FL Chapter 1

Ji Shi was a good person except for his selfishness but because he was beautiful with a cheerful face, he always managed to fool me into forgetting this flaw of his.

I had a Weibo account that I sometimes used to talk shit about him. For example, after one of LOTUS’ concerts, I would post something like this —

Mulili: Can’t hit the high notes and can’t sing the low notes either. And when he strays off tune, he plays cute for the fans. What kind of lead singer is this?!

I don’t know how he found my alt account, but the day after posting this line, I received a message from him, asking me to meet him at a hotel. I had just gotten off dance practice and was as tired as a dog. Yet, as a rookie artist who hadn’t yet debuted and was being supported by a big-time celebrity, I still went to book a room as instructed. I washed clean before sending him the room number. After Ji Shi received my message, he replied, “Baby, be good, wash up and wait for me on the bed~”

So I laid down in bed, forcing myself to keep my eyes open, but my eyelids were drooping against my will. The second time I forced my eyes open, it was already bright outside, and I was still lying in bed alone in a very awkward position.

I sat up feeling a little blue. I must’ve offended Ji Shi in some way.

How would a rookie like me have the money to book a room at a five-star hotel? At the same time, I didn’t have the face to call Ji Shi and ask him why he had stood me up last night. I sat on the bed trying hard to recall all that I had said and done. Except for my Weibo post, I had kept all my other complaints to myself, so he couldn’t possibly know. Then there was only one possibility. Although I don’t know how he found my alt account, he must have been keeping an eye on it for a while now.

My kidney felt in pain as I checked out of the hotel.

My suspicions were confirmed while I was sitting in a taxi. Ji Shi sent me a message saying, “Don’t be mad, baby. I transferred the money to you. Tell me the next time you want to go to a concert, okay? I can give you a free ticket for the rock section. I’ll even cum on you~~”

He even added a kissing emoji at the end of such an obscene message. I rested my head against the front seat. How could I be angry? I am the one on pins and needles, okay?

As the taxi passed by Ziyou Tiandi Shopping Mall¹Ziyou Tiandi Shopping Mall is a mall named “自由天地廣場”. I can’t find the specific mall and I’m not sure if it exists in real life. If you know, do let me know. , I looked up and saw a huge light box advertisement for a local fashion brand endorsed by the rock band LOTUS. The five members were all lined up with Ji Shi standing in the center, like an immortal looking down on all living things in the mortal world. He had a beautiful yet indifferent face, but it was certainly photoshopped. Why would I insist that it had been photoshopped? Although Ji Shi had an ethereal appearance, he had two inconspicuous craterlets on his face, probably leftover battle scars from the days when he had acne. Even though it didn’t affect his overall beauty, it was quite unsightly for it to be displayed a hundred times magnified. It probably gave the advertising staff emotional damage and put them through a psychological trial.

The Ji Shi in the advertisement wore dark blue jeans with black letter prints and an oversized v-neck sleeveless top. There was a tattoo of a flower right below his collar and a tattoo of the word “September” on his arm. But what did“September” mean? Thinking objectively, his birthday wasn’t in September. I even shamelessly considered mine, but my birthday wasn’t in September either. I tilted my head to admire the tattoo on his arm and discovered that the letters “S”, “T” and “B” were located on the bulge of his arm muscle. I didn’t believe it to be a coincidence. Ji Shi must have carefully designed that tattoo just to highlight the curves of his muscles, as pathetic as ripples of water.

Okay well, maybe it wasn’t that pathetic. If his muscles were the ripples of water, then mine were the splashes of water when a coin was dropped in.

Right when the taxi was about to leave the shopping plaza, I took one last look and noticed his underwear peeking out from the waistband of his jeans. Unforgivable, he is getting more and more slutty!

Ji Shi was 26 years old this year, four years older than me. He was still considered young, and his career was at its peak. This is just how methodical the world that relied on appearances was.

LOTUS’ new song was playing on the radio. The lyrics written by Ji Shi were so sappy that I felt embarrassed listening to them. I covered my face and asked the driver: “Ge, can you change the station?”

