DIHBSG chapter 14

Xiao Yinghuai suddenly felt that this poem wasn’t something he absolutely had to hear. Without saying a word, he turned back around.

Song Jian: “…”

You insisted on making me say it, and now you’re unhappy after I did.

He quietly stood to the side picking at his fingers. Melodious music drifted into his ears. He looked up and watched palace servants serve dishes one after another like swimming fish. Before long, the hall was filled with the fragrance of food.

Especially in front of Song Jian, southern and northern dishes were arranged in an orderly display. Every dish had excellent color, aroma, and flavor. Song Jian stared until his eyes went straight.

As Gong Defu served food to the emperor with a smile, he said, “Your Majesty, this dish, Flowers Bloom Under the Full Moon, was specially prepared by a famous chef Prince Xian invited from Jiangnan. This fish is exceptionally fresh. Please have a taste.”

Xiao Yinghuai took a bite, then looked up.

“Reward them.”

Not only did he reward Prince Xian and the famous Jiangnan chef, he also had the dish bestowed upon everyone present.

After the members of the imperial clan tasted it, they couldn’t stop praising it.

One professional flatterer said, “It truly is a heavenly delicacy! As expected of a famous Jiangnan chef!”

One humble corporate beast said nervously, “Thank you, Your Majesty, for your gracious reward!”

There was even a food critic.

“This fish melts in the mouth. It’s prepared as tender and smooth as silken tofu, with a lingering aftertaste that leaves one wanting more.”

The little heir of some prince’s household even stretched out his chubby little paw.

“I want more little fish! I want more little fish!”

Song Jian: “Gulp~”

Thanks. When you’re eating big mouthfuls of meat, not smacking your lips is a virtue.

He now suspected that the dog emperor had deliberately called him into the hall just to make him watch.

Heh.

Utterly sinister.

Song Jian’s anger had just begun to rise when a flustered young woman’s sweet voice suddenly rang through the hall.

“Xiaosage! Don’t run around!”

Song Jian froze for a moment.

Xiaosage?

He looked toward the source of the voice and saw a fluffy orange tabby cat had leaped into the center of the hall, elegantly strutting around while looking in every direction.

As a veteran cat slave, Song Jian’s eyes instantly turned into cat eyes.

Xiaosage continued strolling around while the girl chasing after him broke out in an anxious sweat.

“Song Jian.”

The man’s voice suddenly rang out. Song Jian looked over. The man slightly raised his chin in indication. Song Jian instantly understood the order.

“Yes, Your Majesty!”

He dashed over in an instant.

“Kitty kitty kitty kitty~”

Xiaosage stopped in place, lazily swishing his tail. His beautiful cat eyes blinked twice, and Song Jian’s heart melted.

Picking up the little cat, he cooed, “Kitty, kitty, kitty kitty.”

Only after seeing her cat son picked up did the Grand Princess finally breathe a sigh of relief. Just as she was about to step forward to take him back, the man seated at the head suddenly spoke again.

“Bring him here. Let me have a look as well.”

Seeing that the emperor wasn’t angry, everyone immediately joined in with praise.

“Oh my, it’s been so long since we’ve seen the little commandery prince. He’s grown so plump.”

“The little commandery prince has been raised so well.”

Song Jian looked into the cat’s eyes.

So this was the little commandery prince?

He looked at the Grand Princess. The Grand Princess waved her hand: “=-=”

Carrying the little commandery prince over to the emperor, Song Jian supported the cat’s hindquarters with one hand and held him under the forelegs with the other, presenting him toward the man.

“Meow meow~”

Xiao Yinghuai: “…”

Seeing that the man didn’t react, Song Jian held the cat a little closer.

Xiao Yinghuai lightly touched the cat’s head with one finger.

“He’s been raised well.”

“*^-^*”

In this stomach-aching banquet, Song Jian had finally found a little comfort.

“Kitty kitty kitty kitty~”

Songs and dances filled the hall. Gong Defu poured a cup of wine for the emperor.

Xiao Yinghuai took a small sip.

“Kitty~ kitty kitty~ kitty kitty kitty~”

Xiao Yinghuai frowned slightly.

“Kitty~ kitty kitty kitty kitty~”

Xiao Yinghuai: “…”

“Kitty kitty kitty kitty…”

“Return the cat.”

Song Jian had only gotten halfway through saying “Kit—”

“(。· _ · 。)”

“Oh.”

He walked around behind everyone toward the Grand Princess’s seat, lowering his head and whispering softly,

“Kitty kitty~”

After returning the cat to the Grand Princess, he looked back at him twice more with great reluctance.

The Grand Princess smiled faintly.

