Thursday came, and Fan Xia didn’t show up.
Friday passed, still no sign of him.
No text messages, no calls.
Shanghai was huge; even in 2003, with a permanent population of seventeen million, avoiding someone was easy. In a small university district of just tens of thousands of students, vanishing from someone’s sight was even easier.
Ning Jianguo opened the door and was surprised to see only his son return. Fan Xia wasn’t with him.
“Why didn’t Xiao Xia come back with you?”
For once, Zhao Jingwen wasn’t home either; he’d been busy with some fashion week collaboration with an international brand and would be home late.
“Oh, their school had something, so we went back separately,” Ning Xiaobei replied calmly, setting down his backpack.
“Will he come over for dinner? Why don’t you text him and ask?”
Ning Jianguo didn’t know what had happened between the two kids; he assumed everything was normal.
Zhao Jingwen hadn’t told his partner what Fan Xia had said.
A clever man doesn’t have to be clueless to play the father-in-law. Old Zhao was very shrewd.
Just as Ning Xiaobei pulled out his phone at the window, he saw Fan Xia’s hurried back beneath the streetlight, disappearing into the night.
“Dad, Fan Xia said he’s busy and won’t be coming for dinner.”
Putting down his phone, Ning Xiaobei finally exhaled.
Rarely did father and son get a meal together, so Ning Jianguo inevitably talked a lot. He asked if Xiaobei was keeping up with his studies, how he got along with classmates, and even suggested he use the winter break to get a driver’s license.
After circling around, Ning Xiaobei cut straight to the point.
“Dad, are you trying to ask if I like someone?”
Adults are always like that. In middle and high school, they guard against romance as carefully as fire or theft. But once their kids enter university, they’d probably want them to bring a partner home the day after the semester starts.
The real-world Ning Jianguo might have had such thoughts, too. But at the time, the family was too poor. If his son wanted a girlfriend, there really wasn’t money to support it.
Although Shanghai didn’t emphasize bride prices, even the most frugal wedding would still cost over a hundred thousand yuan. Most importantly, Ning Jianguo couldn’t buy a house for his son. Nowadays, young women wouldn’t live with their in-laws, so the son couldn’t move into the girl’s family either. So it was never discussed.
Now things were different. This Ning Jianguo had confidence and money.
As long as the girl didn’t ask for the stars or the moon, he could cover a decent apartment in central Shanghai, a wedding at an international hotel, and even the trendiest overseas honeymoon. Over the years, he and Zhao Jingwen had invested in stocks and other ventures, amassing close to a million in savings. Xiaobei only had to ask, and it was all at his disposal.
In Ning Jianguo’s mind, Xiaobei should still marry a local girl; someone around the same age, with similar education. Ideally, her family would live nearby. When it came time to buy a house, it would be close enough for frequent visits, and he could even cook for them.
Even better, it would be someone who’d grown up together with him, someone familiar from childhood… too bad Lele had already been taken by Yangyang, or else neighbors upstairs and downstairs could’ve become in-laws; a perfect arrangement.
“Dad, I’m not thinking about that right now.”
Ning Xiaobei set down his chopsticks and spoke frankly. “I just want to focus on my studies.”
He paused, licked his lips, and added, “Dad, I might not be back every weekend anymore. I’m planning to enroll in a German course, to properly learn German.”
With Fan Xia not pestering him these past days, he’d scoped out several nearby language schools and decided that the foreign languages institute seemed the most reliable, with strong teaching staff. He’d go twice a week and see how it went for a year.
“You’re really planning to study abroad?”
Ning Jianguo recalled his son mentioning it before. Xiaobei had chosen mechanical engineering to prepare for studying in Germany. But that had been back in high school when he filled out his college preferences, and so long without mention, his father assumed Xiaobei had forgotten.
“Yeah, but I don’t have any real foundation in German. The school offers a second foreign language, but I don’t think that’s enough. If I want to apply to study abroad, I’ll need to meet the GPA requirements; basically, the German version of TOEFL.”
Ning Xiaobei didn’t see himself as particularly gifted. With languages, the only truth was to start early and practice relentlessly. Waiting until junior year to decide whether to go abroad and then trying to learn the local language would be far too late.
Ning Jianguo knew his son better than anyone. Hearing this, he knew it was set in stone.
He felt a twinge of emotion, but even more pride. Nodding repeatedly, he said, “Good. Keep studying, go all the way to Master’s and PhD. Your old man will always support you.”
