In the end, it was Chang Ying who solved the case for him. He wasn’t seeing double; Seventeen and Eighteen were twins. Song Jian hadn’t expected that a world full of NPC-like people could actually have two completely identical people.
He had said just buy anything, and Seventeen and Eighteen went whoosh and flew away.
What amazing qinggong.
Speaking of which.
Song Jian turned back and asked Chang Ying, “Am I the shadow guard with the best qinggong in the Tiancha Division?”
Chang Ying confidently patted his chest. “Absolutely! It wouldn’t even be an exaggeration to say you’re the shadow guard with the best qinggong in the entire capital! No one can compare to you!”
Song Jian pondered for a moment. “It’s like this. I have a friend who woke up one day and discovered he had forgotten everything from before, and also didn’t know how to use his internal energy anymore…”
Chang Ying: “Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.”
Song Jian: “?”
“I haven’t finished talking.”
Chang Ying immediately became serious, leaned over, and said earnestly, “Please continue.”
Song Jian: “And I’m not telling a joke either.”
Chang Ying narrowed his eyes. “Then you must be telling the story of a fool.”
Song Jian: “(smile)”
funny mud go pee.1A Chinese internet meme written in fake English, sounding like “放你妈的狗屁” (“Bullshit!” / “What nonsense!”).
Song Jian turned and left.
Chang Ying was still shouting behind him, “My lord! My lord! Why aren’t you continuing! Say a couple more lines! It’s pretty funny, my lord!”
Song Jian walked out of the gates of the Tiancha Division. Chang Ying leaped out from over the wall and landed beside him. “My lord, what are you going to do?”
Song Jian: “Learn the roads.”
Chang Ying was shocked. “When Seventeen said you had damaged your brain from the fall, I didn’t believe it! You really don’t remember anything?!”
Song Jian didn’t remember, and of course he couldn’t remember. That day in the Golden Throne Hall, the rebellious minister had shouted his name and told him to assassinate the Emperor. The fact that he hadn’t been treated as an accomplice and cut down on the spot was already fortunate enough.
Moreover, Song Jian genuinely didn’t remember what this body had done before. The only thing he could do was clear himself of suspicion and preserve his life.
Most importantly, he still had to learn how to lead a group of workhorse shadow guards.
Haha.
I might as well just die.
Without looking back, Song Jian walked forward. “I don’t remember. It would be great if you could help me recall things. If you could teach me how to use my internal energy to fly over roofs and run along walls, that would be even better.”
“Helping you remember won’t be difficult at all.” Chang Ying followed closely behind and, with a chua sound, pulled a portrait out from his chest.
“You, Lord Song Jian. At only nineteen years old, you became the leader of the Tiancha Division’s shadow guards. You are His Majesty’s most trusted personal guard. Besides that, a famous handsome man of the capital, number one in qinggong in Great Yan, the only idol publicly acknowledged by the Heir of Prince Ying’s estate. These are all your titles.”
Song Jian nodded. “Mm, mm, mm. What else?”
Chang Ying shook the portrait in his hand again. “What else? Isn’t this portrait enough? This is a portrait personally painted for you by the great painter Qi Jingzhi! It was because this portrait spread around that you won the title of the most handsome shadow guard!”
“It is said that after the great painter Qi met you once, he could never forget you and became ill from lovesick worries. After finally recovering from a serious illness three months later, he painted this portrait. This—”
Song Jian suddenly stopped walking and stretched out a hand. “Wait a second?!! You’re saying this portrait is of me!”
Chang Ying shook it again and blinked. I made this rubbing and added it to your collection for you. Isn’t it handsome?”
Song Jian leaned backward.
You’re telling me this guy—with eyes like peas, a nose like a pickled garlic bulb, and a face shaped like a shoehorn—is me???
Unable to believe it, he leaned in for another look, then looked up, then back down at the portrait, then up again.
Chang Ying: “OvO”
Such, such an abstract art style.
How exactly did the people of the capital determine from this single portrait that he was the most handsome shadow guard?
Chang Ying held up the portrait. Song Jian pointed at it with a trembling hand. They kept shaking there for a long moment before Song Jian finally managed to say: “Y-y-you go get a mirror for me to look at.”
Since transmigrating here, he hadn’t yet seen what he looked like. An abstract art style was one thing, but what if he really looked like this?
Chang Ying immediately accepted the order and flew back to bring out a bronze mirror.
Song Jian covered his eyes.
Using the signature pose of the Coconut Tree brand2refers to the advertisements of the Chinese coconut drink brand Coconut Palm (椰树牌). The brand is famous online for its outdated, awkward, and unintentionally hilarious ad style, often featuring stiff poses and enthusiastic product displays., Chang Ying held up the bronze mirror. “Look over here, my lord!”