“I understand, I understand.”

Song Jian: “?”

Understand what?

The Grand Princess scooped up a plate of pastries from the table and handed it to him.

“Lord Song has worked hard. This Princess rewards these to you. Eat plenty.”

The palace maid beside her hurried forward.

“Your Highness, Lord Song is His Majesty’s personal guard. It’s improper for you to reward him with these things…”

Before she even finished speaking, Song Jian had already carried the plate away, tears glistening in his eyes.

“This subordinate thanks Your Highness.”

What a beautiful, kind-hearted little sister.

T_T

She was so polite.

He carried the plate of pastries back, so happy that both cheeks were flushed red.

Xiao Yinghuai: “?”

Song Jian: “(。· v · 。)”

Xiao Yinghuai was silent for a long while.

Forget it.

It wasn’t bad for him to just stand there as a little mascot.

Little mascot: “Miamiamiamia~”

More than half of the palace banquet soon passed. Song Jian had filled himself up on pastries and was now completely absorbed in watching the dancers perform.

He had just softly hummed along—

“Da da da~”

—when the man beside him stood up.

“I’m going out for a walk.”

Seeing this, Gong Defu hurriedly said,

“Your Majesty, this old servant will accompany you!”

Xiao Yinghuai did not refuse. He merely called again,

“Song Jian.”

Song Jian: “Huh? Oh, oh, oh, oh, alright, Your Majesty.”

He looked back every three steps at the singing and dancing behind him, only stopping after the Emperor shot him a sidelong glance.

Outside the hall, the full moon hung high in the sky like an exaggerated bright lantern. The red walls and blue tiles were draped in a layer of silvery gauze.

Song Jian and Gong Defu followed one step behind Xiao Yinghuai into a quiet nearby garden. Flowers and plants were blooming brilliantly. Song Jian walked for a while, then stopped for a while. Everything he saw felt new.

After who knew how long, they passed a corner and suddenly caught sight of a figure darting past near the artificial rockery.

Gong Defu sharply shouted,

“Who’s hiding in front of His Majesty?”

“Come out at once!”

The hiding figure hesitated for a moment before finally stepping out and gracefully offering a salute.

Song Jian recognized her as the lead dancer from earlier in the hall. Covering her face, she softly said,

“This servant greets Your Majesty.”

Xiao Yinghuai lowered his brows and looked toward the person kneeling on the ground.

The dancer seemed frightened by the emperor’s overwhelming gaze. Her body trembled violently.

Gong Defu asked,

“What are you doing here?”

The dancer’s voice remained soft.

“This servant is here…”

Just as Song Jian was finding her voice a little strange, the timid-looking dancer suddenly drew a flexible sword from her waist and charged straight toward them.

Song Jian’s eyes flew wide open.

“Holy shit!”

An an an an assassination??!!

Gong Defu’s scream instantly echoed throughout the garden.

“Assassin! Aaaaaaaah!”

“There’s an assassin! Protect His Majesty!”

“Protect the emperor!!”

“Song Jian! Protect the emperor!!”

Song Jian shouted,

“M-m-m-me?! Me??”

The flexible sword gleamed with cold light. One moment it was as soft as paper, the next as hard as steel. The sword tip closed in on Song Jian, nearly slicing off a lock of his hair in an instant.

The fiercest battle Song Jian had experienced in two years of college was charging into the battlefield in Honor of Kings.¹Honor of Kings (王者荣耀) is a hugely popular MOBA (multiplayer online battle arena) game.

How had he ever seen something like this?

His face turned deathly pale.

“Your Majesty, save me!!”

Meanwhile, the moment the “dancer” rushed forward, Xiao Yinghuai had already drawn the Yanling Saber from Song Jian’s side.

Clang!

Saber met sword.

The impact nearly knocked the flexible sword from the “dancer’s” hand.

“He” looked somewhat incredulous, but quickly charged forward again.

“Hand over your life!”

Gong Defu was on the verge of fainting from fright. Panicking so badly he looked like he was breakdancing, he cried out, “Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Your Majesty!”

What shocked Song Jian, however, was the “dancer’s” rough masculine voice.

This wasn’t Great Yan at all.

This was freaking Nan Liang!!!²Nan Liang/Southern Liang (南梁) refers to the setting of the Chinese historical anecdote “The Prince of Dongyang” (东阳公主) and, more broadly, has become associated in popular culture with stories of male attendants or assassins disguised as women.

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Standing closest to Xiao Yinghuai, Song Jian had the assassin’s sword sweep past his face from time to time. His legs had gone as limp as noodles. Hiding behind the emperor, he borrowed the tiger’s might to issue commands.

