NB Chapter88

Vitamin gummies, a lunchbox, bowls and chopsticks, a freshly washed hand towel, tissues. I checked each item one by one and neatly placed them into Zhang Xiaoyuan’s school bag, then I began looking for my own tie and identification documents.

After the holiday, he returned to school and I returned to work. Getting up in the morning felt like a form of self-inflicted torment, and I still had to wake the kid in the house while my hair looked like a bird’s nest.

Zhang Xiaoyuan only acted like a child when he was refusing to get up. After I grabbed his ear and called him three or four times, he finally stumbled out of bed, still half-asleep, holding his own mouthwash cup and brushing his teeth barefoot while standing on the dining table.

I knew this wasn’t a good habit, but I was in such a frantic rush myself that I couldn’t care less about sending him back to the bathroom.

Living a meticulous life is not my strong suit; managing this much was truly already my limit.

Breakfast was simple; there was toast, fried eggs, and milk. Zhang Xiaoyuan took one look and started protesting again, saying I was brainwashed by TV dramas and that no one eats this kind of stuff in the morning. I lowered my head to adjust my tie, answering him with a few vague hums and grunts to brush him off, then said, “I’m not brainwashed by TV dramas. I’m just afraid of trouble. Eat all the fried eggs, don’t throw them in the trash.”

He wrinkled his little face, let out a snort, and pulled out his chair as if he were heading to an execution ground.

“Where’s my watch? Where’s my watch?” I muttered while walking around the living room barefoot. I worked too late overtime yesterday, and when I got back, I was so sleepy I could barely keep my eyes open, so my clothes, watch, and shoes were all flung around randomly.

Zhang Xiaoyuan said that, in general, only two kinds of people do that when they get home: one is wealthy people busy with one-night stands, and the other is pitiful, broke, workaholic bachelors.

I scooped up my watch from the shoe cabinet, fastened it onto my left wrist, and raised my eyelids to scan him.

I told him, “That’s not something you should be saying. Next time, weigh your words before you speak. Are you trying to expose the fact that you’ve been watching paid dramas while I’m not around? You can’t miss a huge eighteen-plus warning like that, can you?”

Zhang Xiaoyuan shifted his gaze guiltily. The dining table was set beside the window, and he lowered his head, his movement pausing at just that exact angle.

“Hey, what are you looking at? Eat.” I walked over, bending down curiously to follow his gaze.

“It was already the third day. Every time he left, it never lasted more than four hours.’ Zhang Xiaoyuan extended a finger and pointed downward. “Do you have a grudge against him, or do you owe him money?”

“Who are you talking about?” The light outside was a bit glaring, and I couldn’t help but squint. As I was searching, I suddenly met a pair of smiling eyes. The man was holding a cup of coffee and raised his arm slightly as if he were greeting someone.

“That’s him, he’s even waving at us.” Zhang Xiaoyuan turned his head to look at me. “You didn’t provoke some kind of stalker, did you? Or is he your ex-boyfriend? If I knew you had this kind of criminal record, I would have preferred to stay in the orphanage.”

“Even if you’re staying at the welfare home, you still have to go to school.” I was always left speechless by his maturity, so I lightly pressed his head and told him to go back to the dining table and finish eating.

Children always have curiosity about the most bizarre things; he wasn’t particularly interested in the handsome man who had suddenly appeared downstairs. After a yawn, he simply turned back to devouring his fried eggs and toast.

Meanwhile, I stole another glance at the man, only to be caught right in the act. He was still tilting his head up, smiling at me, so I pulled the curtains shut with a sharp swish.

“Is he here every day? How did I not notice?” I questioned Zhang Xiaoyuan while clutching a corner of the curtain.

“You leave early and come back late every day and are tired like a dog. You walk without even lifting your head, so how could you look to either side?” Zhang Xiaoyuan sat on the chair with his toes bobbing up and down.

The way he spoke now already carried a bit of Li Yi’s mannerisms. It seemed I had still been giving him too much internet time.

However, I was in no mood to lecture him right now.

I parted the curtains a fraction and peeked out quietly.

