Song Jian didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to be whipped thirty times.
“I think… after thirty lashes, I’ll die. If I die, then I won’t be able to serve His Majesty anymore…”
Even his voice was trembling along with his body. By the time he finished a sentence, it was practically quivering with wavy lines.
Song Jian was in utter despair.
Damn it, stupid voice, stop trembling!
Xiao Yinghuai didn’t speak. His gaze remained cold.
Song Jian’s tears were almost falling.
He got it now. This had to be punishment for sleeping through his morning class. If taking a couple of lashes could send him back, he’d take them—he’d definitely study hard from now on.
But what if they whipped him into a half-dead state?
Paralyzed, with fresh flesh and rotten sores growing together, spending the rest of his life lying on a dark, damp bed with sexy giant cockroaches as company.
No way.
Song Jian was the type who cried easily. Whenever his emotions fluctuated too much, tears would come. While shivering and desperately trying to think of the right words, he wasn’t paying attention, and large tears slid down and hit the floor.
Pat.
Pat pat.
“…”
And because his head was lowered too much, a few tears flowed backward over his upper eyelids.
Originally it was T_T, now it was ⊥_⊥.
Hanazawa Rui was a liar!!!1This is referring to Hanazawa Rui, a character from Boys Over Flowers (Hana Yori Dango), who is often associated with a quirky idea that standing upside down can stop tears from falling. The reference is used humorously to describe someone trying to suppress crying by reversing their position.
Standing upside down couldn’t stop tears at all! They just flowed backward instead!
Song Jian cried so much that his nose got stuffed up. He rubbed it with his hand and then had his chin lifted again.
The man’s rough thumb brushed against the side of his face, examining him slowly for a moment before letting out a very soft click of his tongue.
Crying this badly.
…
Was he really not Song Jian?
Xiao Yinghuai narrowed his eyes.
He knew that Song Jian had colluded with Prince Heng and the former court minister Ji Mingyi. This move had been arranged perfectly on his part. During today’s coup in the Golden Throne Hall, if Song Jian made a move, he would not hesitate to snap his neck and use the heads of his personal guards to draw a bloody ending to Prince Heng’s rebellion.
But everything Song Jian had done today was outside his plans.
Could a martial artist really suddenly forget how to use internal energy?
The calluses on Xiao Yinghuai’s fingertips brushed against damp skin as he met the panicked gaze before him.
Those eyes…
They had become clear and innocent. His curled eyelashes were damp with tears, his eyes black and bright, without the slightest trace of scheming.
Had someone else replaced him? Or was he just acting?
Xiao Yinghuai increased the force in his hand.
Song Jian had always been a man of few words and ruthless in his actions. There was no way the repeated displays of weakness he’d shown in the Imperial Study today were something he would normally say.
If it was acting, the acting was too good.
And besides, how could Song Jian be certain that he wouldn’t kill him?
Song Jian didn’t know any of that.
Song Jian only felt like his jaw was about to shatter. He was already afraid of pain and prone to crying, and now the tears were flowing even harder.
He liked handsome men.
But he also had to admit that, at this moment, his hatred for feudal imperial autocracy had surpassed his liking for handsome men.
Damn dog emperor, aaaarghhhhh!!!
Xiao Yinghuai released him.
“Defu.”
Song Jian lay on the floor, breathing heavily as he looked through tear-blurred eyes: Dove?2Defu (德福) sounds very similar to Dove (德芙), the popular chocolate brand. In China, Dove is especially well known for its long-running slogan “纵享丝滑,” which roughly means “indulge in silky smoothness.” The slogan became so famous that Chinese internet users often reference it as a joke whenever something is described as especially smooth or silky.
The doors of the imperial study opened again. The eunuch called “Defu” entered with a bow.
“Your Majesty.”
“Escort Lord Song back. Have an imperial physician examine him.” Xiao Yinghuai glanced at the person on the floor. “He fell from such a height. Don’t let him damage his brain.”
Defu answered, “Yes,” then turned to Song Jian.
“Lord Song, this way please.”
Song Jian knew he wasn’t going to die. He didn’t hesitate for even a second and hurriedly got up to follow the silky-smooth Eunuch Dove out.
Breathing fresh air again, Song Jian felt incomparably happy.
Though his knees hurt a bit from kneeling.
Eunuch Dove gently closed the door.
“Follow this servant.”
Walking behind him, Song Jian said, “Eunuch Dove.”
Defu replied respectfully, “Lord Song, this servant’s surname is Gong.”
