TSMITB Chapter60

Shen Que did not know when he fell asleep.

When he woke up again from a dream, it was the darkest moment before dawn. It was just as dark inside as it was outside the curtains. Cold sweat soaked his pajamas, sticking clammily to Shen Que’s back.

The dreamscape was bizarre and fantastical, yet terrifyingly real.

Shen Que dreamed he was walking barefoot in an icy stream, the water covering his ankles, carrying a profound chill.

Sheng Qixiao was standing on the bank. Moonlight filtered through the dense tree canopy, casting dappled shadows on him. He didn’t speak, just watched him quietly. His eyes were clear and translucent, not exactly gentle, and even carried a subtle reproach as if annoyed by his disobedience, yet they held a strange allure that made Shen Que involuntarily surrender and walk towards him.

In the dream, he splashed through the water and tightly embraced Sheng Qixiao, looking exactly like a loving couple.

This was immediately followed by some more intimate scenes such as hot chests pressed tightly together without any barrier, and their fingers intertwined tacitly amidst close murmurs.

The things that had never happened between him and Sheng Qixiao, those moments of warmth he had never once possessed, kept replaying in his dreams again and again, carrying an undeniable sense of familiarity that felt almost frighteningly real.

He knew that might not just be a dream. He was increasingly unable to deny the absurd guess.

The person Sheng Qixiao mentioned, the one who had once entered E’yun Mountain, taught him the phrase “love at first sight,” and was then personally sent away by him, might actually be himself.

Otherwise, how could Sheng Qixiao have gone through such a huge detour just to get him into the mountain?

The gap in his memories made him feel like he was standing at the edge of a cliff, where one step forward meant plunging into an abyss, while one step back meant sinking into a soul-stirring fog.

This sense of loss of control tormented Shen Que constantly, forcing him to seek outside help.

A faint scent of gardenias permeated the consulting room. The fresh aroma made people relax subconsciously.

“To put it simple, that part of your memory is like being covered by an opaque black cloth.” The psychologist pushed his gold-rimmed glasses up his nose and spoke in a refined manner, “You were completely unaware before because that cloth was covered tightly. Now that there’s a tear in the black cloth, and light has passed through. You vaguely sense something, but you can’t yet see the complete picture.”

The psychologist was a mutual friend of Shen Que and Shen Yi, named Yu Han, and he knew Shen Que had previously lost a segment of his memory.

“Do you have any solution?”

Yu Han closed the notebook in his hand and said in a gentle tone, “To be honest, I don’t have a solution. Your amnesia is not due to conventional reasons, and I cannot intervene. But judging by the current trend, it is slowly repairing itself. This is a good thing; you just need to wait patiently.”

“Can this process be sped up?” Shen Que’s fingertips unconsciously tapped the desktop.

“Why do you want to speed it up?” Yu Han asked. “Or, do you absolutely have to remember it?”

Shen Que was stumped by his question.

That’s right, why?

“Are those past events really that important to the current you? Frankly speaking, not everyone’s past is entirely a treasure. If certain memories are sealed away, that must be your brain’s final act of protection for you. What does it matter if your life is missing a not-so-important piece?”

“Forcibly ripping open that cloth might render what’s inside unrecognizable, or even harm you. My advice is not to try to force the recovery. Letting nature take its course is better. Living well in the present and the future is the most practical.”

Shen Que twitched his mouth, genuinely complimenting, “What you said sounds really professional.”

Shen Que certainly knew he was right. Dwelling on those meaningless past events was essentially a waste of time.

He and Sheng Qixiao might never see each other again, so why bother thinking about those unnecessary things?

Seeing Shen Que’s expression soften a bit, Yu Han checked his watch. It was already three in the afternoon; he was getting off work.

While organizing the files on his desk, he changed the subject, his tone carrying a bit more friendly concern, “I heard that while you were away and your elder brother was ill, your grandfather brought one of your father’s illegitimate sons into the company, and he’s still swaggering around there.”

The Shen family kept the matter of Shen Yi’s Gu poison tightly under wraps, only saying publicly that he needed rest. The outside world had all sorts of rumors with the most mainstream one being that he had suddenly contracted some terminal illness and was near death.