He was sitting leisurely by the roadside with his gaze resting on the pedestrians and vehicles passing by on the street. His calm and casual demeanor was completely out of place with the dusty roadside. While everyone else was struggling desperately just to get by, he remained relaxed and unhurried, dressed in a full suit with his jacket left loosely unbuttoned, the collar of his snow-white shirt standing out starkly.

So, he had actually stayed here for three days. Looking at that handsome face, I suddenly felt a chill run down my spine. It reminded me of a movie I once liked, a story about a man consumed by paranoid love. One moment he is being rejected, and the next he pulls out a knife, carving bloody lines across his own arm. The more his beloved rejected him, the more he would harm himself.

I knew Zhang Mingsheng wouldn’t do something like that.

But my life had been peaceful for too long. Suddenly coming face to face with the vortex that was Zhang Mingsheng again made my heart pound wildly, leaving me unable to tell whether what surged through me was excitement or unease.

He still hasn’t changed; he refuses to change even a single bit.

Zhang Xiaoyuan took a difficult bite of his fried egg and mumbled indistinctly, “TV dramas say that people who court someone like this are all stalkers or obsessive psychopaths. You need to be careful, don’t just judge by appearances.”

“He really is.” I stared at the man’s profile, murmuring in a low voice.

“Huh? What did you say?” Zhang Xiaoyuan turned his head around.

“Nothing. Hurry up and eat, you’re going to be late.” I let go of the curtain and took a few steps away from the window.

Zhang Mingsheng finding this place was actually within my expectations. To be fair, he should have known where I lived a long time ago. Otherwise, those gifts on the tree branches by my door and the strangers inexplicably claiming I had hit the jackpot in a lucky draw wouldn’t have suddenly appeared in my life.

But I had said that unless we met by chance, he wasn’t allowed to disturb me. And he really did keep the promise, never showing his face.

It wasn’t until I took Zhang Xiaoyuan abroad and accidentally ran into him on a snow-covered street that I understood. The way he looked at me was as if his gaze had been nailed to my body, as though I had broken some kind of seal.

This was what I had promised him: as long as we accidentally met on the street, I would consider starting over.

But we had simply gone to a place we used to go to at a similar time. Whether that counted as cheating, or whether it was me giving him the chance to cheat, I couldn’t say.

I still felt like I wasn’t ready.

But life doesn’t leave you room to consider so much; there are always plenty of things to do. I picked up Zhang Xiaoyuan’s backpack and led him downstairs. My motorcycle was parked by the street, and I didn’t know if it had been ticketed.

I purposely avoided looking to the left, but out of the corner of my eye, I still caught sight of Zhang Mingsheng.

He was looking over too.

Once you discover a person’s existence, you can no longer pretend as if nothing happened.

The urge to escape enveloped me. I made Zhang Xiaoyuan put his helmet on properly and hold onto my waist, then started the motorcycle and sped away.

That gaze still followed me until I turned the corner.

He was watching me the entire time; I knew it.

By the time I returned, dusk had already begun to fall. I rushed back as if flying before parking my bicycle by the roadside. I quickly removed my heavy helmet with anxiety tightening in my chest as I hurried to see whether that person was still there.

The moment I turned my head; a can of beer appeared in my line of sight.

Fine beads of condensation were still forming on the outside of the can, a clear sign that it had been thoroughly chilled.

I froze for a moment, then reached out and took it.

“You’re back so early today?” Zhang Mingsheng had changed into slightly more casual clothes. His hair was damp, and he radiated the refreshing scent of someone who had just showered.

He wasn’t the kind of pure psychopath who would stand outside someone’s building for days and nights without washing; he would still go home to clean himself up.

Thinking of this, I breathed a sigh of relief.

“The case was just closed, so I should be quite free for a while from now on.” I told him.

He nodded.

We sat on the roadside bench with a bit of distance between us, one at each end.

The beer popped open with a fizzing hiss. Just as I brought it to my lips, I remembered I couldn’t drink, so I lowered it and kept it in my hand.

At six in the evening, the pedestrians’ profiles were rimmed in a golden backlight. Night was about to descend, and every last trace of clarity was being swallowed by a twilight that felt like flowing water or fine sand, slowly drifting into indistinctness, where even temperature and warmth began to blur together.

