ADWMCES Chapter66

Chu Fengqing pursed his lips and was a little unresponsive for a moment. He subconsciously took a few steps toward the door, but suddenly thought of something and turned back. At that moment, a subtle flicker finally appeared in his eyes, which had never shown sadness or joy before.

He stared at Qing Niao and asked softly, “What happened?”

Qing Niao was slightly stunned, perhaps because he could not expect Chu Fengqing, who was always calm and composed, to be so unrestrained. “Master was stabbed while chasing the criminals.”

“Where is he?”

Qing Niao: “The Ji Mansion.”

Chu Fengqing didn’t even ask how seriously Ji Yujin was injured. He turned around and walked towards the Ji Mansion.

He was used to being a quiet and aloof person, and also because of his asthma, his parents asked him not to be anxious or too emotional when encountering things. But when he was a child, he was actually a little crybaby. He would be indecisive and run to his parents and family crying when he encountered the slightest trouble.

Once he raised a puppy, and then the puppy fell sick. He used his body, which was not much bigger than the puppy, to hold the puppy and ran to find his elder brother. His short legs could not run very fast, and he looked very embarrassed along the way. His elder brother felt sorry for him and could not bear to see him sad, so he took him to see the imperial physician and forced the imperial physician to treat the puppy.

The poor imperial physician probably had never treated a dog in his life, so he was unable to save the puppy. The puppy died after being raised for only half a month. He hugged the puppy and cried uncontrollably. That was the first time he faced death, and “death” became more concrete from a noun.

His asthma flared up because of his intense emotions, and his face turned red. No matter how hard he tried to breathe, he couldn’t get the air he needed. This was the first time he faced death since he could remember.

At that time, his family had been truly terrified. His elder brother and mother stayed by his side all night, and when he finally woke, the first thing he saw was his elder brother, who had never shed a tear before, sobbing upon seeing him open his eyes. At that time, his elder brother was not much older than him, and his face was covered with tears and snot. He patted his eldest brother’s head with his chubby little hand to tell him to stop crying, but his elder brother pushed his hand away with disgust and awkwardness.

After he fell ill, his mother also fell seriously ill. His father did not let him see his mother because he was too weak, and they were afraid that she would pass the disease on to him. However, he went to see his mother secretly without anyone noticing.

He stood beneath the window and, not being tall enough, rose onto his tiptoes to peer inside, yet still came up a little short. With a grunt, he dragged over a stone to stand on, then carefully climbed, gripping the windowsill, and finally caught sight of the scene within.

He saw the imperial physician, compelled by his elder brother to tend to the puppy, now checking his mother’s pulse. The physician’s expression was far more composed than when he had been treating the puppy. He heard the old man with white beard say to his father, “Madam has too many worries and is too tired. This was why she had hurt herself. She needs to rest and relax, and she will get better naturally.”

Chu Fengqing was still young at that time and didn’t understand what worry was.

However, he heard his mother, who was usually gentle as water, was now very emotional. “My Qing’er has suffered so much at such a young age. How can I not worry? It’s all my fault. I didn’t give him a good body in the womb. It would be great if I could suffer for him.”

Chu Fengqing vaguely understood that his mother’s illness was caused by him. His breathing became a little rapid. He loosened his hands that were clinging to the windowsill and jumped down carefully. Tears welled up in his big eyes, and the corners of his mouth curved downwards.

He didn’t want to make his mother sick, and he didn’t want to be a bad kid either.

He sat beneath the windowsill, hugging his legs with his arms, listening to his father soothe his mother, hearing her gentle sobs, and watching her tears fall, one by one. Chu Fengqing cried silently, without making any sound, because he felt that his mother and the others probably didn’t want him to hear this, so he couldn’t make a sound.

That was the first time he understood and learned the word “restraint”.

Ever since then, he had been holding himself back to avoid worrying his family. He couldn’t show too much emotion, walk too quickly, chew his food too fast, or eat anything that might make him ill, no matter how much he wanted to.

He no longer keeps a puppy, no longer pleads with his elder brother to teach him horse riding or martial arts, no longer wanders into the back garden to pick flowers, especially in spring; he no longer runs and plays with his uncle’s son, and, as someone once remarked, he mustn’t get angry either…

The little boy made three rules for himself, adding one more thing that he should not do every day, just to avoid making his family worry and sad.

From then on, Chu Fengqing’s temperament changed. He stopped crying, and it was rare to see him getting emotional. His eyes gradually became clear, as if he had no sadness or joy. He walked and ate politely and slowly, but with a sense of alienation, just the right amount, as if isolating him from the secular world.

