WBAI Chapter 44

Zhou Yi looked at Yu Feng, puzzled. “It’s just a tiny burn on your hand, yet he insisted on applying the ointment for you himself.”

This was why Zhou Yi found Xie An’yu’s behavior unusual. The wound was no bigger than a mosquito bite—something Yu Feng could have easily handled himself in seconds with a dab of burn ointment. Xie An’yu’s reaction seemed like an overreaction.

“I think he’s quite concerned about you,” Zhou Yi remarked, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure this ‘old cow’ is just eating air?”

Yu Feng glanced at him. “He’s promised to take care of me in my old age. Of course he’d be concerned.”

“Huh?”

Yu Feng told Zhou Yi about how Xie An’yu had said he’d take care of him in his old age. Zhou Yi laughed so hard he couldn’t straighten his back.

“That’s just tragic,” Zhou Yi gasped between chuckles, gripping a chess piece. “Here I am, pining for you, but you want to take care of me in my old age.”

Jokes aside, from the perspective of those involved, it wasn’t exactly a laughing matter. Zhou Yi’s smile faded as he studied Yu Feng.

It was no wonder Yu Feng was so hesitant. Xie An’yu had already said something like that to him. How could Yu Feng not have any reservations?

Yu Feng knew Xie An’yu must have been furious to act so out of character. After all, Lu Yang’s disgusting acts weren’t just limited to this one or two things. He’d seen Xie An’yu angry before—that same silent, detached state from earlier.

There was a saying that fit his demeanor perfectly: To explode in silence, or to die in it¹不在沉默中爆發，就在沉默中滅亡 (bù zài chén mò zhōng bào fā, jiù zài chén mò zhōng miè wáng): On April 12, 1926, Lu Xun published an essay 《In Memory of Miss Liu Hezhen》. The essay included the famous line ‘Silence, silence! Unless we burst out, we shall perish in this silence!’. Liu Hezhen (刘和珍), a student of the Female Normal University of Peking, perished in the March 18 Massacre (三·一八惨案), a massacre that took place on 18 March 1926, amid an anti-warlord and anti-imperialist demonstration in Beijing, China. The date, March 18, was referred to by Chinese writer Lu Xun as the “darkest day since the founding of the Republic“. More information: Link..

“Be careful with the wound when you shower. Try not to get it wet,” Zhou Yi reminded him.

***

After his shower, Yu Feng applied the burn ointment himself. Xie An’yu had been too upset earlier—his words and actions likely hadn’t been thought through. For such a minor injury, Yu Feng couldn’t possibly call Xie An’yu out of his room to tend to it.

“Aren’t you going to call him to apply the ointment for you?” Zhou Yi asked, watching Yu Feng.

“It’s the size of a mosquito bite. If I asked him to help, you’d think I am a cripple or something.”

Zhou Yi grinned. “If you’re too shy to ask, I’ll do it for you. A promise is a promise—you can’t just back out. What kind of adult breaks their word like that?”

Xie An’yu stayed holed up in his room, flipping through 《China Yesterday》. By now, he’d mostly calmed down. Before long, he pushed the door open and peeked outside.

Yu Feng had already finished showering and was dressed in loungewear, playing chess with Zhou Yi in the living room. He glanced up, meeting Xie An’yu’s gaze.

There was only one reason Xie An’yu would come out—the ointment.

Zhou Yi turned to look. Both of them were silent, so he spoke first. “Little Xie, are you here to put ointment on your Brother Yu?”

Zhou Yi turned around, taking in the silent standoff between the two. He spoke first. “Xiao Xie, were you coming to help your Brother Yu apply the ointment?”

Xie An’yu nodded, though Zhou Yi’s blunt question made the moment awkward.

Yu Feng hadn’t expected Xie An’yu to still be thinking about it.

“I’ve already applied it myself,” Yu Feng told Xie An’yu.

Xie An’yu didn’t seem to have any special reaction. He hummed in acknowledgment and quietly closed the door.

“See? The kid’s upset now,” Zhou Yi said. “You should’ve just let him put the ointment on for you.”

Yu Feng didn’t say anything.