“Your elder brother has only just recovered from a serious illness, and his health still hasn’t completely returned to normal. Having to shoulder the entire company by himself must be exhausting. That man and his mother are far from easy to deal with. In front of your grandfather, they put on an obedient and clever act, but behind his back, they’re secretly forming factions and making major moves.”

Shen Que took a sip of water and answered nonchalantly, “I know.”

“You know what your dad is like. As long as it makes him happy, he doesn’t care who the family business falls to. But no matter how much of a scoundrel he is, he’s still your grandfather’s son. Your grandfather is old. When people get old, their hearts soften, and their minds inevitably get confused. How can he withstand your dad’s manipulation? You need to pay attention to this matter, or you might end up doing all the work for an outsider.”

“En.” Shen Que nodded, forcing a single sound from his throat. Without saying much more, he put the cup back on the table, stood up, and started walking out, “Thanks.”

The mid-afternoon sun was still a little blinding. Shen Que stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling window while looking at the busy traffic outside, but his heart was filled with a persistent gloom.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know the situation at home; he just didn’t want to face it. The old man’s actions constantly reminded him that he was a bargaining chip that could be abandoned and traded.

He also knew that he couldn’t blame Shen Yi for this, and he shouldn’t direct his anger at him either. He understood the logic, but emotions were not something he could control just by wanting to.

The feeling of being abandoned by his closest family left him deeply resentful of that so-called home.

Just like he had sworn to Sheng Qixiao that it wouldn’t take a week for him to completely forget him.

But even now, the days and nights in E’yun Mountain, every little moment he spent with Sheng Qixiao, and even the cold, floral and herbal scent on him, were still very clearly imprinted in his mind.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to forget, but that he couldn’t.

He couldn’t forget, nor would he ever go back, so he could only be stuck in the middle like this in a dilemma.

Shen Que suddenly missed his old self, who used to spend money lavishly and live a life of decadence.

At least back then, if he wanted to die, he could throw himself into some dangerous adventure; if he wanted to live, he could simply use his money to buy obedience and pleasure.

Unlike now, where he was lamenting and blaming others.

Shen Que took out his phone and emotionlessly dialed a number.

In E’yun Mountain.

Sheng Qixiao raised his hand and dispersed the luminous screen formed by fluorescent light in front of him. The final second before the image dissipated froze on the sight of Shen Que’s back as he walked into a club.

The revolving door cut off the prying gaze. Even without hearing the sound, Sheng Qixiao could roughly imagine what kind of decadent and wild place it was.

That was the club Shen Que used to love going to the most.

Ke Di, who had appeared at some unknown moment, “tsk-ed” twice, “Miscalculation, huh? I told you not to let the tiger return to the mountain. Just look at how little time has passed, and he’s already completely forgotten about you and gone back to living his happy life.”

Ke Di leaned casually against the doorframe, his arms folded across his chest, his voice carrying unmistakable schadenfreude.

Sheng Qixiao gave him an expressionless glance, stood up, and started to walk out.

The sky was completely dark. Tonight’s moonlight was also somewhat dim, only showing a faint outline behind the clouds.

“Where are you going?” Ke Di chased after him.

“Outside.”

“He wasn’t wrong about one thing; you really are crazy.” Ke Di blocked the doorway. “Have you forgotten what time it is now? You sent him out precisely to buy time…”

“I’ll be back before dawn.” Sheng Qixiao interrupted his unfinished sentence. The dim light cast heavy shadows on his sharply defined profile. “You’ve been acting too rashly lately. Those old folks aren’t blind or deaf yet, so you need to rein yourself in. I know you want to reunite with her, but just endure it a little longer. Once this is all over, the two of you will be free.”

Ke Di’s expression became solemn, “Actually, I want to ask, do you absolutely have to go out?”

Sheng Qixiao was silent for a moment. He knew that the “going out” Ke Di was referring to was not simply leaving the Inner Village, but breaking the restriction to go to the outside world.

“I can’t keep him trapped here forever.” This sentence sounded like an answer to Ke Di, and yet also like he was persuading himself.