He always had a cool and aloof feeling, which was not because he was pretending to be elegant but because he really cut off his connection with the world. Everyone said that he was a model of a noble family, but every time he heard about it, he would just smile slightly.

His elder brother looked for him several times, rubbed his head, and said, “Fengqing, there is no need to be like this.”

He eliminated all intensity and violence, including “excitement”.

He once envied his elder brother. He wanted to go to the frontier with him. He also wanted to defend his country and fight the enemy like a real man. For a while, he began to doubt his current life because he could not find its value. He did not know whether he was living just for the sake of living. Just for the sake of living, day after day, year after year, just to live in peace and to survive.

He can’t see the future.

Until he came into contact with medicine, which was his life-saving straw, he began to study it diligently. This was one of the few pleasures in his life. He didn’t know how others behaved when they were rebellious. His greatest rebelliousness was just staying up late to read medical books.

Chu Fengqing walked towards the Ji Mansion. His steps seemed to be measured with a ruler. Each step was of the same size. His back was straight, and each step was very straight.

After more than ten years like this, he gradually got used to this kind of life. It can even be said that this consciousness has been embedded in his soul. He restrained himself so much that he forgot the feeling of indulgence.

Ji Yujin had been an accident, yet this accident led him to glimpse another world entirely and reminded him of the life he had once longed for.

Ji Yujin…

Some things he had hidden for so long, buried so deep, for more than ten years that he had almost forgotten, were dug out bit by bit by him, and all his efforts of more than ten years collapsed before him.

Chu Fengqing pursed his lips, and his steps began to become disordered. His mind was filled with the image of Ji Yujin covered in blood. Gradually, his steps became faster, as if the restraints that had previously trapped him were loosening a little bit.

Ji Yujin is carefree yet just, patient, courageous, and meticulous… He has countless admirable qualities. Even though this isn’t his most glorious moment, one can only imagine how remarkable he must have been before becoming a eunuch.

A person like that saying, “I like you,” comes across like a rebellious, unorthodox man—fearless and resolute, moving forward with unwavering certainty, seemingly indifferent to the judgments of the world.

What’s there to like about him…

Chu Fengqing pursed his lips and looked up at the sky. It was gray, as if a snowstorm was brewing. This snowstorm had been brewing for several days, but it never came down.

Does he like Ji Yujin?

Chu Fengqing had never realized before that the word “joy” was so rare in his life, and thus he didn’t truly know what it felt like.

Later, Ji Yujin showed him through actions that happiness meant doing as he wished and eating what he liked, whether it was riding a horse or enjoying the snacks Ji Yujin bought for him. That’s a happy and excited feeling.

But now Chu Fengqing understands it more accurately. Joy was not just delight and excitement, but also sorrow and worry, the heart caught in the throat, the sting in the nose with longing, the restless yearning to see him, and the irresistible urge to hold him close.

Chu Fengqing thought, So this is joy.

Chu Fengqing put his finger on his lips and coughed lightly, frowned, and walked faster. He finally started to run. He really wanted to see Ji Yujin immediately and hear him say something. It didn’t matter what he said, as long as he was safe.

His steps were small but somewhat clumsy.

The snow that had lingered in the heavens for so long finally descended, blanketing the sky in a veil of white within moments.

There was the sound of whistling wind in his ears. At this moment, Chu Fengqing threw everything aside and acted recklessly.

His throat felt hot, as if it had been burned by fire, and his breathing became more and more rapid. His breathing sounded abnormal, as if there was a hole in it and the wind was rushing in. However, he felt refreshed, and his heart was burning.

The distance from the Chu Mansion to Ji Mansion is neither far nor near. At this moment, he just wants to see Ji Yujin as soon as possible.

He was afraid, afraid that all good things would be fleeting. He also regretted why he was always burdened with so many worries.

Ji Yujin, wait for me, wait for me to tell you.

Steward Mo’s eyes widened slightly when he saw him. Chu Fengqing had always been meticulous, but now his clothes and hair were a little messy, with snow stained on his hair.

An unnatural flush tinged his pale face, and a trace of blood colored his lips, yet his breathing was unusually labored. Still, his features were far too delicate for a mere mortal, carrying a fragile, and broken beauty.

“Where is Ji Yujin…?” Chu Fengqing asked.

He leaned against the door, gasping, his eyes faintly red, hoping for news yet dreading it at the same time. Clenching his fists in an effort to steady himself, he reopened the untreated wound, and blood began to flow once more.