He could tell Xie An’yu was in a bad mood, but he couldn’t be sure if it was because he hadn’t been able to apply the ointment for him.

Truthfully, that possibility seemed slim.

“My vacation starts in a few days. Where should we go this year?” Zhou Yi asked Yu Feng.

“You decide.”

“You always make me decide.”

Yu Feng used to love traveling. He enjoyed taking photos and exploring new places. But after Cheng Sheng passed away, he gradually became more of a homebody, rarely going out unless it was for work.

“We have to take Xiao Xie with us this time,” Zhou Yi glanced up at him. “So, he’s working as a model at your company now?”

Yu Feng shook his head. “Temporarily.”

“Then he should have time to go on a trip with us—” Zhou Yi paused before asking, “Did you recommend him for the modeling job at your company?”

“No.”

Zhou Yi nodded. “I didn’t think that sounded like something you’d do either… But if not you, then who? It couldn’t have been him applying on his own, right?”

“My assistant.”

“…That takes guts. So, is Xiao Xie planning to pursue modeling as a career?”

“Don’t know.”

Zhou Yi sighed. “At his age, he should be back in school.”

After a moment of silence, Zhou Yi suddenly tapped the chessboard with his finger. “We could go to Xiao Xie’s hometown. Isn’t it on a small island? The scenery must be beautiful.”

“How do you know his hometown is on an island?”

“He mentioned it to me before. It’s perfect—we can take him back for a visit.”

Come to think of it, Yu Feng had never heard Xie An’yu talk about Shuangye Isle. He only knew that Xie An’yu’s family had passed away, but he had no idea what the situation was like back in his hometown.

“Let’s ask him first,” Yu Feng said.

“That’s your job.”

Yu Feng shot him a look.

“You’re closer to him,” Zhou Yi said. “Besides, can’t you tell he’s pretty aloof with everyone except you? If you ask him, he’s more likely to say yes.”

***

In the past few days, Xie An’yu had been attending woodcarving classes in the mornings and spending his afternoons at the library. The payment for his modeling gig at 《Charm》 had already been deposited—it was a substantial amount. With some extra money now, he didn’t have to juggle multiple part-time jobs for the time being.

The next afternoon, Xie An’yu stayed at the library until seven, then boarded the subway heading toward his aunt’s place with his backpack.

At 8:15 PM, Xie An’yu, wearing a hat and a mask, stood at the entrance of ‘Ocean Snack Restaurant’ and peered inside.

Lu Yang’s shop had been recently renovated. The signature dishes advertised on the glass door had changed to specialty seafood, and business was booming compared to before.

Xie An’yu scanned the crowd inside but didn’t spot Lu Yang. However, his car was parked outside, so he must have been in the upstairs break room. Lu Yang was a very cautious person—he always waited until all the employees left before locking up himself. By nine, the small street was practically deserted.

Xie An’yu took out a bread roll from his backpack, ate it, and found a secluded spot to wait.

Normally, the shop closed at 8:30 PM, but tonight, customers lingered until almost nine. Xie An’yu had to wait until ten before the lights finally went out. Soon after, Lu Yang appeared.

After locking the door, Lu Yang walked to his car. The streetlights were dim to begin with, and after nine, they turned off completely, leaving the area pitch black. He unlocked his car, and only when the headlights flickered on did the surroundings brighten slightly.

Lu Yang was just about to open the door when he faintly heard light footsteps behind him. Frowning, he turned his head to look, but before he could react, everything suddenly went dark—his head was shoved into a burlap sack.

Xie An’yu wrapped several loops of hemp rope around Lu Yang’s neck, tightening the sack securely. Lu Yang roared, “Who the fuck is this?!”

Without a word, Xie An’yu punched Lu Yang square in the nose. Lu Yang let out a muffled groan and instinctively raised his fist to retaliate, but Xie An’yu grabbed his wrist and, in a few swift motions, tied up both of his hands.

The sack reeked of animal feed, and the unknown terror made Lu Yang panic. “Fuck your mother! If you’ve got balls, don’t pull this sneaky shit! Who the hell are you?! I’ll fucking kill you!!!”