“Y-Y-Your Majesty! Right side!”

“Left side, left side, left side!”

“Right side, right side!”

“Ahhhhh! Behind you!”

Xiao Yinghuai frowned.

After knocking the flexible sword from the assassin’s hand, he suddenly reached back and pinched Song Jian’s face.

“You’re too noisy.”

Song Jian pursed his lips: “O3O”

“Enough. Stop yelling in my ear!”

Song Jian had just nodded when he pointed over there again.

“P-p-p-person!”

The assassin had taken advantage of the opening to charge again.

Xiao Yinghuai flipped the Yanling Saber.

The assassin immediately let out a miserable scream and fell to the ground clutching his blood-soaked arm.

A shadow guard flashed out from the darkness.

Xiao Yinghuai spoke impatiently.

“Deal with him.”

Xiao Da, who had just come out of the hall, happened to witness the scene and was so frightened he nearly knelt.

That wasn’t what they’d agreed on!

Wiping away cold sweat, he shouted,

“Imperial Brother! This wasn’t arranged by me! This wasn’t arranged by me!”

Besides himself, where would Prince Xian’s residence find such a good actor?

Xiao Yinghuai glanced at him, too lazy to speak.

The assassin was simply dragged away.

Seeing so much blood, Song Jian’s face turned somewhat pale.

He might not cause trouble, but he was also afraid of trouble.

Song Jian couldn’t help shuffling two steps closer to the man.

Unexpectedly, there happened to be an uneven pebble on the ground. Twisting his ankle, Song Jian cried out, “Ah!” and fell straight forward.

Holy cow!

“…”

The only teammate to die in an otherwise one-sided victory had just appeared.

Killed by a tiny pebble in the jungle.

How hilarious.

Meanwhile, a few minutes earlier, in a certain corner—

A masked shadow guard landed beside Wu Chang and Song Feng.

He slowly approached and slowly opened his mouth.

“Study New Thought.”

Song Feng and Wu Chang replied, “Strive to Be New Youth.”

The shadow guard nodded.

Song Feng found the man unfamiliar and asked another question.

“The price of a shirt is?”

The shadow guard answered, “Nine pounds and fifteen pence!”

The three of them looked at one another and all nodded.

Just then, Gong Defu’s shout came from the garden behind Shangyang Hall.

“Assassin!! Aaaaaaaah!”

Song Feng and Wu Chang immediately rushed over.

The shadow guard beside them was also somewhat dumbfounded.

Wait… this wasn’t the same as the script he’d been given.

He hadn’t even made his move yet, so where had this assassin come from?

Still bewildered, he followed Song Feng and Wu Chang as they rushed toward the commotion.

But after only a couple of steps, Wu Chang suddenly turned around and asked,

“Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron!”

The shadow guard froze completely.

“Huh?”

Wu Chang sneered and punched him straight in the face.

Song Feng said, “You’ve been following us for so long and only learned two code phrases.”

Wu Chang said, “You didn’t actually think Lord Song only taught us two code phrases, did you?”

Song Feng replied, “No way.”

Wu Chang sneered: “KFC Crazy Thursday.”³“KFC Crazy Thursday” (肯德基疯狂星期四) is a viral Chinese internet meme based on KFC China’s weekly Thursday promotions.

Song Feng folded his arms: “V me fifty.”⁴“V我五十” literally means “V me 50 [yuan].” Here, V comes from WeChat Pay (微信支付), where “V me” became internet slang for sending them money electronically. Together with “KFC Crazy Thursday,” it references the well-known meme in which someone dramatically asks others to send them 50 yuan so they can buy the KFC Crazy Thursday.

The shadow guard lying on the ground: “@~@”

Save me, Prince Xian.

You can read the full completed story here with instant full access. ✨

• 1
  Honor of Kings (王者荣耀) is a hugely popular MOBA (multiplayer online battle arena) game.
• 2
  Nan Liang/Southern Liang (南梁) refers to the setting of the Chinese historical anecdote “The Prince of Dongyang” (东阳公主) and, more broadly, has become associated in popular culture with stories of male attendants or assassins disguised as women.
• 3
  “KFC Crazy Thursday” (肯德基疯狂星期四) is a viral Chinese internet meme based on KFC China’s weekly Thursday promotions.
• 4
  “V我五十” literally means “V me 50 [yuan].” Here, V comes from WeChat Pay (微信支付), where “V me” became internet slang for sending them money electronically. Together with “KFC Crazy Thursday,” it references the well-known meme in which someone dramatically asks others to send them 50 yuan so they can buy the KFC Crazy Thursday.