you look thinner.” Xiao Qi stretched out and looked around, “Your house is so big, have I been here once? I don’t have any impression anymore.”
“You have been here.” Li Shuo said, “Have you eaten?”
“Not yet.” Xiao Qi took Li Shuo’s arm and said coquettishly, “Brother, do you wanna cook for me?”
“Okay, what do you want to eat?”
“Whatever you want to make.”
“There are not many ingredients at home, so I will just make something quick.” Li Shuo smiled and said, “Let’s watch TV.”
Li Shuo opened the refrigerator. Wen Xiaohui bought some vegetables for the salad and the rest was leftovers. He could not give people the leftovers but there was really nothing to make, so he only cooked two bowls of noodles.
Xiao Qi didn’t mind and he ate happily. He also told Li Shuo about his experience of internship. He complained about the boss’s best quality and the male colleague’s who were upset. Li Shuo listened with a smile. He didn’t care about what Xiaoqi said. It’s just that this big house needs some noise.
After eating, the two of them watched a movie together. As they watch, Xiao Qi sat on Li Shuo, holding his face and started kissing him.
Li Shuo held his slender waist, responded skillfully, but his heart was deadly calm.
They kissed for a while and Xiao Qi frowned slightly: “Brother, what’s the matter with you?”
When there is no passion in kissing, it is easy to tell.
Li Shuo smiled: “It’s nothing.” He hugged Xiaoqi’s waist, pressed the boy on the sofa, kissed his cheek and neck, and gently removed his clothes.
Xiao Qi teased him hard, obviously turned on.
The two rolled from the sofa to the wool carpet. Every step of the foreplay seemed to follow the rules, but inwardly, Li Shuo felt a resistance.
He forced himself to immerse in the pleasure set in front of him. But under these two contradictions, he could no longer concentrate. Instead, he was fighting against the idea in his mind that went against his will. Finally, He doesn’t even know what his true wishes are!
“Brother…” Xiao Qi whispered.
Li Shuo came back to his senses and looked at him panickily.
Xiao Qi said awkwardly: “If you don’t want to do it then don’t.”
Li Shuo realized that he hadn’t reacted yet, his mind was messed up, and Zhao Jinxin’s face appeared uncontrollably, which made him detest it all.
He stood up and said in a deep voice, “Xiao Qi, I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay.” Xiao Qi also got up and touched his face, “You are not in the mood, did something happen?”
Li Shuo shook his head: “Sorry.”
“…Did you get your heart broken?” Xiao Qi raised his eyebrows.
Li Shuo was startled and did not speak.
“Hey.” Xiao Qi hugged his head and kissed his forehead. “I’m very happy that you look for me today, but we don’t have to do it. If you are in a bad mood, I can just chat with you.”
Li Shuo looked at the hearty boy with shame, and whispered mechanically, “Sorry…”
“It’s okay, it’s a heart broken, it’s human nature.” Xiao Qi got up from the carpet, and pulled Li Shuo up, “Come on, let’s continue watching the movie, oops, I’m hungry again, let me order takeaway, I want to eat skewers, and a dozen more beers. Let’s liven things up tonight.”
Li Shuo smiled, and feels relieved: “Okay.”
Li Shuo ordered takeaway. The two of them ate and watched the movie while chatting. Apart from having sex, they also had some common language, such as football, music, and a few bottles of wine. Xiao Qi told Li Shuo about his work troubles. Enlighten him with rich experience and chat very speculatively.
Unknowingly, they talked until midnight, and the two climbed onto the bed in a drunken state, and fell asleep.
The next day, Li Shuo woke up with a hangover. His mind was still groggy, and he felt warm skin on his hands. He habitually mumbled: “Jin Xin…”
As soon as these two words blurted out, Li Shuo opened his eyes. He sat up as if getting an electric shock, staring at the person next to the pillow.
The one who is sleeping soundly beside him has a fair and handsome face.
He is not Zhao Jinxin.
At that moment, Li Shuo’s heart felt the weightlessness as if he had fallen off a cliff. The feeling of turning steeply downhill was creepy. He couldn’t tell whether he was lucky or lost.
He sighed deeply, rubbing his tousled hair, hesitating whether to get up or to just go on sleeping.
Suddenly, he heard the sound of the door lock turning in the living room, and he straightened his back.
The next second, the door was opened. He got off the bed, rushing towards the living room.
It couldn’t be……
He ran to the living room and collided with Zhao Jinxin who came in carrying something.
Both of them were stunned.
Li Shuo came back to his senses and looked at him incredulously: “Who allowed you to come in?”
Zhao Jinxin did not answer. He patrolled the living room. From a pile of scraps and wine bottles on the coffee table, he saw a few clothes lying casually on the carpet, then to the canvas shoes at the door, and finally, Li Shuo’s naked upper body and neck with some hickeys on them.
Zhao Jinxin’s eyes changed, becoming cold and gloomy. He threw away what was in his hand and strode towards the bedroom.
Li Shuo stepped forward, pushed him abruptly, and shouted, “Get out!”
Zhao Jinxin looked at him with a fierce look: “Who is it? Who is in the room?”
“None of your business?”
“Stop talking nonsense.”
Zhao Jinxin is still going to the bedroom. Li Shuo grabbed his collar and said coldly: “Zhao Jinxin, let me say it again, get out, and completely disappear from my house, from my eyes, and from my life.”
Zhao Jinxin stared at Li Shuo, his eyes were a little congested, and he said as if he hadn’t heard Li Shuo, “Who did you look for?”
“Get–” Li Shuo desperately pushed his chest back.
After Zhao Jinxin took two steps back, his footsteps were like nails, and he did not move a step again. He grabbed Li Shuo’s hand, stared directly into his eyes, and then breaks his hand free.
Li Shuo was pale and angry.
Zhao Jinxin finally broke away his two hands, flung to the side, and then rushed into the bedroom without hesitation.
Li Shuo yelled angrily and ran after him.
Next Update: 2021/8/23
*Translator’s Note: I didn’t proofread. I don’t have the time so forgive me for any mistakes. Give me two weeks to update the next chapter this time. I’m busy with writing my thesis. Sorry. Oh and don’t worry. Our Uncle Li will not forgive Zhao Jin Xin easily. He will be driven into a wall and it’s a pleasure to watch nyahahahahaha!