“You could.” Ke Di’s voice was deep, and the expression on his face was somewhat mismatched with his current ordinary face. “Wasn’t that your original plan?”

Sheng Qixiao’s gaze was cast toward the pitch-black sky. The outline of the distant mountains merged with this deep blackness.

“I regret it. Maybe I simply didn’t love him enough back then, so I never stopped to think about whether he was willing or not.”

Ke Di was somewhat speechless. Many times, he wanted to pry open Sheng Qixiao’s mind to see what was actually inside.

Didn’t love him enough? If you hadn’t loved him enough, perhaps the entire village would have been dragged down with you as collateral, everyone is already on the way to hell together…

Ke Di muttered under his breath.

But he kept those words to himself and approached the matter from another angle instead, “There’s no guarantee that the plan will succeed. If it fails, you’ll die, and in the end, you’ll gain nothing.”

“I will succeed,” his tone carried a rare, naive yearning. “He said he would take me to see the grasslands and the sea. I haven’t been there yet.”

That was the night before they parted.

The bonfire party in the Outer Village was loud and lively. The joyful laughter of tourists almost shot straight into the sky.

Shen Que, however, said that no matter how lively the Outer Village’s bonfire party was, it still lacked the solemn grandeur of the Moon Glazing Festival.

“So, Sheng Qixiao, even lively occasions can be very different from one another.”

At that time, Shen Que’s face was pressed against Sheng Qixiao’s chest. Separated by a layer of fabric, he listened to his steady and powerful heartbeat.

Shen Que said he loved lively occasions, all kinds of bustling scenes, no matter how different they were. He also loved the wind, because nothing in this world was freer than the wind.

He said that if Sheng Qixiao was willing, the two of them could also be as free as the wind, to see mountains and the sea, to see the vast, boundless grasslands and the perennially snow-covered glaciers.

Shen Que lifted his head, the flickering firelight reflecting in his eyes as he said, “Sheng Qixiao, this world is very big and beautiful. Neither you nor I should be trapped in this mountain.”

People have a premonition of separation.

Even though Shen Que might not have clearly known then that they would face separation after that night.

But he did exhibit an unprecedented dependence on Sheng Qixiao and an urgency to persuade him to go to the outside world.

Perhaps there was a sense of reluctance in his heart.

This reluctance was the final catalyst for Sheng Qixiao’s decision to let him briefly leave.

Sheng Qixiao never truly believed Shen Que would be willing to stay forever.

He guided Old Qiu and the others to find the Mother Gu during the Moon Glazing Festival, easily agreed to let Shen Que release them, then gave them a chance to escape. Even Shen Que going to the Outer Village was his own way of proactively giving him an opportunity to leave.

He had originally intended to let him be engulfed by the most complete failure just when he was closest to success, making him understand that staying by his side was the best and only choice.

But Shen Que actually fell for him again.

A new possibility emerged between them.

He finally decided to truly let him leave.

That might not be a bad thing either. He wanted him to return to that family that seemed outwardly glamorous but was actually rotten to the core.

To let him know that, besides Sheng Qixiao, no one truly loved Shen Que anymore.

It would be far more effective for Shen Que to realize this himself than for him to tell him directly.

Shen Que was destined to belong to him alone sooner or later.

How could he truly let him go? He was never a good person; Shen Que was absolutely right about that.

Sheng Qixiao didn’t linger anymore and stepped into the night.

After leaving Yu Han’s studio, Shen Que groomed himself from head to toe again, then drove to the club he used to frequent.

He didn’t call his former group of dubious friends. He stayed downstairs for a while, feeling the deafening music. The mixed smell of various cigarettes, alcohol, and perfume was truly unpleasant. Shen Que frowned and went straight up to the top floor.

A boy with delicate features knocked on the room door. After greeting Shen Que, he went into the bathroom.

He had just finished washing and carried a pleasant fragrance. Kneeling obediently beside Shen Que’s legs, he lifted a flattering face toward him and carefully poured him some wine.

This was the type Shen Que used to like the most.

But now, as Shen Que looked at the young and pretty face before him, his heart was utterly stagnant.

The boy’s warm body leaned closely against him, while soft lips brushed a kiss against his Adam’s apple before slowly moving lower.

