DIHBSG chapter 3

After Gong Defu and Imperial Physician Mao left, there was no one else by Son g Jian’s side. He lay prone on the bed, resting while pondering the current situation.

He seemed to have transmigrated into a dynasty that did not exist in history, right when he was so sleepy from his 8 a.m. class that he wished he were dead.

Transmigrated just like that, and the light boat had already crashed into a giant iceberg.¹This is a parody of the popular Chinese internet phrase: 轻舟已过万重山. which is often used to mean “what’s done is done” or “the difficult part is already behind us.”

The key point was that Song Jian knew absolutely nothing about this dynasty. Even the tiny bit of superiority he had as someone from the 21st century was gone. He only knew that he was the current emperor’s personal guard, the leader of the shadow guards of the Tiancha Division, and a workhorse personally appointed by the Son of Heaven.

Hah~

He had even entered the workforce ahead of schedule.

As for what kind of place the Tiancha Division was, based on the name and the context, Song Jian could barely guess that it was a means of strengthening imperial power. The organization answered directly to the central authority and only obeyed the emperor’s orders.²Tiancha Division (天察司)literally means: Heavenly Inspection Division

Got it. He was the court’s hound, His Majesty’s claw.

He had seen this kind of thing in TV dramas before. Shadow guards like them specialized in doing dirty work for the emperor that could not be brought into the light, helping suspicious emperors stage acts of “the rabbit dies, the hunting dog gets cooked.”³It’s an idiom meaning: Once someone is no longer useful, they’re disposed of, or used and then thrown away.

Song Jian, who did not even dare kill a chicken: “^^”

Wonderful. It’s work involving murder and arson!

He’s done for!

Song Jian got up and planned to find a hemp rope and hang himself.

Rules were dead, and people could be too.⁴This is a dark joke based on the saying “Rules are dead, people are alive” (规矩是死的，人是活的), meaning that rules can be flexible depending on the situation. The author twists it into “规矩是死的，人也可以是”, literally meaning “The rules are dead, and people can be too.”

He rummaged through boxes and cabinets for a long time before finally finding one, but the beam was too high and he could not reach it.

Song Jian looked at the beam above his head: “…”

That’s right. He did not know how to use this body’s internal energy at all. He could not fly onto roofs or run along walls. He would only fall to his death before he could hang himself.

How was this not a good way to seek death? (smiling.jpg)

Song Jian threw down the rope and sat cross-legged back on the bed.

“Grrrrowl~~~”

The miserable cry of Song Jian’s stomach echoed through the empty room.

So hungry.

Song Jian covered his cramping stomach and buried his head for a while, but he was still hungry. The prescription Imperial Physician Mao had left behind was under the pillow. Song Jian took it out and looked at it.

One second later, Song Jian closed his eyes.

He suspected Imperial Physician Mao had some unknown side job. This talisman drawing was pretty good.

Song Jian decided to find a helper. Recalling the name Gong Defu had called, he got up and pushed open the door.

“Chang Ying?”

The moment Song Jian’s words fell, a person flipped upside down from the beam of the corridor outside the door.

“I’m here.”

“Holy shit!!!”

Song Jian was so startled that he sucked in a sharp breath. His legs went weak.

He fell straight backward: “@~@”

Chang Ying also shouted, “Holy shit!” and flew inside to support him: “My lord! What’s wrong, my lord?!”

Song Jian barely steadied himself and weakly raised a hand.

“It’s nothing. Hungry (scared).”

Then he handed the prescription in his hand to Chang Ying.

“…Help me get the medicine from the Imperial Medical Bureau. Thank you.”

Holding the prescription, Chang Ying’s eyes filled with tears: “This subordinate understands! My lord! Please hold on!”

Song Jian had truly been badly frightened. He sat down in a chair and added another instruction.

“Remember to give Xiao Lingdang in the rear courtyard side room ten wen. Come back after the medicine has been decocted.”

Chang Ying nodded solemnly. Then, holding the prescription, he whooshed away.

The whole way, he flew so fast that only an afterimage remained. He hurriedly arrived at the Imperial Medical Bureau, pushed open the door, and shouted:

“Anyone there?! Anyone there?! It’s extremely urgent!!!”

When a nearby physician saw it was Chang Ying, he hurried over and asked: “What’s wrong, Lord Chang Ying?”

Chang Ying said, “Lord Song is not going to make it! Prescribe medicine for Lord Song first!”

The physician was startled as well and quickly took the prescription from his hand to gather the herbs.

