Yan Linjian spent the entire car ride mentally preparing himself. He planned to act as if he knew nothing when he saw Qi Jingzhi, then give him a proper lesson once they officially met.
“Can you stop huffing and puffing?” Yan Suici glanced at him. “Did something happen at school?”
“No! Nothing…” Something this embarrassing was the last thing Yan Linjian wanted his brother to know about.
“Oh.”
Yan Linjian fidgeted nonstop in the back seat until Yan Suici couldn’t take it anymore. “What’s wrong, is there a needle in your seat, or do you just want to get out of the car right now?”
“Ge1哥 – Brother…” Yan Linjian immediately froze, sitting upright and still, staring pitifully into the rearview mirror.
Yan Suici sighed softly and asked again, “Did something happen at school?”
Yan Linjian pulled a long face. “Ge, I got tricked in love.”
“…”
“Ge! Why aren’t you reacting at all?”
Yan Suici: “You found that first love of yours?”
“Yeah.”
“Your roommate?”
“Yeah.”
“…”
“Ge! How did you know?!” Yan Linjian nearly jumped up, leaning forward over the seat. “You knew all along? Why didn’t you tell me? Wait, how did you even find out???”
“You should go ask him yourself.”
Another cryptic answer. Yan Linjian was so angry he punched the seat: “You knew all along and didn’t tell me? That just makes me look like an idiot.”
“I was just respecting the person involved. Besides, I’m not even sure, I just vaguely know a bit. Alright, we’re here. Get out.”
Yan Linjian still wanted to ask more, but his brother had already parked in front of the dorm building and even got out to open the car door for him. “And listen, stop sending random nonsense messages to Nianjun.”
Yan Linjian: “I…”
Yan Suici: “Not even one message.”
Damn lovesick fool.
Yan Linjian only dared to curse in his head. Wearing a miserable expression, he got out of the car and trudged heavily toward the dorm entrance. The moment he stepped inside, he saw Qi Jingzhi sitting at the desk.
“You’re back.” Qi Jingzhi’s tone carried a hint of delight. He tossed aside his computer and headphones, then came over to take the bags from him. “Why didn’t you tell me ahead of time? I could’ve helped you move.”
The instant Yan Linjian met his eyes, his heart started to race. He kept his head down. “It’s not that heavy.”
“Not heavy?” Qi Jingzhi said. “Your hands are all red from carrying it.”
Yan Linjian raised his hand and glanced at his palm. A deep red mark cut across it. He hadn’t even noticed, but Qi Jingzhi clearly had.
He’d always been like that. When autumn came and Yan Linjian’s lips would crack easily, Qi Jingzhi would remind him several times a day to drink more water, and for a while even brought his water bottle for him every day.
When he stayed up late and broke out, or had an allergic rash on his neck, Qi Jingzhi was always the first to notice.
All those little things that once seemed trivial had taken on a different weight ever since Yan Linjian learned who Qi Jingzhi really was. The meticulous care that used to feel ordinary now seemed to press down on every corner of his life, bit by bit, detail by detail, until it nearly suffocated him.
“Linjian?” Qi Jingzhi waved a hand in front of his eyes. “What are you thinking about? You’ve been pretty distracted lately.”
“Nothing. I bought some snacks and food. Are Miao Xin and the others back yet?”
“The ping-pong club had a match today. They went to play.”
“Oh.” So it was just the two of them in the dorm today.
Yan Linjian couldn’t sit still. He sat at his desk for a bit, then climbed onto his bed, then came down again hugging his laptop.
Qi Jingzhi glanced at him several times before finally asking, as Yan Linjian was about to leave with his backpack: “You’re going to the library?”
“Uh… yeah.”
His heart was beating too fast. If he stayed any longer, he might actually die of a heart attack.
Qi Jingzhi parted his lips as if to say something. Yan Linjian almost never went to the library except during exam season, and they had just finished midterms, there weren’t any assignments due either. The way he was acting now seemed more than a little suspicious.
“Alright, go ahead then. There should still be seats left.” Qi Jingzhi waved him off and turned his back to him.
Feeling as if he’d been granted amnesty, Yan Linjian bolted out of the room as fast as he could. He ended up staying in the library until closing time before finally coming back.
He was hardly so diligent on non-exam weeks. Miao Xin teased: “Did your brother punish you again?”
“My brother’s too busy to bother with me.” Yan Linjian glanced over at Qi Jingzhi, who was wearing headphones and typing code, seemingly unaware of their conversation.
But the moment his gaze brushed against Qi Jingzhi’s profile, Yan Linjian’s heart started pounding out of control again.
He was doomed.
He ducked into the bathroom to wash up, then climbed into bed and pulled the curtain shut.
He really had been studying at the library, so he hadn’t chatted much with Qi Jingzhi’s alternate account. The other had sent him a few messages at first, but when he didn’t reply for a long time, the messages stopped coming.
Lying face down on his bed, Yan Linjian picked up his phone, read through the messages, and replied:
【I was studying at the library today】
Dog Moon: 【Mm, study hard】
Dog Moon: 【Got an exam coming up?】
Feigning ignorance.
He knew Qi Jingzhi wearing headphones had just been an act. He was clearly concerned about his actions.
【No, midterms are already over. I just suddenly felt like studying.】
Yan Linjian made up an excuse, and it didn’t sound entirely implausible.