He kissed passionately, but Shen Que’s body was like a dying tree. No matter what tricks the boy used, not a single ripple was stirred.

For a moment, the room was so quiet one could hear a pin drop.

Shen Que pulled his bathrobe shut. Shame and anger instantly enveloped him completely.

He shoved the boy away, pulled out a wad of cash, threw it onto the bed, and then transferred one hundred thousand yuan via his phone.

“You leave first. You know what to say about today’s events.”

The boy glanced warily at his expression and cautiously stated, “Young Master Shen wasn’t in a good mood today, and I failed to catch his eye.”

After speaking, he grabbed the money and phone and left like a gust of wind.

The door was quietly shut.

Shen Que violently knocked over the table lamp. The expensive lamp struck the thick carpet with a dull thud. The lampshade shattered, and the light instantly dimmed.

“Sheng Qixiao!” Shen Que gritted his teeth as he shouted the culprit’s name.

Just moments ago, his mind was overwhelmingly filled with images of Sheng Qixiao. Subconsciously, he was even lamenting, If only it were Sheng Qixiao…

No sooner had the words left his mouth than a fluorescent butterfly appeared out of nowhere as if it had heard his call, fluttering and landing on his knee.

Shen Que paused, his face turning alternating shades of green and white.

“You’re f*cking spying on me again!” The thought that his rare moment of embarrassment had been witnessed by Sheng Qixiao fueled his rage. Like a completely enraged trapped beast, he snatched the butterfly from his knee, his five fingers suddenly tightening. The fluorescent light extinguished between his fingertips.

“If you have the guts, talk!” He roared at the air.

The next moment, the hotel’s landline rang. The shrill ringing sound was particularly jarring in the silent room.

Shen Que turned back, staring intently at the phone, his chest still heaving violently.

A few seconds later, he reached out and picked up the receiver.

There was no sound from the other end of the phone, only suppressed, heavy breathing clearly transmitted into his ear via the current.

Even so, he instantly recognized the caller.

That breathing sound was too familiar to him.

After a long while, the person finally called his name hoarsely.

“Shen Que.”

Almost the instant he heard his voice, Shen Que’s body reacted. The place that had been completely unresponsive to all the earlier attempts at arousal immediately sprang to life.

Shen Que was first relieved that he wasn’t dysfunctional, and then became dizzy, overwhelmed by towering rage, “Sheng Qixiao, goddamn it, did you put some kind of drug on me again?!”

A very light laugh came from the other end of the phone. Sheng Qixiao’s voice seemed to be tinged with lust; every word was as if spoken right next to his ear, “Do you want me to touch you?”

“……”

Shen Que closed his eyes and leaned against the headboard.

He couldn’t resist, nor did he want to resist.

Accompanied by Sheng Qixiao’s heavy breathing, he reached beneath his bathrobe.

At both ends of the phone line, there was nothing but the sound of their increasingly rapid, intertwined breathing.

Shen Que knew Sheng Qixiao was doing the same thing as him.

This was a silent struggle, and also an unspoken, mutual surrender.

The moment he released, Shen Que’s whole body tensed, and he let out an unbearable, suppressed groan. On the other end of the line, Sheng Qixiao’s breathing suddenly hitched as well.

Once everything had settled back into silence, all that remained was embarrassment and an even deeper sense of emptiness.

Sheng Qixiao’s voice sounded again, “Shen Que, you lied to me again. Didn’t you say you would forget me quickly? So much time has passed, and you are still thinking about me. What’s more, others can’t even make you feel pleasure anymore. You can’t leave me, Shen Que.”

“Shut up!” Shen Que viciously interrupted him, desperately trying to conceal his defeat.

He panted for a long while before barely managing to calm down. He asked a question first, hoping to reclaim a little pitiful initiative, “You can use a cell phone now?”

Sheng Qixiao gave an “en,” sounding in good spirits, “I had someone teach me.”

“Can you even read?”

“No,” Sheng Qixiao answered openly. “But I learn fast. I’m already learning other functions.”

The author has something to say:

Shen Que: Scared to death, almost thought something was wrong with me…