The beer rested in my palm, its chill seeping into my skin as if it were freezing my lifeline itself.

“I prefer the night to now,” Zhang Mingsheng suddenly said. “When I see your lights go off and stay off all night, I know the two of you are sleeping soundly.”

It was almost unbelievable that such words would come out of his mouth.

“But I like now,” I said. “The heavy traffic, and everyone heading home.”

“True. It’s just that I rarely see you come back at this time. Today is the first time.” He turned his head and looked at me with a smile.

“Do you have any idea how terrifying you are being right now?” I didn’t have time to indulge him in any romance, so I turned fully toward him and began to accuse him. “You’re basically a paranoid psycho, a stalker. That’s how so many murderers start out. You’ll scare the kid to death.”

“I only wanted to see you,” Zhang Mingsheng replied without flinching. “But I remembered my lesson and didn’t take a step closer.”

I let out a cold snort. “Your lesson isn’t deep enough yet.”

“Perhaps.” He said, the smile remained on his face.

I let out a sigh.

“One day, I heard your footsteps getting closer and closer,” he said softly. “My heart ached so much at that time, just as much as it does now.”

“Is it that feeling of being shot again?”

“Yes, but there seems to be a bit of a difference.”

“If that’s the case, then don’t wait anymore.” I had completely forgotten about my restrictions, gulping down half the can of beer in one go before crushing the aluminum can in my hand. “If I want to see you, I will call you.”

“Will you?”

He stared at me, his gaze as calm as water.

“I want a normal life.”

“But I always have abnormal thoughts in my mind, so you can’t come near me, right?”

I didn’t answer.

Zhang Mingsheng suddenly moved closer to me. He rolled up his sleeve, exposing a firm forearm traced with blue veins, and turned the inside of his wrist toward me. Tattooed there was a pair of silver handcuffs; it was small, almost delicate, yet sitting close to his pulse.

He spoke in a low voice, “I will prepare a thousand knives for your life, each one only you can draw and a hundred pistols that only you can obtain.”

Looking at that tattoo, I was somewhat at a loss for words. My heart was pounding at an unbelievable speed again.

Yet, I couldn’t accept what he had just said.

Looking into his eyes, I said earnestly, “Zhang Mingsheng, do I really need you to make concessions like this? Am I really that terrified of you?”

“I know you won’t be afraid,” he smiled at me. “Even if the whole world is afraid, you never will be.”

I fell into silence. Being this close to him, we were bound to get even closer. The moment our noses were about to touch, I turned my head away before casting my eyes down to look at the wood-grain patterns on the bench.

“I don’t mind tangling with you until the very end myself, but you shouldn’t scare the kid.”

Zhang Mingsheng lifted his head and looked back to search for the window of my home. “It seems his mental resilience is a bit poorer now than it used to be.”

He was talking about Zhang Xiaoyuan.

“Because he doesn’t need to assume the worst-case scenario for everything anymore.” I countered.

“Keke is doing great. She is very happy, and she has more of a personality now.”

“Are you showing off?”

“I want to put your mind at ease.”

Thinking of the little girl who had bumped into my legs back in Japan, my heart softened.

“Have you figured out to what extent you are willing to sacrifice for them now?” I said. “Being a parent isn’t playing house.”

“I am even willing to die for them,” he answered, “as long as you give the word.”

I was truly allergic to this kind of grand, tragic dialogue.

With my head lowered, I said, “I don’t like this kind of trade-off as if someone is allowed to be discarded.”

“I know,” he said. “You only like to put yourself on the line.”

The twilight finally faded into darkness.

“I’ve done everything I promised you. From now on, I will hold on tight and never let go.” Zhang Mingsheng stood up. “So I hope that you, Officer Yu, won’t hesitate and look back either.”

“Am I just supposed to throw down my weapons and surrender?” I leaned back while looking up at him.

He smiled, turned, and walked toward the road before striding across without looking left or right at all.

An instant after he crossed, a car roared past.

“Are you looking for death?!” I shouted loudly.

Zhang Mingsheng turned around on the other side of the road and made a hand gesture of a phone call lightly rocking his hand next to his ear.

He said with a smile, “Call me.”