DIHBSG chapter 16

Hei Dashuai was very smart. It stopped chasing once it reached the entrance of the imperial study. It obediently barked once, “Woof,” then lay down on the ground and even wagged its tail at the emperor inside the imperial study.

Xiao Yinghuai and the dog looked at each other.

Not long after, Song Jian hobbled in with his cane. The moment Xiao Da saw him, tears immediately welled up as he started complaining, “Imperial Brother, you have to stand up for me! I was walking along just fine, and without saying a word, he set his dog on me!”

Xiao Yinghuai looked at Song Jian and opened his mouth as if to say something. After waiting a moment, he said, “Walk faster.”

Song Jian: “Oh oh oh oh.”

He limped over to stand before the emperor. “Your subordinate is here~”

Xiao Yinghuai: “…”

“Why did you set your dog on him?”

Seeing Xiao Da blatantly twist black into white, Song Jian threw aside his cane and dropped to his knees with a thud. “Honorable Lord Qingtang, I’ve been wronged!”¹Song Jian mistakenly says 清汤大老爷 (Qīngtāng Dàlǎoye) instead of 青天大老爷 (Qīngtiān Dàlǎoye). 青天大老爷 (“Honorable Judge,” literally “Lord Blue Sky”) is a traditional way of appealing to an upright magistrate. By accidentally saying 清汤 (Qingtang / clear broth) instead of 青天 (Qingtian), he turns the solemn phrase into nonsense, highlighting his flustered state.

The vein at Xiao Yinghuai’s temple twitched twice.

Song Jian said, “I had the dog bite him because he was planning a rebellion! Your subordinate was…” He thought for a long while before finally coming up with a word. “…putting down a rebellion.”

Xiao Da pointed at him with a trembling finger. “Y-y-y-y-y-y-you!”

Song Jian spoke with reason and evidence. “Your Majesty, last night the Tiancha Division caught someone acting suspiciously. We’ve already interrogated him, and he said he was sent by Prince Xian.”

Xiao Da’s vision went black. He hugged Xiao Yinghuai’s leg even tighter and refused to let go.

“And before that, Prince Xian even abducted your subordinate without permission and forcibly stuffed the calligraphy he wrote into your subordinate’s hands.”

Song Jian was furious. “He even caused your subordinate to spend three days in prison!”

Xiao Da said, “How was that prison?! I didn’t even eat as well as you did! You came out fatter!”

Song Jian scratched his cheek.

“Oh. So what?”

Bleh bleh bleh.

Xiao Da turned around and complained again. “Imperial Brother! Look, he’s making faces at me…”

Xiao Yinghuai was speechless. He let out a cold laugh. “Such a major matter. Should we hand it over to the Dali Temple for investigation?”

Xiao Da shrank his neck.

“Let go.”

Xiao Da immediately released his grip and stepped aside.

Xiao Yinghuai said, “Go argue outside. Come back in after you’re done.”

Thus, the two of them were escorted out by Gong Defu.

Song Jian had no intention of arguing with a villain. Leaning on his cane and bringing his dog along, he sat off to one side, determined to draw a clear line between himself and Xiao Da.

Xiao Da said, “Song Jian, stop talking nonsense in front of Imperial Brother.”

Song Jian teased the dog. “Here, boy, here, boy.”

Xiao Da said, “You don’t understand anything. I’ll just tell you the truth. I’m the good guy. You’re the one who’s going to rebel.”

Song Jian sang to Hei Dashuai, “I’m not the boy I used to be~”

Xiao Da: “…”

Although they had been told to come back after finishing their argument, without the emperor’s order, the two of them could only stand guard outside the door. After half a day, they ended up seeing quite a few pillar ministers who came to the imperial study to report important matters.

Song Jian thought to himself, they’re so busy and still called him over, only to make him stand around once he got there.

Heh.

After waiting for who knew how long, Xiao Da was called inside as well.

Song Jian: “O.o?”

What’s going on?

Afterward, the people inside the imperial study gradually all left. Song Jian was starving, so he took an orange out of his robes, slowly peeled it, and ate two segments.

As Xiao Da passed by him on his way out, he left behind a very villain-like line. “Hmph. You’re finished.”

Song Jian: “?”

“You’re the one who’s finished, Hei Dashuai!!”

“Woof! Woof woof!!”

Xiao Da hurriedly ran away.

Song Jian put his hands on his hips and pretended to throw the orange peel at him. “Get lost.”

After scaring him off, he clapped his hands and turned around. Just then, Gong Defu came out.

“Lord Song, His Majesty invites you in.”

Song Jian still hadn’t finished the remaining half of his orange. Stuffing it back into his robes might crush it, so after looking around, he tossed it into his mouth and chewed.

He didn’t forget to take his cane with him.

After entering, he honestly knelt down.

Xiao Yinghuai said, “What are you looking at the floor for? Raise your head.”

Song Jian raised it.

Xiao Yinghuai narrowed his eyes and paused at his puffed-up cheeks. “Are you hiding walnuts in your mouth?”

Song Jian: “(Chew chew chew)”

“Open your mouth.”