Xie An’yu pressed a small knife against Lu Yang’s neck, the blade pressing into his skin through the sack. He didn’t say a word, just silently held the knife against his artery.

Anyone would understand what that meant. Lu Yang stopped shouting, his voice lowering. “Who the fuck are you?”

Still pressing the knife to Lu Yang’s neck, Xie An’yu wordlessly grabbed his collar and dragged him into the narrow alley beside the restaurant. The alley was pitch black.

Xie An’yu yanked Lu Yang and threw him to the ground. Lu Yang hit the pavement hard, and before he could speak, he felt a crushing weight on his chest, knocking the breath out of him.

Xie An’yu’s foot pressed down on Lu Yang’s chest. In the darkness, he heard Lu Yang cough painfully twice. Slowly, he bent down, glaring at the man on the ground. His eyes had adjusted to the dark—he could make out the contours of Lu Yang’s face through the sack.

“Fuck you… I’ll fucking kill you…” Lu Yang’s voice was muffled inside the sack. His hands were tied, his chest pinned under Xie An’yu’s foot—he couldn’t move at all, just like a fish on a chopping block²像一條躺在砧板上的魚 (xiàng yī tiáo tǎng zài zhēn bǎn shàng de yú): T/N: From the idiom 人為刀俎，我為魚肉 (rén wéi dāo zǔ , wǒ wéi yú ròu), lit. to be the meat on somebody’s chopping block; (figuratively) to be at somebody’s mercy; be meat or fish on sb’s chopping board—be at sb’s mercy; others are the butchers and I am the meat. The idiom uses the metaphor of “knife and chopping board” (the butchering tool) and “fish and meat” (the object being butchered) to reveal the situation where the power of life and death is controlled by others. In modern contexts, it is often used to describe a passive situation of power imbalance. From 《史記·項羽本紀》 (Records of the Grand Historian: Annals of Xiang Yu). 如今人方為刀俎，我為魚肉，何辭為？, Now they are like the butcher’s knife and chopping block, and we are like the fish and meat, what’s the use of saying goodbye?.

Just hearing Lu Yang’s voice made Xie An’yu feel sick. His expression darkened as he punched Lu Yang in the face. Lu Yang groaned in pain, thrashing his legs—and a pack of cigarettes fell out of his pants pocket.

Xie An’yu glanced at it. The sight of the cigarette box rolling on the ground ignited the fury he’d been holding since last night. Gritting his teeth, he yanked Lu Yang up and punched him in the face.

Xie An’yu remained silent the entire time, throwing punch after punch at Lu Yang’s face, each one met with muffled grunts. Blood seeped from Lu Yang’s mouth, soaking through the sack, filling the alley with the faint metallic scent of blood.

Xie An’yu finally stopped, breathing heavily. The violence had gradually quelled his rage, but he was drenched in sweat.

“It’s Xie An’yu, isn’t it?” Lu Yang asked weakly, his breath uneven.

Xie An’yu didn’t answer. Suddenly, Lu Yang mustered all his strength to roar, “It’s fucking Xie An’yu, isn’t it?! I know it’s you! You goddamn bastard! What, you here to avenge that guy? All I did was burn him with a cigarette, and you pull this shit on me?! You fucking suicidal piece of trash!!! Cough… cough…”

Lu Yang let out a cold laugh, spewing vile, insane obscenities. “What, have you two already rolled around in bed and fucked each other’s asses? Must really love him to go this far, Xie An’yu! Huh?!”

Xie An’yu’s eyes widened as he suddenly grabbed Lu Yang by the throat. He remained silent for a long time, Lu Yang’s words echoing in his mind.

Lu Yang could feel Xie An’yu’s hand trembling slightly. He could no longer laugh—every chuckle sent pain shooting through his body. He smiled soundlessly. “I knew it was you.”

Xie An’yu released Lu Yang, who lay on the ground, too weak to struggle, blood continuously seeping from his mouth and nose.

Xie An’yu picked up the cigarette box from the ground, pulled out a cigarette, then fished a lighter from Lu Yang’s pocket. He lit the cigarette, crouched beside Lu Yang, and spoke calmly, “Just because I can’t involve the police in what you’ve done doesn’t mean I won’t deal with you myself.”