Song Jian said, “Eunuch Gong.”
After saying it, Song Jian fell silent.3“Gong Gonggong” (宫公公) is what Song Jian accidentally says when trying to address Eunuch Gong. In Chinese, gonggong (公公) means “eunuch,” so “Gong Gonggong” sounds repetitive and a bit like a strange crowing or squawking noise. That’s why Song Jian immediately feels embarrassed.
Why did that sound like some bizarre animal noise?
Gong Defu: “…”
Gong Defu: “You should just call this servant Defu.”
Dove — Indulge in Silky Smoothness.
In the end, out of politeness, Song Jian still called him, “Eunuch Defu.”
“Sorry for troubling you.”
Gong Defu instructed a young eunuch beside him to fetch an imperial physician, then led Song Jian through countless twists and turns back to the Tiancha Division.
The Tiancha Division was located deep within the imperial palace.
By now, dusk had already fallen. Yet only a few dim yellow lamps, barely better than nothing, were lit there, making the entire place seem ghostly. Even the plaque at the entrance bearing the words “Tiancha Division” looked as though it had been stained with blood.
Song Jian swallowed.
This place looked like the kind of place where giant cockroaches actually lived.
No joke.
Gong Defu knocked on the door in a rhythmic pattern.
Click.
The door opened.
But nobody was inside.
A chill ran down Song Jian’s back. Just as he was thinking that this place couldn’t be haunted, could it—
Thump.
A person dropped down from above.
The same outfit as Number Seventeen from the imperial study.
Probably another numbered person.
The number person grimaced in pain, then whooshed away again, leaving only a series of cries behind.
“Holy shit my waist waist waist waist waist…”
Song Jian: “…”
He thought it was a killer, turns out it was a rapper.
Gong Defu smiled: “This is Lord Chang Ying, your deputy.”
The point Song Jian focused on was that he actually wasn’t a numbered person.
He asked, “Doesn’t he have another name? Like Number Eighteen or something?”
Real name Chang Ying, AKA Number Eighteen.4Song Jian is joking that “Eighteen” sounds less like the codename of an elite shadow guard and more like the stage name of a modern rapper.
That sounded even more like a rapper.
Gong Defu said, “Lord Eighteen is covering your shift at Yanning Palace tonight.”
See? He knew there had to be—
Wait.
What?
Covering his shift??
Seeing Song Jian’s look of disbelief, Gong Defu explained:
“You have always been the one keeping night watch inside Yanning Palace. His Majesty sleeps lightly. You are the shadow guard with the best qinggong in the Tiancha Division, so naturally this important duty falls to you. It’s just that…”5Qinggong (轻功): A martial arts skill that allows practitioners to move with extraordinary speed, agility, and lightness, often appearing to run across rooftops, skim over water, or leap great distances.
It’s just that today you suddenly decided to commit treason and then knocked yourself stupid.
Gong Defu waved his hand and didn’t continue.
Instead, he said in his high-pitched voice:
“It’s alright, Lord Song. His Majesty is virtuous and benevolent. He has permitted you three days of rest. Just remember to return to night watch duty after three days. His Majesty will not punish you.”
Song Jian felt as if someone had stabbed him directly in the armpit.
Best qinggong?
Him?
Haha.
This felt kind of doomed.
Gong Defu led the way ahead, his tiny quick steps astonishingly fast. Before long, they arrived at Song Jian’s quarters.
“Lord Song, please rest. The imperial physician will arrive shortly.”
After Gong Defu said that, Song Jian truly began to feel pain spreading through every bone in his body.
He had fallen from such a height today.
An ordinary person would have coughed up blood long ago.
Yet he could still jump around alive and well.
He suspected that the reason he hadn’t died on the spot was probably because the original Song Jian had been a martial artist.
Martial artists all had internal energy, right?
Song Jian focused his qi in his dantian.
…
Nothing happened.
Obediently, he climbed onto the bed and lay down spread-eagle.
The bed was so hard.
Harder than the wooden boards in his dormitory.
After keeping his back bent all day, it finally felt broken.
Imperial Physician Mao arrived half a quarter-hour later.
The little old man carried a small medicine box and hurried over, looking like a thief.
Standing at the doorway, he called out in a pinched voice:
“Eunuch Gong!”
At first hearing, it sounded like somebody’s chicken crowing.
Gong Defu went over and pulled him inside.
“Imperial Physician Mao, why not join Lord Song in calling this servant Eunuch Defu?”
