DIHBSG chapter 11

Song Jian reluctantly left the imperial prison and returned to the Tiancha Division. He had just finished bathing and combing his hair when Gong Defu arrived with a group of people.

“Lord Song, once you’ve finished tidying yourself up, come with this old servant to thank His Majesty for his grace.”

Song Jian knew he couldn’t avoid this. He nodded and walked outside, only to see Gong Defu raise a hand to stop him with a smile.

“Lord Song, you’ll have to bring these as well.”

Song Jian looked over.

It was the huge pile of little straw figures he had made from dry straw.

Gong Defu said, “Please forgive me, my lord. His Majesty must inspect these first and issue his approval before you’re allowed to keep them.”

Song Jian had no choice but to pick up all of his little straw figures again.

On the way, he followed Gong Defu through countless twists and turns until they finally reached a sightseeing pavilion in the middle of a lake within the palace grounds. Walking along the wooden walkway, he saw from afar that the man had a long scroll spread out before him and was writing with a brush.

Song Jian obediently stepped forward and saluted. “This subordinate greets Your Majesty.”

Xiao Yinghuai dipped his brush in ink.

Song Jian: “…”

He looked to Gong Defu for guidance. Gong Defu gently shook his head, signaling him to wait.

Song Jian whispered, “It’s not that I can’t kneel. I’m just worried His Majesty didn’t hear me. How about I say it again?”

Gong Defu: “…”

Song Jian blinked at Gong Defu.

Gong Defu wiped the sweat from his forehead and still shook his head.

Song Jian fell silent.

After a while, he still couldn’t help but whisper, “I don’t think His Majesty is the kind of person who hears someone and pretends not to. How can we compare His Majesty to those rude people?”

A stroke in Xiao Yinghuai’s calligraphy suddenly split off.

Sweat poured down Gong Defu’s face.

Xiao Yinghuai forcibly corrected the stroke and continued writing the next character, saying calmly at the same time, “Song Jian, speak louder.”

Upon hearing this, Song Jian quickly saluted again. “This subordinate greets Your Majesty.”

Xiao Yinghuai gave a sound of acknowledgment. “Kneel closer.”

Song Jian, who had just patted his knees and was about to stand up: “??”

Gong Defu reminded him, “Quickly get up and attend to His Majesty. Don’t forget to thank His Majesty for his grace.”

Song Jian responded with several “Oh, oh, ohs,” then hurriedly carried the little cloth bag containing the straw figures up the pavilion steps.

He looked around. Only the place where the man sat cross-legged had a cushion spread out. Fortunately, it wasn’t small, so he shuffled over and knelt on the very edge of it.

He’d been told to kneel closer, but not how close.

Xiao Yinghuai’s peripheral vision paused. Turning his head, he met a pair of blinking pitch-black eyes.

They looked rather innocent.

His gaze lowered and saw the man kneeling exactly on the edge of the cushion.

“…”

Take back the word “innocent.”

Seeing this, Song Jian respectfully presented the little cloth bag with both hands.

“Your Majesty, please have a look.”

Xiao Yinghuai set down his brush, took the little cloth bag, and gave it a shake. Several dozen oddly shaped little straw figures scattered across the paper scroll.

“Do you know that practicing this sort of witchcraft in the palace is a capital offense?”

Song Jian looked blank for a moment before reacting.

“No, no, no, no, no, Your Majesty, that’s not it!”

“Not it?” Xiao Yinghuai picked up one of the straw figures between two fingers and lowered his eyes to examine it. “How am I to know you’re not cursing me?”

Song Jian couldn’t answer. He was completely speechless. Does it have your name written on it? Why would it be cursing you?

He steeled himself and pointed at the straw figure in Xiao Yinghuai’s hand, giving it a name on the spot.

“This is Briar.”

Are you called Briar? Why are you assuming it’s you?

Xiao Yinghuai raised a brow and tossed the straw figure aside.

Song Jian snorted inwardly.

Then Xiao Yinghuai picked up another straw figure and held it in front of Song Jian’s face.

Song Jian: “?”

Xiao Yinghuai: “What’s this one called?”

Song Jian: “…Bramble.”

Damn it, he had a very bad feeling about this.

Xiao Yinghuai picked up the third one.

Song Jian: “Bald Qiang.”

Xiao Yinghuai picked up the fourth one.

Song Jian: “…”

The man’s voice was cold and low.

“Speak.”

If one listened carefully, there was even a trace of impatient threat hidden within it.

“Uh… it’s called Dandan.”

Xiao Yinghuai tossed aside “Dandan” and picked up the next one.