After all, every college student has those moments in the quiet of the night when they’re suddenly inspired to turn their life around, only to end up sleeping till noon the next day.
Dog Moon: 【Alright, work hard.】
Dog Moon: 【Don’t play games for the next few days.】
【Okay】
It was almost lights-out time. Qi Jingzhi climbed up to his bunk, and Yan Linjian quickly shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep. When Qi Jingzhi lay down, the distance between them closed. Yan Linjian could hear the faint rustle of him changing clothes and his slow, even breathing.
“Asleep?” Qi Jingzhi knocked softly on the head of his bed.
Yan Linjian meant to ignore him and keep pretending, but Qi Jingzhi lowered his voice, as if whispering right beside his ear. “You’ve been acting a bit strange lately. Did something happen?”
“…”
After a long moment, Yan Linjian finally said quietly, “No.”
Qi Jingzhi’s voice sounded much more relaxed now: “I thought you were asleep.”
“If you thought I was asleep, why’d you still ask?”
Yan Linjian unconsciously slipped back into his usual tone, which made Qi Jingzhi let out a soft laugh: “I was worried about you.”
“… I’m fine.” Yan Linjian’s mood felt strange, something he couldn’t quite put into words. “Maybe I’m just nervous. I’m about to meet Little Moon soon.”
“There’s still a week left. You weren’t even this nervous for exams.”
“If… just if I end up not liking him, what should I do?”
“…”
What answered him was a long silence, long enough that Yan Linjian started to think Qi Jingzhi had fallen asleep.
But there was no way he could have fallen asleep. Qi Jingzhi’s voice came quietly, as if steeped in the darkest part of the night. “If you don’t like him, then just be honest. Even if you can’t be lovers, you can still be friends, right?”
“Maybe.”
“Qi Jingzhi!” Yan Linjian suddenly called his name.
“Mm, I’m here.”
Yan Linjian picked at the bed board and said: “My first love means a lot to me, not just because he was my first love. I like the way it feels to be with him.”
“Mm?”
“Forget it, you wouldn’t understand anyway. Go to sleep!”
Yan Linjian pulled the blanket over himself, shutting out all his worries as if sealing them outside a barrier.
Qi Jingzhi let out a helpless laugh and said: “Good night.”
After a night’s sleep, Yan Linjian was back to normal. He ate and went to class with Qi Jingzhi as usual, except that he deliberately avoided any physical contact. Other than that, everything seemed the same as before. He also kept chatting with God Yuè, the two of them excitedly planned what to do when they met up. Even though they were separated by just two layers of bed curtains, somehow it still felt like a long-distance relationship.
Before long, the weekend arrived. Yan Linjian tidied himself up carefully and left the dorm around one o’clock. Right after he left, Qi Jingzhi also headed out, going early to the café where they’d agreed to meet. Yet, although Qi Jingzhi had left later, he was the one who arrived first.
Their meeting time was set for two in the afternoon. Qi Jingzhi found a seat in a corner and ordered a cup of coffee.
By two-thirty, the coffee was nearly finished, but Yan Linjian still hadn’t shown up. When the waiter came to ask if he wanted a refill, Qi Jingzhi shook his head and ordered a dessert instead.
The coffee was too bitter, he needed something sweet to wash it down.
Yan Linjian hadn’t messaged him about being late either. Qi Jingzhi already understood most of what was going on. Yan Linjian’s behaviour over the past few days had been a warning sign. Ever since Yan Linjian borrowed his computer, he had started acting strange. Although he seemed fine this week, every time they accidentally brushed shoulders made him jump away like he’d been burned.
Only a fool wouldn’t notice something was off.
And Qi Jingzhi was willing to be that fool.
Qi Jingzhi had never hoped that Yan Linjian would like him back. Even if they could never be together, being lifelong friends would have been enough. But judging from how things were now, it seemed Yan Linjian wanted to cut ties altogether.
When the strawberry pudding was served, Qi Jingzhi took a bite, but it still tasted bitter.
The waiter noticed the look on his face and asked: “What’s wrong? Are the strawberries bad? We only use fresh ones here…”
“It’s nothing. You can get back to work.”
Qi Jingzhi set his phone face down on the table and stared blankly at the small silver spoon in his hand.
An hour had passed, and the person he was waiting for still hadn’t come.
The waiter and the café owner whispered quietly: “What’s with him? Did he get stood up?”
“Must’ve. People with that look on their face in our shop either got stood up or just broke up.”
“Huh? Someone that handsome could get stood up? Seriously?”
“How long do you think he’ll stay? Should I go cheer him up?”
“Don’t bother. Customers like that usually sit until closing time. Don’t go looking for trouble, he might take it out on you.”
As the two whispered among themselves, the café door was pushed open. The wind chime above gave a clear, pleasant ring that echoed through the mostly empty space. A young man in a trench coat stepped inside, his handsome face still carrying the trace of someone who had hurried all the way there.
His gaze swept across the café until it landed on Qi Jingzhi, who was sitting in the corner with his back to the door. He walked over in long strides.
A shadow fell across the table. Qi Jingzhi looked up, and Yan Linjian averted his gaze awkwardly: “Sorry, I’m late.”
“N-no, not at all.”
Caught off guard by the sudden miracle before him, Qi Jingzhi was momentarily at a loss for words.
He was finally cared for once more, cared for by Yan Linjian.
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