One herb.

Two herbs.

Three herbs…

…

The physician looked up, wanting to speak but stopping himself.

“Hiss~~~”

“Lord Song isn’t going to make it?”

Chang Ying nodded.

“Would I lie to you? My lord fainted just now!! His face was pale as paper, especially frightening!”

The physician looked at the prescription, lowered his head and finished gathering the medicine. Then he stood up and laughed heartily.

“I imagine Lord Song isn’t unable to make it because of a cold, right? Hahahahahahahaha.”

Chang Ying: “?”

He finally remembered what his lord had said after “it’s nothing.”

His lord had said: hungry.

Chang Ying took the medicine and fell silent for a moment, then scratched his head.

“To be honest, it does seem to be because he’s hungry.”

The physician: “…” Ha.

Chang Ying took the medicine and flew to the rear courtyard to find Xiao Lingdang to decoct it. At this time, in less than half a quarter of an hour, the news that Lord Song of the Tiancha Division was about to starve to death had already spread through the front courtyard.

Meanwhile, Song Jian, sprawled on the bed, knew nothing about it. While waiting for the medicine, he asked another shadow guard whether there was any food. The man told him it was not mealtime yet.

That’s right. If it was not mealtime, there was no food. This was also a rule of the Tiancha Division.

Song Jian was so hungry, that his soul almost leaving his body. He lay motionless on the bed.

By the time Chang Ying returned carrying the medicine, Song Jian felt he could already eat an entire cow raw.

Chang Ying carried the medicine over: “My lord! The medicine is here!”

Without even looking, Song Jian gulped it down.

“Is there more?”

Chang Ying picked up the small teapot and poured another bowl.

Song Jian kept drinking.

Pour again.

Drink again.

After finishing, he flopped headfirst into the blankets.

In the year of the purest hunger, even medicine could be drunk in three bowls.

Sleep.

Once asleep, he wouldn’t be hungry.

Late at night, in Yanning Palace.

Layer after layer of curtains had already been drawn before the dragon bed. The shadow guard kneeling on the floor reported:

“The physicians from the Imperial Medical Bureau said Lord Song was so hungry he was almost done for. They even had Chang Ying prescribe medicine for a cold. It is said that he drank three bowls in one go.”

Xiao Yinghuai’s closed eyes opened again: “???”

The shadow guard said: “Lord Song has already gone to sleep. No other unusual movements have been discovered for the time being.”

Xiao Yinghuai: “…”

“Keep watching.”

“Yes.”

–

Song Jian was forcibly awakened by hunger the next day.

Hadn’t he just drunk three bowls of medicine? Why was he hungry again?

He swallowed several mouthfuls of saliva and, in his foggy state, thought that rebellion was rebellion, but how could the original owner delay eating because of rebellion?

This was simply turning the world upside down. Outrageous.

And since he had already rebelled, why didn’t they at least give him some good food?

“Grrrrowl~~~”

Stop growling. You’re disturbing me.

Song Jian lay there with vacant eyes.

Life had lost all meaning. He was basically a corpse cosplaying as a human.

Just as he was about to faint from hunger, Chang Ying’s voice suddenly came from outside.

“My lord! My lord! It’s mealtime! We can eat now!”

Song Jian shot off the bed with a whoosh and pushed open the door with a bang: “Let’s go!”

Only after running three meters did he hear Chang Ying shouting behind him:

“Wrong direction, my lord!”

Song Jian braked and came back, dragging Chang Ying along as they ran toward the Tiancha Division’s little cafeteria.

Chang Ying said: “My lord, why are you running so fast?!”

Song Jian pulled out the speed he used in high school to fight for food in the cafeteria.

“Nonsense! If we’re late, there won’t be any food left!”

Following the smell, he found the cafeteria.

“Leave me five steamed buns!” The Tiancha Division’s cook was heard before he was seen.

The next second, Song Jian bounced inside. He was already prepared to fight for his life, only to discover that there were just two people sitting at the tables in the dining hall.

Chang Ying cheerfully greeted them:

“Seventeen, Eighteen, you’re up early.”

Neither Seventeen nor Eighteen covered their faces. The two looked exactly alike. They took two tasteless bites of their buns and nodded in perfect synchronization.

Song Jian simply thought he was hallucinating from hunger. Walking on unsteady feet, he carried a bowl over to get food.

“This, this, this and this. And five more steamed buns.”

While serving food, the cook carefully observed him. Only after Song Jian sat down with a pile of buns did he exchange glances with Chang Ying.