…

Song Jian never would have imagined that one day he would be kneeling here, recalling every cartoon he had watched as a child.

All forty-two little straw figures on the table now had their own names.

Xiao Yinghuai finally showed mercy and granted him permission to take the things back to the Tiancha Division.

Song Jian’s eyes were lifeless.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.”

Standing outside the pavilion, Gong Defu had witnessed the entire process. He couldn’t help pondering to himself. Witchcraft really was a major taboo in the palace, but this obviously wasn’t…

Why did His Majesty…

After thinking it over, a possibility flashed through Gong Defu’s mind.

Could it be that His Majesty did it on purpose?

He secretly glanced at the emperor, who was usually expressionless.

Song Jian obediently packed Briar, Bramble, Bald Qiang, and the others into the little cloth bag. Xiao Yinghuai let out a barely audible sneer.

“Do you need me to help you?”

Song Jian’s hands instantly sped up.

Gong Defu: “…”

Good heavens.

Their emperor really did seem rather bored.

After packing away the straw figures, Song Jian set the little cloth bag aside.

Xiao Yinghuai said, “Grind the ink.”

Song Jian responded with an “Oh,” picked up the inkstick, and began grinding it in circles.

Only after grinding for quite a while did he suddenly realize:

Wasn’t he here to thank His Majesty?

How had he started working without another word?

The food he’d brought back from the imperial prison was still on the dining hall table!!

He was waiting to go back and eat it after thanking His Majesty!

Damn it.

Song Jian sped up his grinding.

“Chuachuachua!”

“Shh, shh, shh!”

Ahhhhhhh! Grind grind grind!

By the time Xiao Yinghuai noticed, a large portion of the inkstick had already been worn away. A vein bulged on his forehead: “?”

“Stop!”

Song Jian immediately stopped and even let out a breath before sincerely asking, “Is it enough, Your Majesty?”

Xiao Yinghuai: “(Smile)”

Gong Defu hurried over.

“Lord Song! This is His Majesty’s favorite inkstick! It’s something that can’t be bought even with gold!”

Song Jian sucked in a cold breath and immediately let go as though it had burned his hand.

Gong Defu carefully put the inkstick away, the pained look in his eyes completely genuine.

Xiao Yinghuai coldly threw out a sentence.

“If the ink is gone, use his blood instead.”

Song Jian knelt there, frightened like a quail.

Xiao Yinghuai ignored him. Only after finishing the page did he speak again.

“Lord Song said Prince Xian’s calligraphy is ugly. It seems you’re quite accomplished in this area. Why don’t you help me see how mine is?”

The moment Gong Defu heard His Majesty mention Prince Xian, he knew what followed wasn’t something others should hear. He dismissed all the nearby guards and eunuchs before retreating to the lakeshore himself.

For a time, only Song Jian and Xiao Yinghuai remained in the lakeside pavilion.

Song Jian’s mind raced.

On the surface, His Majesty was asking him to judge the calligraphy.

In reality, he was asking him to state his position—to carefully consider how hard his life was before daring to stand on Prince Xian’s side.

Without even looking, he praised with his eyes closed.

“It looks great!”

Xiao Yinghuai: “Mm. Continue.”

Song Jian gave two thumbs up.

“Your Majesty is amazing!”

Xiao Yinghuai: “What else?”

“Awesome, awesome, awesome!”

“Say more.”

Song Jian’s bootlicking skills were only second-rate. Racking his brains, he could only come up with eight words.

“Graceful as a startled swan! Elegant as a wandering dragon!”¹翩若惊鸿，婉若游龙 is a famous line from Ode to the Goddess of the Luo River, praising someone’s elegant beauty and graceful movements.

Xiao Yinghuai picked up the paper on the table and thrust it in front of him, saying each word distinctly,

“I’m copying regular script.”

Song Jian: “…”

Haha.

Didn’t he say he was bad at flattery?

He’d flattered straight onto the horse’s leg.²This is a play on the Chinese idiom 拍马屁 (pāi mǎpì), which means “to flatter” (literally, “to pat a horse’s rump”). Here, the author changes it to 拍到马腿上了 (pāi dào mǎtuǐ shàng le)—“flattered straight onto the horse’s leg”—to joke that Song Jian’s attempt at flattery completely missed the mark.

It’s over.

Terrified of dying, Song Jian immediately threw himself to the ground and begged for mercy.

“Your Majesty, I know I was wrong! That night… that night this subordinate was kidnapped with a sack over my head! I didn’t go looking for Prince Xian on my own! I don’t even know him! Really!”