“Nope~~” the young driver replied energetically.

***

I rushed into the company and thankfully I wasn’t late. The company intended to form a group with me and four other rookie artists called JUST. We were currently in the final planning stage before our debut. To help us maintain our condition as idols for the big day; every day, people were jumping out from the office, the bathroom, and almost every corner, shouting, “There are still XXX days left before the debut!! FIGHTING!!” Trained like Pavlov’s dogs, we raised our fists and responded enthusiastically, “FIGHTING!!” Sometimes it made me wonder if I had joined an MLM organization²Businesses that involve selling products to family and friends and recruiting other people to do the same are called multi-level marketing (MLM), network marketing, or direct marketing businesses. Some MLMs are illegal pyramid schemes. . However, the method was truly effective. Some of my group mates got rid of their bad habits, such as picking their noses in public. Some of them even joked that if this continued, they would soon be able to control their farts.

Amongst the other four members, I was more familiar with the leader, KK. KK was a year older than me. Both of us started our training earlier, while the remaining three came together at the same period afterward. Out of the three, the most attractive one was Bi An, and the best dancer was Alex. Our stage names were a mix of Chinese and English. I was lucky to have retained my Chinese name, but some weren’t as lucky. For example, the one responsible for acting cute in our group was called Shang Gary…³Shang is in the Chinese character “尚“ which means still/yet, plus the English name “Gary”. The pronunciation “shang” also sounds like ”上“ which means “on top”. And when you put “Shang” and “Gary” together in Chinese, it would mean ‘to top Gary’.

There were 99 days left until our debut. All of us in the company were on edge as if there were 99 seconds left before meeting our in-laws. But once I was back in my apartment and laid exhausted in bed, it felt like 99 days was still a long way off. If I continued wearing out myself like this, I didn’t know if I could last until the debut day.

I wasn’t sure if I was the only one feeling tired. From KK to Shang Gary, they all joined the company to realize their dreams, but to me, it was more of an accident. Ever since I was young, all I wanted to do was to draw. There was even a time when I was obsessed with attending the Academy of Fine Arts. However, one day, I discovered that my younger sister was better at drawing than I was and was more talented. My family wasn’t well-off and could only support one of us attending the Academy of Fine Arts. Either that or the both of us could give up studying arts, attend a normal or technical school, or quit schooling altogether. I thought it over and decided to allow my sister to continue her studies while I would be responsible for supporting her financially. If she managed to go far down the path of the arts, then I would also share in her success. If the day came when she realized this dream in place of me, it would be enough to make me proud for the rest of my life because I would always be her first mentor.

It wasn’t easy to give up on my dreams. The reason why I was able to accept it is that I realized that even if I didn’t get to attend the Academy of Fine Arts, I could continue to draw. There was no need to be disheartened. When I was discovered by a scouting agent, on the day I went to the agency for an interview and to sign the contract, I brought along a few of my works as requested. My appearance, singing, and dancing skills may not have impressed the interviewers, but my paintings did.

I successfully passed the interview and signed the contract. At that time, the agent told me it was because of my aura that I passed. What aura? It was all the aura of my paintings.

However, when it came to being a star, aside from my above-average appearance, I perhaps got signed by mistake. After the hellish dance practices and training, I only scored 70 points in dancing. The perfect score was 150 points. As for singing, my voice wasn’t as good as KK’s voice, and neither did I have his musicality. Speaking of singing, I was grateful to Ji Shi, the lead singer of LOTUS. If Ji Shi could become the lead singer of a glorious group with that cracked voice of his, why should I be afraid of not being able to make a living in an idol group? Senior Ji Shi, thank you for letting me regain my confidence, please accept my three kowtows!

After a day of training in the company, the five of us made an appointment to have dinner together in the evening to celebrate the three-digit to double-digit change for the countdown of our debut. KK suggested having a hotpot, which was a good idea because having a hotpot together was more lively. Shang Gary and Adam agreed as well, but Bi An said he didn’t like hotpot because he couldn’t eat spicy food. I said it was alright, and that we could also order a non-spicy soup. Bi An looked at me, smiled, said never mind, and told us to go eat by ourselves.