After dinner, Ning Xiaobei was washing dishes in the kitchen when Aunt Pang from downstairs knocked on the door. It turned out to be her daughter, Lingling, in the same year as Ning Xiaobei. She had failed the college entrance exam and was repeating the year. Her university student tutor couldn’t come today, and she was stuck on two math problems. She asked Ning Xiaobei to help.
By the time Ning Xiaobei left Lingling’s place, it was already past nine. He walked to the junction of the corridor and stairs, about to head upstairs, when Fan Xia happened to return.
Their eyes met, and both their expressions stiffened.
Fan Xia stood under the corner’s streetlamp, his tall frame blocking most of the light, leaving only two drifting, ambiguous rays across Ning Xiaobei’s face. The light seemed to dissolve his expression into the dim, yellowing plaster of the stairwell walls.
“Did you come looking for me?”
Fan Xia spoke first.
He saw Ning Xiaobei walking up from below and assumed he had come to apologize. That thought slightly eased his brooding mood, even bringing a bit of secret delight.
“I went to my dad’s place.”
Fan Jian had specially arranged a birthday celebration for him today, with a full table of drinks.
His little sister, Fan Nuxia, was already in elementary school and adored her brother. She clung to him constantly, even wanting him beside her when she slept. If Fan Xia hadn’t been so preoccupied with Ning Xiaobei, he might have almost agreed to stay at his dad’s place instead of going to Uncle’s house.
He had purposely gone two days without contacting Ning Xiaobei, just so he could confront him in person and ask how he could have said such things.
Day and night, whether in class or asleep, he kept replaying that kiss over and over in his mind.
Xiaobei’s soft lips, Xiaobei’s warm breath, the tiny pores on Xiaobei’s nose; every detail he chewed over, ruminated on countless times.
Of course, there was also that icy, devastating line that had completely wounded him: “A little gross…”
How could the boss ever say something like that?
He couldn’t make sense of it.
Since he could accept the relationship between his Uncle and Uncle Ning, Xiaobei definitely wasn’t the type to discriminate against homosexuals. He wouldn’t find homosexuality disgusting.
That left only one possibility: Xiaobei found him disgusting.
How could that be?!
“You’re coming with me.”
Fan Xia grabbed Ning Xiaobei by the arm, opened the door to Room 216, and pushed him inside.
Zhao Jingwen hadn’t returned home yet. The entire apartment was pitch-dark and quiet, except for a small light in the foyer and the faint glow of streetlamps seeping through the windows.
The half-open window swayed in the strong wind, and the dark red curtain billowed up like the hem of a little girl’s dress twirling in a waltz.
Their building was now considered an old complex; the trees in the green belt had grown so tall that branches almost reached the windows. The streetlight’s glow was mostly blocked by the dense leaves. Ning Xiaobei’s back pressed against the entryway cabinet, with mottled patches of light from the gaps in the leaves scattered across his face.
“What did you mean that day?”
Fan Xia leaned forward, both hands bracing on either side of Ning Xiaobei.
“Didn’t you know it was my birthday? Taking me to that social gathering, was that how you celebrated my coming of age?”
He arched his back, casting a huge shadow over Ning Xiaobei. The dark eyebrows furrowed, eyes shining brilliantly, he looked like a stunning black leopard on the African savanna.
Under the weight of his presence, Ning Xiaobei turned his head, furrowing his brow. “No… it wasn’t like that.”
He propped himself up on his elbows. This Fan Xia felt unfamiliar, almost imposing.
That day, Ning Xiaobei only realized after returning to the dorm that it had been Fan Xia’s birthday. Things had already unfolded, and though he felt a pang of guilt, he didn’t want to over-explain.
He was convinced this was for the best.
Fan Xia went to meet his friends, and Ning Xiaobei turned his attention back to planning his next steps in school.
They were just like any ordinary friends in the world; each following their own path, occasionally intersecting. That was the path Fan Xia should be taking.
The right path.
“So then, what did you mean by that?”
Fan Xia lifted his chin. He had always been open and honest, never hiding the hurt in his eyes. “Why did you say I was disgusting?”
“It’s not like that…”
It had just been a careless slip of the tongue.
But before Ning Xiaobei could explain, soft, continuous, intimate kisses suddenly rained down.
On his forehead scattered with stray bangs, on his slightly plump cheeks, on his finely shaped small chin, and on his lips curved with a hint of bitterness; all are kissed by him bit by bit.
He cupped his face as if holding a measure of pearls, a delicate feather; like a saint venerating the hem of a goddess’s skirt, kissing the goddess’s instep.