Song Jian spent quite a while mentally preparing himself before leaning his face over and lifting his eyelids. First he saw the right side of his face.
Good. Golden right side.3“Golden right side” (黄金右脸) is a Chinese internet expression referring to a person’s supposedly most photogenic angle—the right side of their face.
Then move.
Move, move, move.
Then Song Jian saw his own face in the bronze mirror. They were exactly the same as before he transmigrated. Even the small red mole at the corner of his eye was in precisely the same position. He blinked and leaned in for a careful inspection.
It really was the same.
There was nothing more to say. This was genuinely handsome. Since he was already this handsome, an abstract art style could be abstract.
Satisfied, Song Jian stepped back and waved his hand. “Take the mirror back. I’m going to take a walk.”
Chang Ying whooshed onto the top of a wall. “My lord, wait for me! I’ll take you around!”
Song Jian made an OK sign and waited in place for Chang Ying.
What he hadn’t expected was that half a quarter-hour later, Chang Ying was flying through the air while Song Jian was running after him on the ground.
Chang Ying swooshed over a palace wall. “This is Wuhua Hall~~~~”
“This is Yanning Palace~~~~”
“Ahead is Jinglong Garden~~~~”
“Imperial Garden~~~~”
After flying around for most of the day, Chang Ying turned around. “My lord???” Where was he?
Song Jian was still behind Wuhua Hall: “^^”
Thank you. Before his lawyer arrives, he will not say a single word.
Song Jian turned back after reaching Yanning Palace. With such an enormous palace, how long would it take if he relied on walking? He decided to go back first and learn how to use internal energy.
To do one’s work well, one must first sharpen one’s tools.
Mm!
When Chang Ying returned to the Tiancha Division, he saw his lord hopping squares in the courtyard. He squatted on the wall and scratched his head.
With a click, the tiles beside him made a light sound, and another figure landed.
Long Xiao, one eye covered, lowered his gaze toward the person below. “Has my lord really become stupid?”
Chang Ying stroked his chin. “Seems he said he forgot how to use internal energy.”
Long Xiao: “?”
The person in the courtyard finished hopping the pattern once, then turned around, hopped back to the starting point, and began a second round.
Click.
Song Feng also landed on the wall.
He asked, “Has my lord become stupid?”
Long Xiao: “Seems he said he forgot how to use internal energy.”
Not long after, Wu Chang landed as well.
Wu Chang: “Has my lord become stupid?”
Song Feng: “Seems he said he forgot how to use internal energy.”
Half a quarter-hour later, Seventeen and Eighteen also came up, landing one on each side. “Has my lord become stupid?”
Long Xiao, Song Feng, Wu Chang, and Chang Ying said in unison, “Seems he said he forgot how to use internal energy.”
After hopping squares more than ten times as a warm-up, Song Jian looked up and discovered six people squatting neatly in formation on the wall in front of him, all wearing the same expression: O.o?
“…”
Song Jian silently walked a few steps, then looked up. “It’s actually pretty fun. Want to give it a try?”
The six people lightly jumped down from the wall.
Long Xiao said, “We used to play it too, but we didn’t do it on the ground.”
Song Jian: “Then where?”
Long Xiao raised a hand and pointed. “We hop on rooftops.”
The others nodded along.
Song Jian looked at Chang Ying.
Chang Ying said, “Using the colors of palace rooftops as dividing lines, the current record holder of the Tiancha Division is…”
Chang Ying grinned. “Me.”
Song Jian’s words caught in his throat. After a moment, he patted Chang Ying on the shoulder. “Run Ying, there is now a sad, thick barrier between us.”4“我们之间已经隔了一层可悲的厚障壁了” is a reference to a famous line from My Old Home by Lu Xun: “There seemed to be a sad, thick barrier between us.” Song Jian is joking that Chang Ying is so absurdly talented at qinggong that the gap between them is now enormous. As for “闰鹰”, it’s a deliberate nickname joke. Song Jian suddenly changes Chang Ying (长鹰) to Run Ying (闰鹰)
Chang Ying: “Don’t be discouraged, my lord. The reason you don’t have a record is because you never liked playing such a boring game. If you start now, the next record holder will definitely be—”
At that point, Chang Ying froze.
Song Jian smiled faintly.
Excuse me, please move aside. My joker nose just fell off.5This is a Chinese internet meme used when someone feels they’ve been made to look foolish or embarrassing.
Song Jian: “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that this time. Don’t say it again next time.”
Chang Ying: “(Yan Lili wink)”6“Yan Lili wink” references a famous meme reaction image of Yan Lili from Balala the Fairies, used to convey playful, cheeky smugness.