“Don’t push my limits again. If you ever mess with the people around me, I will kill you.”

Xie An’yu pressed the burning cigarette tip against Lu Yang’s right ring finger. Lu Yang flinched in pain.

“I’m not afraid to die. I hope you aren’t either,” Xie An’yu said in a low voice to Lu Yang.

Xie An’yu walked out of the alley, glanced down at the cigarette in his hand, and suddenly put it in his mouth and took a drag. He choked unexpectedly, exhaling a few puffs of white smoke.

He stubbed out the cigarette and tossed it into the nearest trash bin. Wiping the blood off his hands with a tissue, he took the last subway home.

***

Xie An’yu had turned off his phone and only realized after arriving home that Yu Feng had called him multiple times. Unable to reach him and seeing how late it was, Yu Feng had been waiting in the living room, worried. When Xie An’yu opened the door and walked in, he was met with Yu Feng’s stormy expression.

Yu Feng turned his head to look at him, his brow furrowed. “Why was your phone off?”

Xie An’yu met Yu Feng’s gaze. His face was hidden behind a mask, so his expression was unclear, and his clothes were covered in dirt.

Yu Feng walked over, only noticing upon closer inspection that Xie An’yu’s right hand was swollen and covered in small cuts.

“What happened?” Yu Feng grabbed Xie An’yu’s hand to examine it. “How did you hurt yourself?”

Xie An’yu lowered his eyes and didn’t say anything.

Yu Feng was silent for a moment, and his voice deepened. “Did you go after your former boss?”

Xie An’yu nodded.

Yu Feng was both surprised and unsurprised—this was exactly the kind of thing Xie An’yu would do, but he hadn’t expected him to act so impulsively, picking a fight the very next day. He sighed. “Did you fight him? Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Xie An’yu shook his head, his voice hoarse. “No fight. I beat him up.”

Yu Feng was taken aback. “A one-sided ambush?”

“You’re so smart,” Xie An’yu said, genuinely impressed by Yu Feng, though the remark sounded absurd given the circumstances.

Yu Feng was almost laughing in anger. He led Xie An’yu to the living room. “Take off your mask. It’s too hot for that.”

Xie An’yu removed his mask and cap. Yu Feng fetched the first-aid kit from the study, pulling out gauze and iodine.

“Give me your hand,” Yu Feng said.

Xie An’yu held out his hand.

“This might sting. Bear with it.”

“Mm.”

Yu Feng started by disinfecting Xie An’yu’s wound with iodine. To prevent infection, he then wrapped gauze around Xie An’yu’s hand.

Yu Feng gently held Xie An’yu’s wrist with his left hand, his index finger resting on the webbing between Xie An’yu’s thumb and forefinger. Xie An’yu had thought his right hand was numb, but when Yu Feng touched him, he realized that wasn’t the case—the places where Yu Feng’s fingers made contact felt incredibly hot.

Xie An’yu was mesmerized, watching Yu Feng’s hands.

Yu Feng suddenly glanced up at him, and Xie An’yu lifted his gaze, meeting his eyes.

“Are you sure you’re not hurt anywhere else besides your hand?”

“I’m sure.”

Xie An’yu sat on the main sofa cushion while Yu Feng perched on the chaise lounge beside him. Both turned sideways to face each other, and Yu Feng continued scrutinizing Xie An’yu with an assessing gaze. Xie An’yu could only say, “Do you want to check for yourself?”

Again with this kind of ‘innocence’.

Yu Feng looked at Xie An’yu without a change in expression, his throat feeling a little dry.

“Fine, let’s check then.” As he spoke, Yu Feng suddenly leaned in and sniffed Xie An’yu’s face. Now he was certain—the smell of smoke was indeed coming from Xie An’yu’s mouth.

Xie An’yu’s heart nearly skipped a beat as he stared unblinkingly at Yu Feng’s face, now so close to his own.

Yu Feng’s brow furrowed slightly. “You’ve been smoking?”