Imperial Physician Mao: “o.O?”
Gong Defu: “Xiao Wuzi should already have explained everything. Please examine Lord Song. He fell from such a height in the Golden Throne Hall today, and His Majesty is worried he may have injured his brain.”
Imperial Physician Mao nodded and moved to the bedside. Bracing himself with one arm, he began taking Song Jian’s pulse.
Song Jian secretly watched his expression.
Imperial Physician Mao: “=-=”
Imperial Physician Mao: “o.O?”
Imperial Physician Mao: “O.O!”
Gong Defu: “How is he?”
Imperial Physician Mao: “Hiss~”
Song Jian was thoroughly frightened by that dramatic hiss.
“I’m not suffering from some incurable disease, am I, Imperial Physician Mao?”
Imperial Physician Mao replied:
“Oh, no, not at all. Something was poking me.”
As he spoke, he pulled out a black object from underneath himself.
A concealed weapon.
An iron throwing knife.
Imperial Physician Mao sighed in admiration.
“As expected of the lords of the Tiancha Division. Even their sleeping quarters are full of hidden mechanisms.”
Hearing that, Imperial Physician Mao was clearly a hardcore fan of the Tiancha Division.
Gong Defu pressed on.
“Lord Song is alright, then?”
Imperial Physician Mao said:
“Fine, fine. Just a bit of a cold. You slept without a blanket, didn’t you, Lord Song? I’ll prescribe some medicine. Within three days you’ll be jumping around again.”
He opened his medicine box and pulled out paper and brush, scribbling down several medicinal ingredients.
“Have someone collect the medicine from the Imperial Medical Bureau and decoct it. Or you can give Xiao Lingdang in the rear wing of the Bureau ten wen.6Ten wen (十文)= 10 copper coins He’ll prepare the medicine and deliver it directly to you.”
Song Jian memorized the instructions.
“Alright.”
Having completed his task, Gong Defu bid Song Jian farewell and told him to rest well. Then he prepared to leave the Tiancha Division together with Imperial Physician Mao.
Just before leaving, Imperial Physician Mao suddenly asked:
“Lord Song, may this old man take this concealed weapon away as a collectible?”
A giant question mark appeared over Song Jian’s head: “?”
Imperial Physician Mao: “To be honest, this old man has always admired the lords of the Tiancha Division. My greatest hobby is collecting their little belongings.”
Hiss.
He really was the head fan.
Song Jian never imagined that concealed weapons could be sold as merchandise one day.
He scratched his cheek.
“Does this thing belong to me?”
Gong Defu answered: “It was on your bed, so naturally it belongs to you.”
Song Jian: “…”
Thus, the concealed weapon was happily pocketed by Imperial Physician Mao and carried away.
Meanwhile, Gong Defu returned to the imperial study to report Song Jian’s condition.
Xiao Yinghuai loosely held a scroll in his hand.
“Only a cold?”
Gong Defu replied: “Yes. Imperial Physician Mao prescribed medicine for Lord Song and said he will definitely be lively and energetic again within three days.”
Xiao Yinghuai responded with an “Mm.”
Gong Defu continued: “Your Majesty, today’s events in the hall are full of suspicious points. If Your Majesty is uneasy, this servant can assign someone to follow Lord Song.”
Xiao Yinghuai did not respond.
He turned a page in his book.
Only after a long while did he speak lightly.
“Gong Defu, you’ve become quite capable at your duties these days.”
Gong Defu’s eyes widened.
He immediately dropped to his knees with a thump and repeatedly knocked his head against the floor.
“This servant deserves death! This servant deserves death! Please calm Your Majesty’s anger!”
After serving for so long, he had actually dared to speculate about His Majesty’s thoughts right to his face.
He had even dared to make decisions on His Majesty’s behalf.
He truly had become muddle-headed.
Xiao Yinghuai tossed aside the book in his hand.
“Do as you suggested.”
Gong Defu: “?”
Xiao Yinghuai glanced at him.
Gong Defu hurriedly replied: “Yes, yes, yes. This old servant obeys Your Majesty’s command.”
He rushed toward the exit.
Just before stepping out of the imperial study, the man behind him called out again.
Gong Defu asked: “Does Your Majesty have any other instructions?”
Xiao Yinghuai’s voice remained calm and unhurried.
“Braised chicken, mid lane, group project, DDL.”
Gong Defu: “?”
“You don’t happen to know what those mean, do you?”
No but—
What the hell are those?
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