“That’s no good. All five of us should go together. How about you suggest where to eat?” I said.

Bi An named a restaurant, and we were dumbfounded when we heard it. It was a top-notch Japanese restaurant with exorbitant prices that we couldn’t even imagine. We were just starting and uncertain of what might happen amid our debut. An earthquake, a tsunami, the company’s bankruptcy, or the country’s crackdown could blow it all up to pieces… Alright, I feel unreasonable to say all this. Just one word was enough — poor. But from what I remember, Bi An’s family wasn’t particularly well-off. He was willing to spend so much, huh?

“It just so happens that I also kind of want to eat Japanese food.” Adam suddenly changed his mind, looking eager to try.

I was about to ask if it would be too expensive when KK patted me and said, “Alright, let’s go then.”

So we went to the Japanese restaurant whose name I couldn’t pronounce.

The meal was completely unenjoyable. Everyone sat in a row at the bar, watching the chef prepare the dishes for us on the spot. Every dish was served with a waiter on the side explaining it. It was impossible to chat with one another. The dishes were indeed pleasing to the eye but the presentation couldn’t hide the fact that the portions were too small. There was a feeling of confusion in the pit of my stomach. The food I had eaten was like a drop in the ocean. My crude taste buds couldn’t differentiate between sea urchin, tuna sushi, and all the other dishes. I still preferred eating at bustling places such as food stalls, hotpot restaurants, and the like. But never mind, we had achieved our objective.

I went to the bathroom in the middle of our meal and found the bathroom to be unexpectedly stylish. The mirror framed with lattice and the warm yellow light made my reflection look exceptionally handsome. I couldn’t help but take a selfie with my phone and post it on my alt account on Weibo.

Mulili: Handsome? 

Then I self-replied on Weibo and typed:

Very handsome!

The bathroom was very quiet. While I was taking a leak, I suddenly remembered how Ji Shi would occasionally slap me from behind while I was peeing, and then he’d look over my shoulder and ask, “Did you pee on your pants?”

One time, I peed on my pants. I was so angry. When I saw him standing on the side laughing like crazy, I wanted to pee on him. But because he was my patron, I couldn’t do anything to him. I could only silently lower my head and wipe my pants, planning to change to another pair when I went back. But Ji Shi complained that it was a waste of his precious time to head back just to change my pants, so he bought a new pair of pants for me to wear instead.

Although his pranks annoyed me, I was still glad he bought me a new pair of pants. The label on the pants had been cut off, and the pants fit perfectly well. Moreover, the material of the pants made them very comfortable to wear. I secretly wondered what big brand he bought it from. Every man had a bit of vanity in him. A celebrity like Ji Shi would probably buy his pants from LEE or a brand of the same tier.

Later on, this pair of pants became my favorite. I wore it to the company every few days. Then at some point, someone told me, “Hey Xiao Tong, I think I have seen the logo of your pants from overseas before! I kept asking myself what brand it was. That night, while I was washing my trousers and hanging them on the balcony, I suddenly remembered that it was an Australian children’s clothing brand! Here, check out their website!”

… I could see that he was nearly in tears from laughter.

The next day, I found the same pair of pants in a children’s clothing store in Ziyou Tiandi Shopping Mall. This children’s store sold clothes for kids ages three to fourteen. A fourteen-year-old could be as tall as me if he had an aggressive growth spurt.

Ugh, this is so annoying.

• 1
  Ziyou Tiandi Shopping Mall is a mall named “自由天地廣場”. I can’t find the specific mall and I’m not sure if it exists in real life. If you know, do let me know.
• 2
  Businesses that involve selling products to family and friends and recruiting other people to do the same are called multi-level marketing (MLM), network marketing, or direct marketing businesses. Some MLMs are illegal pyramid schemes.
• 3
  Shang is in the Chinese character “尚“ which means still/yet, plus the English name “Gary”. The pronunciation “shang” also sounds like ”上“ which means “on top”. And when you put “Shang” and “Gary” together in Chinese, it would mean ‘to top Gary’.