Everyone in the Tiancha Division could fly except Song Jian. He was so angry that he ate two extra steamed buns at noon. As a result, not long after leaving the dining hall, he smelled roast duck.
Oh, right. Long Xiao had bought roast duck from Zuixian Tower.
Song Jian, who had eaten two extra steamed buns: “…”
Holding a duck leg, Chang Ying happily ran over. “My lord, I saved the duck leg for you.”
How helpless. Even more helpless than a middle-aged man suffering from erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
Song Jian: “No need. Just teach me how to fly over roofs and run along walls this afternoon.”
Chang Ying took a bite of duck leg meat. “Really don’t want it, my lord? It’s delicious.”
Song Jian chewed sorrowfully.
Shit. I’m filing a lawsuit against my life, even if I have to borrow the money.
That afternoon, with a belly full of steamed buns, Song Jian learned quite a lot of useful things from Chang Ying, Long Xiao, and the others. But perhaps because the useful things were too dry, Song Jian had difficulty digesting them. The first time he flew onto a wall, he got stuck on it.
Trembling, he straddled the wall.
Chang Ying: “What are you doing, my lord? Hurry down!”
Song Jian hugged a tree branch stretching over nearby and swallowed. “Nothing. I hang myself from the southeast branch.”7It’s from the classic poem/story The Peacock Flies Southeast (孔雀东南飞), where the line is associated with suicide.
Long Xiao: “…”
Song Feng: “…”
Wu Chang: “…”
A quarter-hour later.
Chang Ying: “My lord, are you still not done hanging?”
Song Jian calmly said, “Not yet.”
Two quarter-hours later.
Long Xiao: “My lord, it’s time to come down.”
Song Jian remained composed. “Let me hang a little longer.”
An hour later.
Song Feng: “My lord…”
“The southeast branch is about to break.”
The next second, with a crack.
Song Jian: “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
“Goddammit! Holy shit, shit, shit, shit!!!”
In panic he punched and kicked wildly in the air, but the painful sensation of coughing blood from a fall never arrived. The surroundings were very quiet. Song Jian opened his eyes and discovered that he had landed steadily on the ground.
Eh?
Song Jian looked up.
Had he just flown down like that?
Following the memory of what his body had done just now, he took off again, then landed, then took off, then landed, then took off, then landed…
At that moment, inside the Imperial Study, Xiao Yinghuai was reviewing memorials. After hearing Gong Defu’s report, the tip of the brush in his hand split, leaving another bright red blob on a memorial of complaint from Minister Gao of the Ministry of Revenue.
Xiao Yinghuai raised the brush slightly and said calmly, “You’re saying that after getting up today, he went to the dining hall and ate five steamed buns, then stuffed two baked cakes and an egg into his clothes, then walked all the way to Yanning Palace, and is now outside jumping walls, having jumped thirty-two times in a row.”
Gong Defu wiped away sweat. “This old servant would not dare deceive Your Majesty.”
Xiao Yinghuai’s brows knitted tightly. He said nothing and merely lowered his head to look once more at the memorial in his hand.
It read:
Your servant Gao Kaiji respectfully submits this memorial. Today I impeach Minister of Personnel Tang Lai for lacking personal virtue and possessing improper official conduct. He often gathers with his associates in private to gossip and wag their tongues. Your servant feels both indignant and wronged. Your Majesty is wise and mighty; I hope Your Majesty will uphold justice.
Xiao Yinghuai: “…”
This was already the sixth memorial of complaint he had received this month. This time there wasn’t even the phrase “You are truly noisy.” There was only a bright red blob.
Xiao Yinghuai tossed aside the memorial. “If his body is unharmed, have him stand guard at Yanning Palace tomorrow night.”
Gong Defu could not help feeling worried. “The matter of Lord Song colluding with Prince Heng’s faction has yet to reach a conclusion. If he stands guard alone, would that not place Your Majesty in a dangerous situation?”
Xiao Yinghuai said indifferently, “I know.”
Gong Defu still wanted to say something.
Xiao Yinghuai raised his eyes, his gaze icy. “He cannot kill me.”
Of course Gong Defu knew this. Back when Xiao Yinghuai had still resided in the Eastern Palace, he had already been able to subdue the Great General Yan Chong within three moves. Everyone in the world knew that Yan Chong’s martial arts were unrivaled under heaven, yet no one knew that the current Son of Heaven surpassed him.
But even so, Gong Defu did not dare gamble the Emperor’s safety on even the slightest possibility.
With a thump, he knelt down and wanted to start crying and wailing again.
Xiao Yinghuai accurately predicted it and threw out a sentence:
“You’re talking too much. Leave.”
Gong Defu, whose mouth was only half open: “…”
You can read the full completed story here with instant full access. ✨
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Grace On GHLCS Chapter160