Xiao Yinghuai said nothing.

Song Jian continued, “My loyalty to Your Majesty can be witnessed by Heaven and Earth! Please see clearly, Your Majesty!”

Xiao Yinghuai looked at his personal guard, who was trembling slightly.

“Your loyalty to me need not be known by Heaven and Earth. It is enough that I alone know it. But the problem now is that I cannot see your loyalty.”

Song Jian’s eyes started to brim with tears again.

“T-The fact that you can’t see it… isn’t my fault.”

You should blame your eyes, wuuuu!!!

Xiao Yinghuai lifted his chin.

“Hold your tears back.”

Song Jian sniffed: “QnQ.”

“You think I’ve wronged you?”

Song Jian didn’t dare nod.

Xiao Yinghuai said, “Then let me mention something where I haven’t wronged you. Three days have passed regarding Lord Tang and Lord Gao. How have you handled it?”

Damn!

I forgot about that!!

Xiao Yinghuai pinched his face and looked at him from side to side.

“Lord Song, tell me yourself. What are the Tiancha Division’s rules for handling affairs?”

Song Jian: “..QnQ..”

“Th-Those who fail to carry out their duties… receive thirty lashes upon return.”

Xiao Yinghuai released him.

“As long as you know. Go.”

With that, he stood up and walked outside the pavilion to admire the rippling breeze over the lake.

Song Jian hadn’t even been whipped after being thrown into the imperial prison. He trembled like chaff before suddenly crying out and throwing himself over to hug the man’s leg.

“Your Majesty, spare my life! Please give me one more chance! I won’t dare do it again!”

Gong Defu, waiting by the shore without knowing what was going on: “?”

Why is he begging for mercy again?

And so dramatically?

He was afraid Song Jian had unknowingly said something that truly angered Xiao Yinghuai, and even more afraid that he might accidentally push the Son of Heaven into the lake. So he hurried back with quick little steps.

He helped the man clinging tightly to the emperor’s leg up from the ground and chided,

“Lord Song really does love to cry. His Majesty never meant to blame you.”

Xiao Yinghuai glanced at Gong Defu.

“…”

Gong Defu wore an extremely sweet smile as he kindly smoothed things over.

“You may not know this, but those four dishes and one soup you had in the imperial prison were all ordered by His Majesty.”

Gong Defu: first blood.

Xiao Yinghuai: “…”

“Today as well, it was His Majesty who specially permitted this servant to bring you back from the imperial prison.”

Gong Defu: double kill.

Song Jian wiped away his blurry tears.

“? Huh?”

“His Majesty said that Lord Song’s rescue of Lord Tang came from a rare pure heart and deserved to be properly rewarded.”

Gong Defu: triple kill.

Song Jian raised his head and met the man’s gaze.

A vein at Xiao Yinghuai’s temple twitched.

“So, Lord Song, our His Majesty is benevolent and magnanimous. Hurry and thank His Majesty for his grace.”

Gong Defu: quadra kill.

This time Song Jian reacted quickly. He immediately released the emperor’s leg, stepped back, threw himself flat onto the ground, and loudly declared,

“Thank you for Your Majesty’s grace! Long live Your Majesty! Long live! Long live!”

He swore this was the best support play he had ever made.

Xiao Yinghuai was silent for a long while before laughing out of extreme anger.

“Heh.”

He waved a hand, flicked his sleeve, then turned and left.

Song Jian shrank back like a turtle and whispered to Gong Defu,

“His Majesty said I didn’t handle Lord Tang and Lord Gao’s matter well and told me to go receive the lashes.”

Gong Defu also whispered,

“You can be even more at ease about that. The grudge between Lord Tang and Lord Gao didn’t develop in just a day or two. His Majesty said it was simply to give you something to do so you wouldn’t be too idle.”

Xiao Yinghuai, who heard every word:

“…”

Gong Defu still didn’t know that, without realizing it, he had already achieved a pentakill.

Mm.

Gong Defu on the Chinese server—his match history is available for review.

You can read the full completed story here with instant full access. ✨

• 1
  翩若惊鸿，婉若游龙 is a famous line from Ode to the Goddess of the Luo River, praising someone’s elegant beauty and graceful movements.
• 2
  This is a play on the Chinese idiom 拍马屁 (pāi mǎpì), which means “to flatter” (literally, “to pat a horse’s rump”). Here, the author changes it to 拍到马腿上了 (pāi dào mǎtuǐ shàng le)—“flattered straight onto the horse’s leg”—to joke that Song Jian’s attempt at flattery completely missed the mark.