—So the rumor that Lord Song was starving to death wasn’t a rumor after all.

—Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm! Mm!

—Quickly bring Lord Song two more buns!

—Mm!

Chang Ying brought over two more buns.

Song Jian said: “Why aren’t they eating? (chew chew chew) If there’s not enough food (chew chew chew), they can have some of mine. (chew chew chew) I’ve got plenty of steamed buns here. (chew chew chew)”

Chang Ying said: “They just got off the night shift and are too tired. They’re always like this. They just casually eat a couple bites.”

Song Jian: “Oh (chew chew chew).”

He finished off two buns and drank some soup. During a pause, he looked up.

“Why aren’t you eating either?”

Chang Ying said shyly: “I never eat at the Tiancha Division. I’m not used to it. I had Long Xiao bring me roast duck from Zuixian Tower outside the palace.”

Song Jian: “?”

Chang Ying continued: “If Seventeen and Eighteen weren’t working the night shift, they wouldn’t eat here either.”

Song Jian’s mouth was stuffed full of buns, making his cheeks round like a hamster’s.

After saying this, Chang Ying still urged him: “My lord, hurry and eat! What are you spacing out for?”

Song Jian: “&*%……￥%……”

Chang Ying: “My lord, what did you say?”

Song Jian swallowed the bun.

“Nothing. Go sit over there. Don’t wander around in front of me.”

Chang Ying said: “I also had Long Xiao bring pastries for you.”

Song Jian: “Come back.”

Chang Ying: “But when Long Xiao left, he said the line at Bafuju was too long and there wasn’t enough time. We’ll buy them next time.”

Song Jian—also known as Ochyumelov—promptly kicked Chang Ying’s stool away.⁵This is a reference to Chameleon by Anton Chekhov. The protagonist, Ochyumelov, is famous for constantly changing his attitude depending on the situation.

Chang Ying said: “But I had Wu Chang buy them instead.”

Song Jian finished the last bite of his bun and slammed down his chopsticks: “Is your lung capacity only 200? Can’t you finish speaking in one breath?”

Chang Ying replied with an “Oh.”

“I told Wu Chang to buy them but Wu Chang is on a mission and won’t be back today so I had Song Feng buy them instead but Song Feng went too late and couldn’t get any because everyone else started lining up before dawn next time we’ll definitely go earlier.”

Song Jian: “…”

He picked up his chopsticks again and stuffed a mouthful of pickled vegetables into his mouth.

Ha.

Song Jian ate very well at this breakfast. Before leaving, he even stuffed two eggs and a baked flatbread into his pocket, just in case.

Chang Ying followed behind him.

“My lord, is your cold any better? Are you going back to rest?”

Song Jian said: “No. I’m going out for a walk.”

His cold had never been very serious in the first place. After downing three bowls of medicine, he felt even more refreshed. He planned to first familiarize himself with the Tiancha Division, then learn the routes to the various palaces.

Oh right, most importantly, he had to learn how to use internal energy. Yesterday Gong Defu had said he was the shadow guard with the best qinggong in the Tiancha Division. If he couldn’t fly, how would he go to Yanning Palace for night watch duty?

Patting his full stomach, he was just about to wander off when two people suddenly appeared before him with a swish, as if they had been copied and pasted.

Song Jian rubbed his eyes.

Seventeen: “My lord.”

Eighteen: “He’s leaving the palace tomorrow.”

Seventeen: “Mm.”

Eighteen: “He can buy it.”

Seventeen: “Mm.”

Eighteen: “What does my lord want to eat?”

Seventeen: “Want to eat what?”

Song Jian: “???”

Was he seeing double????

You can read the full completed story here with instant full access. ✨

• 1
  This is a parody of the popular Chinese internet phrase: 轻舟已过万重山. which is often used to mean “what’s done is done” or “the difficult part is already behind us.”
• 2
  Tiancha Division (天察司)literally means: Heavenly Inspection Division
• 3
  It’s an idiom meaning: Once someone is no longer useful, they’re disposed of, or used and then thrown away.
• 4
  This is a dark joke based on the saying “Rules are dead, people are alive” (规矩是死的，人是活的), meaning that rules can be flexible depending on the situation. The author twists it into “规矩是死的，人也可以是”, literally meaning “The rules are dead, and people can be too.”
• 5
  This is a reference to Chameleon by Anton Chekhov. The protagonist, Ochyumelov, is famous for constantly changing his attitude depending on the situation.