I don’t feel satisfied about how things were handled. That idiot LY could target XAY & YF again in the future, or even cause another incident with another helpless victim. The best course would be to send him back to the prison, but XAY & YF wasn’t that omnipotent.

List of Idiom in Chapter 44

小題大做 (xiǎo tí dà zuò): to make a big fuss over a minor issue (idiom); Alternative form of 小題大作 (xiǎo tí dà zuò), to make a fuss over a trifling matter; to make a mountain out of a molehill; to blow out of proportion.

瞻前顧後 (zhān qián gù hòu): lit. to look ahead and behind; to be overcautious and indecisive; to look forward and back; to consider prudently; overcautious; think over carefully; hesitate; consider all aspects; weigh pros and cons; looking ahead and then looking back. It describes a person who considers things carefully before doing something; it also describes a person who has too many concerns and is hesitant.

一言一行 (yī yán yī xíng): every word and action (idiom); (literary) a word and an action; words and deeds; what one says and does.

三下五除二 (sān xià wǔ chú èr): lit. three, down five, take away two; (figurative) (doing things) in an instant; in the blink of an eye; quickly and easily; three, set five remove two (abacus rule); efficiently; neat and quick. Originally a mnemonic for abacus calculation, it is now often used to describe doing things quickly and efficiently. A mnemonic device to aid with adding 3 to 2, 3 and 4 in base 10 (also 7, 8 and 9 in base 16) on an abacus.

大喊大叫 (dà hǎn dà jiào): shouting and screaming (idiom); to scream loudly; to shout at the top of one’s voice, to scream loudly, to yell; to kick up a racket; (figuratively) to conduct vigorous propaganda.

竭盡全力 (jié jìn quán lì): to do all one can; to do one’s utmost; to spare no effort; to go all-out; do all one can; exert all one’s energy/strength; to use all one’s strength, describing making the greatest effort.

不知死活 (bù zhī sǐ huó): to act recklessly; to do something regardless of danger; act recklessly and blindly; to act rashly without knowing the consequences.

不堪入目 (bù kān rù mù): unsightly; disgusting to see; unbearable to look at; an eyesore; not fit to be seen; intolerable to the eye; revolting; refers to an image or scene so ugly or vulgar that it is unbearable to look at.

近在咫尺 (jìn zài zhǐ chǐ): very near in distance; at one’s elbow; to be almost within reach; to be close at hand; near at hand; almost upon you; at close quarters; within striking distance; a heartbeat away from; describe a very close distance in physical space or abstract relationship.

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• 1
  不在沉默中爆發，就在沉默中滅亡 (bù zài chén mò zhōng bào fā, jiù zài chén mò zhōng miè wáng): On April 12, 1926, Lu Xun published an essay 《In Memory of Miss Liu Hezhen》. The essay included the famous line ‘Silence, silence! Unless we burst out, we shall perish in this silence!’. Liu Hezhen (刘和珍), a student of the Female Normal University of Peking, perished in the March 18 Massacre (三·一八惨案), a massacre that took place on 18 March 1926, amid an anti-warlord and anti-imperialist demonstration in Beijing, China. The date, March 18, was referred to by Chinese writer Lu Xun as the “darkest day since the founding of the Republic“. More information: Link.
• 2
  像一條躺在砧板上的魚 (xiàng yī tiáo tǎng zài zhēn bǎn shàng de yú): T/N: From the idiom 人為刀俎，我為魚肉 (rén wéi dāo zǔ , wǒ wéi yú ròu), lit. to be the meat on somebody’s chopping block; (figuratively) to be at somebody’s mercy; be meat or fish on sb’s chopping board—be at sb’s mercy; others are the butchers and I am the meat. The idiom uses the metaphor of “knife and chopping board” (the butchering tool) and “fish and meat” (the object being butchered) to reveal the situation where the power of life and death is controlled by others. In modern contexts, it is often used to describe a passive situation of power imbalance. From 《史記·項羽本紀》 (Records of the Grand Historian: Annals of Xiang Yu). 如今人方為刀俎，我為魚肉，何辭為？, Now they are like the butcher’s knife and chopping block, and we are like the fish and meat, what’s the use of saying goodbye?