Song Jian: “(Chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew) (Double speed)”

After finishing, he swallowed hard, then opened his mouth wide with an “Ahhh—.”

“There’s nothing!”

Xiao Yinghuai: “…”

He couldn’t be bothered pursuing the matter. Raising a hand, he told Song Jian to get up. Seeing that Song Jian was still leaning on that shabby cane of his, he finally spoke.

“Throw the cane out. Don’t think I don’t know you’re perfectly fine.”

Song Jian was caught on the spot. Hanging his head sheepishly, he set the cane far away.

Perhaps now that the cane was out of sight, Song Jian looked a little more pleasing to the eye. The emperor behind the imperial desk didn’t say anything else and lowered his head to begin reviewing memorials, finishing stack after stack.

Who knew how much time had passed.

During that period, Gong Defu went over to replace the memorials three times and changed the tea twice.

While brewing the last pot, he reminded, “Your Majesty, it’s almost time.”

Xiao Yinghuai took a sip of tea. “Mm.”

Song Jian stayed in the corner, scratching his head for a while, then his cheek, then his waist, before letting out a long yawn.

“Haa————”

Halfway through it, he met the man’s gaze.

Song Jian quickly shut his mouth and stood properly.

Xiao Yinghuai stared at him.

Song Jian: “(。· _ · 。)”

“Do you know why I called you here?”

Song Jian shook his head.

Xiao Yinghuai lifted his eyes toward Gong Defu. Understanding immediately, Gong Defu closed the door behind him and left.

After the imperial study fell silent, Xiao Yinghuai stood up and walked step by step until he was standing before his personal guard, looking directly into his eyes.

“Because I want to confirm one more time whether or not you are really Song Jian.”

Song Jian suddenly shuddered violently, his eyes full of shock.

“?”

“Tell me. Who are you?”

Song Jian blinked several times.

Xiao Yinghuai’s voice was very low.

“Think carefully before you answer. I’ll only give you one chance.”

The pressure in the room instantly dropped. Song Jian stood only inches away from those cold, probing eyes. He swallowed and couldn’t stop himself from trembling.

Time passed, second by second.

Whether he stuck his head out or shrank it back, the blade would still fall.²“伸头一刀，缩头也是一刀” is an idiom describing a situation where there is no escape or difference in outcome, no matter what you choose.

Song Jian squeezed his eyes shut.

Whatever!

Looking as though he was ready to die, he loudly flattered the emperor and declared his loyalty.

“Your subordinate is the court’s hound! Your subordinate is Your Majesty’s claw and fang!”

“Your subordinate works for Your Majesty. Tell me to go east and I won’t go west. Whoever you tell me to bite, I’ll bite!”

“And… and your subordinate will absolutely never rebel!” He raised four fingers beside his face. “I swear four!”

Xiao Yinghuai fell silent for a moment before suddenly letting out a chuckle.

The person before him was still holding up those four fingers.

“It’s true, Your Majesty! I…”

Xiao Yinghuai reached out to cover them, pressing them down one by one as he said, “Do you think just anyone can rebel?”

Song Jian: “?”

Why did that sound so wrong…

Was this dog emperor insulting him?

Xiao Yinghuai slowly sized up those innocent, simple eyes. As for certain questions of yes or no, he had actually already reached an answer long ago, no matter how unbelievable that answer might be.

The person before him was not Song Jian.

He stepped a little closer. His fingers came to rest lightly at the corner of the young man’s eye, where he once again saw the panic and bewilderment he had never seen before.

Xiao Yinghuai no longer tested him. Looking away, he said calmly, “That’s enough. You may leave.”

Song Jian froze for a moment, but quickly reacted. He hadn’t planned on staying here anyway. Since that was what the emperor said, then goodbye it was.

However, before he left, Xiao Yinghuai called him back.

“Next time, stop walking your dog everywhere. I never told you to bite people.”

Song Jian: “…Oh, understood, Your Majesty.”

“And.”

Song Jian: “?” There’s more?

“If you’re this slow again next time, then from now on you’ll crawl wherever I send you on errands.”

Song Jian sucked in a sharp breath.

“Leave.”

Song Jian hurriedly left.

By then, it was already time for the evening court session. When Song Jian pushed the door open and walked out, quite a few officials were already standing below the steps in front of the imperial study. He didn’t recognize most of them, but at the front was Tang Lai, whispering to the person beside him.

Song Jian’s hearing wasn’t very good, so he couldn’t hear what Tang Lai was saying clearly. But anyone familiar with gossiping about others could tell he was having the time of his life cursing Gao Kaiji.

Song Jian: “…”

He called out, “Lord Tang.”

Tang Lai immediately stopped and turned around. “Lord Song!”

Song Jian rubbed the tip of his nose, took hold of Tang Lai’s arm, and pulled him a few steps away. Lowering his voice, he said near his ear, “His Majesty isn’t in a very good mood today. Be careful what you say.”

Tang Lai’s expression sharpened after hearing that.

He thought for a moment before cupping his hands.

“Many thanks for the reminder, Lord Song.”

Song Jian patted him on the shoulder, then called for Hei Dashuai, who had been waiting for him in the corner, and they left together.

