Morning and Evening Chapter 11

He Mu curled up in the warm and soft quilt and fell asleep. His mind was filled with all sorts of thoughts, like a tangled mess of threads, winding and turning without end. He had a strange and bizarre dream all night long.

First, he dreamt that he lived with his aunt and uncle when he was a child, enduring all kinds of ridicule, scolding, and beatings. He secretly wore his cousin’s stockings and experienced his first orgasm. Then, his lover, whose face was blurred, hugged him and kissed his earlobe with longing lips, saying in his ear, “You look so good, He Mu, you look great dressed like this.”

The next second, the affectionate lovers stood with all the onlookers, surrounding him, their lips that once whispered words of love now cold and indifferent.

“Abnormal.”

He discovered a whole trunk of cheongsams left by his mother. When he gently ran his fingers over them, he could feel the unevenness of the embroidery threads, each one like a beautiful dream. He put them on, and his frail body felt empty inside the clothes, but he felt at peace, as if he had retreated into his hibernating shell.

The intense gazes falling upon him filled him with pleasure.

You see, there are clearly many people who need me, yearn for me, want me to laugh, and want me to be happy.

He laughed happily, but inside he was anxious. He was trapped in a sealed room with doors on all sides, but he couldn’t open them no matter how hard he tried. He was wearing high heels, and the heels pounded hard on the ground, echoing in the empty room.

“Click.”

That was the sound of a door opening. He turned around abruptly in his dream. In an instant, the empty room transformed into this small one-bedroom apartment. The warm, yellow light from the floor lamp washed over him like a tide, as if it were warm.

Chang Ming’an looked travel-worn, his hand on the doorknob, his handsome yet gentle features still showing signs of fatigue, like a traveler returning home after a long journey. He smiled at him, his lips slightly parted.

“Hello.”

He Mu opened his eyes and found that it was already broad daylight. He could vaguely hear the noise of students in the canteen not far from the classroom and dormitory building. He found that there was a pillow under his head and another one in his arms. The other half of the bed was empty. Chang Ming’an had already gotten up, and the pillow he was holding was obviously his.

The curtains were thoughtfully drawn, completely blocking out the morning sunlight. The door was originally ajar, but Mumu slipped in from outside with cat-like steps, gracefully jumped onto the bed, and squeezed through the gap in the blankets to snuggle into He Mu’s arms.

He Mu buried his face in Chang Ming’an’s pillow, took a deep breath, and his heart pounded.

He wanted to get up, but heard voices coming from the living room outside the door. He looked at himself and saw that his light pink slip dress was askew from sleeping, revealing most of his chest. He could only lie back down, hug the cat, and gently blow on the cat’s face. The cat’s ears twitched and it yawned.

He Mu put his finger into her open mouth, but Mumu spat it out in disgust and licked his face. The barbs on her cat tongue tickled his face.

“You’ve packed everything. Check if you’ve forgotten anything,” Chang Ming’an said to Xie Lei, dressed in his pajamas.

Xie Lei, with her exquisite makeup and neatly shaped eyebrows, said without even glancing at the others, “Okay, thank you.”

Chang Ming’an bent down and lifted the box, estimating its weight, and said, “Did you drive here? Let me help you carry it down; it’s quite heavy.”

Xie Lei crossed her arms and looked at Chang Ming’an, then sighed after a long while, “You’re always so good to me.”

Chang Ming’an chuckled: “Really?”

Xie Lei simply sat down on the sofa and said, “Yeah, but dating you is so boring. You never check up on me, you’re never jealous, and you’re not passionate in bed.”

Chang Ming’an looked embarrassed and raised his hands in surrender, saying, “Aren’t you in a hurry?”

“It’s alright,” Xie Lei stood up. “Look, you’re not angry even after being told that.”

“There’s nothing to be angry about; I didn’t mean anything by it.”

This wasn’t the first time he’d been told this; everyone he’d dated had said it. He didn’t understand it either. Why was a boyfriend who wasn’t unreasonable, who didn’t act like a chauvinist or get jealous, unlikable? Every relationship eventually ends, and he gradually understood that, just like how his father hugged him after breakfast one morning and then left, never to return.

“I remember I had just broken up with my boyfriend and things weren’t going well at work. I pulled out of the party and sat on the curb crying, my makeup was all ruined. You came out of the party too and handed me a handkerchief. These days, people still use handkerchiefs. Did you feel sorry for me, so you got together with me later, just like you adopted a stray cat?”

Chang Ming’an looked directly into Xie Lei’s scrutinizing eyes and sighed softly, “No.”

“I don’t know if you are or aren’t, but you’ll always feel lonely if you’re alone for a long time. Why not just make do with someone else? Don’t you think?”

Lonely? You’ll get used to it. Being alone or with someone else is the same; there’s no real difference. As long as people rely on language and actions to communicate, loneliness will always exist. Even face to face and hand in hand, you can never break down the barrier between you.

Chang Ming’an thought for a moment, smiled slightly, and remained silent.

“Alright.” Xie Lei sighed. “Then I’ll be going. No need to see me off. Just move the suitcase to the elevator.”

“That…”

Xie Lei winked nonchalantly: “Someone’s coming to pick me up.”

Chang Ming’an paused for a moment, then smiled knowingly and said, “Okay.”

The two hugged politely and then said goodbye.

He Mu lay on the bed without making a sound. He heard the sound of the door opening outside, followed by the “ding” of the elevator arriving, and then the sound of the door closing. Chang Ming’an’s light footsteps approached from afar. He quickly closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

The mattress dipped slightly as Chang Ming’an knelt on the bed and lifted Mumu from beside He Mu’s face. The cat’s fur gently brushed against He Mu’s face, tickling him so much that his eyes kept darting around under his eyelids.

Mumu meowed sweetly.

Chang Ming’an pulled her into his arms, tapped her nose, and whispered, “Shh—”

The door opened and closed again, leaving only He Mu, who was pretending to be asleep, in the room.

He opened his eyes, his gaze filled with confusion, as if they had lost their focus. Hearing this, he felt a complex mix of emotions. His sadness wasn’t that Chang Ming’an had a past—everyone has a past, and his own was a hundred or ten times more complex than Chang Ming’an’s. His sadness stemmed from the fact that, in Chang Ming’an’s eyes, he might also be just a pitiful stray cat, the reason he received Chang Ming’an’s tender caresses.

Therefore, Chang Ming’an did not need him to repay him or thank him; he only needed to accept it.

Who would ask for a reward from a helpless stray cat?

He Mu was breathing heavily, bent over and curled up, his nose suddenly feeling sore.

“Are you awake?” Chang Ming’an pushed open the door and poked his head in to ask.

He Mu took a deep breath and said in a hoarse voice, “No.”

“I’m sorry.”

Chang Ming’an said apologetically, turning around to close the door.