There wasn’t a trace of lust in his eyes; only absolute clarity.
“Boss…”
This was a nickname he had heard countless, countless times. But now, it spilled from Fan Xia’s mouth with a rush of warmth, falling onto Ning Xiaobei’s neck and shoulders. His elbows, which had been supporting him, suddenly went weak, and he nearly slid off the cabinet.
The only thing keeping him from falling was Fan Xia’s arm around his waist, and the long legs somehow bracing against both sides of his knees.
“I’m not gross, am I?”
The tone was plaintive, even the question mark seemed wounded.
His eyes sparkled, his slightly plump cheeks still carried traces of youth, and his large, dark eyes were wet, reminiscent of Bush, Brother Kai’s dog. Caught between youth and adulthood, both mature and naïve, the way he looked at someone could drive any woman crazy.
“Boss, you can’t say I’m gross.”
With eyes like a big dog closing, Fan Xia hooked his chin and slowly lowered his head.
Ning Xiaobei knew that if he really tried, he could have avoided it. Though he was a head shorter, he wasn’t a girl; he could have leaned aside or pushed him away. He could have done it.
But he didn’t. He was enchanted, enveloped by Fan Xia’s presence, wrapped in the lingering September heat outside, mesmerized by the faint, flickering light of the entryway.
His waist went completely limp, like a branch snapping under a storm. His body and soul no longer felt like his own. A bolt of electricity seemed to rise from his tailbone, racing along his spine to his lower back, chest, and even lungs. He felt breathless and instinctively opened his mouth.
Fan Xia seized the opportunity.
Rationality fled.
All plans, intentions, dreams for a year later, four years later, China, abroad, dream world, real world—everything shattered in an instant.
Vanished up into smoke, soaring to the heavens.
He dodged. He pursued.
In the end, his tongue and his very soul were claimed.
Minutes later, Fan Xia released him, but a silver thread seemed unwilling to let them part.
Fan Xia noticed it, smiled maliciously, and lowered his head again to lick the corner of his mouth.
“I’m not gross, am I? Right?”
It was both a question and a statement.
“Fan Xia, are you a dog?”
Ning Xiaobei couldn’t take it and kicked him hard in the knee.
“You kissed me once yesterday, I have to kiss you back today. That’s called revenge… ouch!”
Fan Xia hadn’t finished gloating before he yelped; the tailbone hitting the doorframe made him howl.
“Who’s behind the door? If someone’s home, why isn’t the light on?”
The Zhao family’s front door opened inward. Zhao Jingwen had just finished some social engagements and, seeing the house pitch black, used his key to open the door. No sooner had he pushed it open that a loud scream came from inside.
The scream triggered the motion-sensor light on the stairs.
“Uncle Zhao… good evening.”
Ning Xiaobei emerged from behind the entryway, hunched over.
He hurried, his left foot nearly stepping on the right.
To save electricity, the corridor lights in the old apartment building were only fifteen watts. As Zhao Jingwen put it, standing in the hallway at night felt like going back to the old society.
Yet even under that dim light, Zhao Jingwen noticed Ning Xiaobei’s flushed cheeks, as if he’d been drinking, and his slightly glossy lips.
“G-good evening…”
Old Zhao stepped back two paces, his hands and feet weak, almost stepping on a turtle shell drying outside the neighbor’s door. Dodging it, his head bumped into a hanging salted fish and a garlic clove.
Watching Ning Xiaobei disappear around the stairwell corner, Zhao Jingwen finally clutched his chest and entered the house.
Right in front of him was Fan Xia, grinning like an idiot.
An expression exactly like the one he had more than twenty years ago when he’d secretly kissed Ning Jianguo for the first time.
Zhao Jingwen slammed the door, set his bag on the shoe rack, and casually pulled out the feather duster hanging behind the door.
Years of disuse had left it dusty. When he brought it out, both uncle and nephew were choked by the dust. Fan Xia’s face changed, as if waking from a dream.
“Uncle, let me explain… ah-choo, ah-choo.”
“You little brat, don’t even think of running.”
Zhao Jingwen, worried about disturbing the neighbors, growled under his breath.
He pressed his nose, brows knitted.
“Kneel!”
………………
Author’s Note:
Fan Xia: Uncle Ning! I’m your familiar, nearby, well-matched son-in-law!
I’m too soft-hearted to let Fan Xia suffer even a bit… alright, just kiss already.
====================