The officials behind them watched him.

“I heard Lord Song was injured saving His Majesty last night. His Majesty was deeply moved, so he summoned Lord Song early today for a heart-to-heart talk.”

“Oh my, that’s not what I heard. People in the palace said that His Majesty and Lord Song stayed in a side hall last night, and even had Gong Defu stand guard outside the door. When Lord Song came out, he looked like he’d been crying.”

“What were they doing in the side hall?”

“If Gong Defu was standing guard, then what else could they have been doing? Besides, I heard someone even heard…”

“Heard what?”

“Lord Song’s cries.”

“My heavens.”

Song Jian, who hadn’t gone far yet: “…”

There are official histories, and there are unofficial histories, but this was complete nonsense.

Besides, his hearing wasn’t great, not nonexistent. They were saying it so loudly.

Brimming with momentum, he returned to the Tiancha Division and asked the cook for a beef hot pot.

What can dispel sorrow?

Only hot pot.

That night he ate until he was completely full. The next morning, as soon as he got hungry, he wanted to eat it again. Song Jian didn’t make things difficult for himself. After all, there was already a boss making things difficult for him.

At noon, he went to the kitchen and asked for another hot pot. Just as he was going ,miamiamia while dipping slices of meat into the broth, a familiar female voice suddenly came from outside the dining hall.

“I’m looking for Lord Song.”

Song Jian poked his head out the window and immediately spotted the kind and beautiful Grand Princess (the one who had once given him a plate of pastries).

And the Young Commandery Prince—Xiaosage

The Grand Princess saw him as well. Holding Xiaosage in her arms, she stood there without saying anything or walking over.

Deep in Song Jian’s bones was the warm hospitality of a college student. He waved.

“Princess, have you eaten lunch yet? If not, come have some here!”

The Grand Princess nodded rapidly.

“Then this princess won’t stand on ceremony.”

Lifting her skirts, she walked into the dining hall, set Xiaosage on the floor, and walked over to him.

“Actually, this princess isn’t very hungry. But since Lord Song has invited me, it wouldn’t be right for this princess to refuse Lord Song’s kindness.”

Song Jian handed the Grand Princess a bowl, then went “Kity kity” as he petted Xiaosage twice. Only after Xiaosage rubbed against his palm did he continue eating with complete satisfaction.

Grand Princess: “(Chew chew chew chew chew)”

It’s so delicious, wuwu. It tasted exactly the way she had imagined.

Today, Xiao Yongning had come out for a walk. She wandered aimlessly until she reached the Tiancha Division. Her personal maid Danluo nervously tugged at her and said,

“Princess, this is the Tiancha Division. It’s really scary inside. Let’s hurry and leave.”

Leaving was possible.

But why was there such a fragrant smell coming from this dark and gloomy place?

With a spirit of seeking truth from facts, Xiao Yongning decided to go inside and investigate.

Danluo whimpered, “You obviously just want to eat.”

Xiao Yongning said, “Don’t slander this princess. This is called the unity of knowledge and action. This is called investigating things to attain knowledge. This is called… called… no matter who suffers, this princess’s only mouth must not suffer.”

Danluo: “Waa.”

Inside the Tiancha Division dining hall—

Xiao Yongning: “(Chew chew chew chew chew)”

Song Jian: “Miamiamiamiamia~”

The two of them finished several large plates of meat before finally each letting out a satisfied burp.

Xiao Yongning put down her chopsticks.

Xiaosage crouched beside her feet.

“Meow~”

Xiao Yongning looked up and asked, “Does our dining hall have dried fish?”

Song Jian looked toward the cook.

The cook shook his head.

Song Jian looked back at Xiao Yongning.

“Does the Princess want some?”

Xiao Yongning shook her head.

“No.”

She pointed at Xiaosage.

“Didn’t you see? He’s hungry.”

Song Jian looked over: “?”

Seeing Song Jian’s expression, Xiao Yongning said seriously, “You don’t understand. Love is often a feeling of indebtedness.”

Song Jian understood.

He liked cats too.

But if he wasn’t mistaken, this cat was basically a Semi-Truck.³半挂 (bànguà) literally means a semi-trailer truck. Song Jian jokingly nicknames Xiaosage this because, in his eyes, the cat is absurdly large and imposing compared with the image of a small, delicate pet.

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• 1
  Song Jian mistakenly says 清汤大老爷 (Qīngtāng Dàlǎoye) instead of 青天大老爷 (Qīngtiān Dàlǎoye). 青天大老爷 (“Honorable Judge,” literally “Lord Blue Sky”) is a traditional way of appealing to an upright magistrate. By accidentally saying 清汤 (Qingtang / clear broth) instead of 青天 (Qingtian), he turns the solemn phrase into nonsense, highlighting his flustered state.
• 2
  “伸头一刀，缩头也是一刀” is an idiom describing a situation where there is no escape or difference in outcome, no matter what you choose.
• 3
  半挂 (bànguà) literally means a semi-trailer truck. Song Jian jokingly nicknames Xiaosage this because, in his eyes, the cat is absurdly large and imposing compared with the image of a small, delicate pet.