Within these mountains,
Where clouds run deep, no one knows the way.
The mountain mist and the winding, looping paths blocked their view. In fact, the two of them were already standing near the village entrance without realizing it.
But the main reason was that a neighboring village was hosting a banquet today, and people of all ages from this village had gone to attend the wedding feast. Otherwise, even if people in the mountains turned in early, it wouldn’t be this deserted at this hour.
Following behind Gu Kaige, with an excited Bush trotting around them, they turned a few more corners, passed a mountain spring well enclosed by large stones, and finally arrived at Brother Kai’s home—a two-story rural house.
It was clear the place had some age to it. The outer and lower walls of the first floor were built from stone mixed with sanhe soil1A traditional building material composed of a mixture of lime, clay, and sand, rather than ordinary red bricks. Whitewashed walls with dark stone accents; the second floor was constructed of wood. In the dim light, it was hard to tell whether there were carved details, but it was clearly an old structure.
“In our village, most of the houses date back to the Qing dynasty or the Republican era. There are some newer ones, but not many. Young people prefer to move to the town, or just go buy a place in Ningbo.”
Gu Kaige opened the white metal gate to the courtyard. Squinting, Ning Xiaobei saw a strip of red paper pasted above the doorway, with the words [Good Fortune Shines Brightly] written on it.
Once inside, the bright light from the main hall illuminated the entrance area, and they could finally see each other clearly.
Brother Kai was noticeably tanner; though not quite to Fan Xia’s level, he was at least a couple of shades darker than when he had been in Shanghai.
Still, he looked energetic, without the dejection Ning Xiaobei had imagined in an unemployed man. After taking off his thick military-style cotton coat, he even smugly showed Fan Xia the biceps he had built from farm work over this period. He claimed working in the fields was more effective than lifting weights; this was the real deal. Swinging barbells and eating protein meals at the gym were all just empty tricks.
Fan Xia, full of envy, couldn’t resist reaching out to squeeze them a couple of times.
The one who had changed the most, however, was Bush. Back on the mountain path, under the moonlight, they hadn’t noticed; but now under the light… good grief, what was this creature in front of them?
Around the Affiliated High School, Bush had once been a famous handsome dog. Though a mixed breed, he was a high-quality mix; inheriting the excellent genes of his Golden Retriever mother, giving him a coat as radiant as the morning sun, paired with the intelligent eyes of his father, a Chinese rural dog. Walking through town, everyone wanted to stop and pet him.
Brother Kai had taken great care of his coat, too. He himself used a 20 yuan bottle of Head & Shoulders 3-in-1 shampoo and wouldn’t even bother with conditioner, but every month, he’d take Bush to the pet shop in town for a bath and grooming. Each visit cost at least 50 yuan, keeping Bush’s fur sleek and glossy.
And now, looking at this yellow-black, scruffy little creature in front of them… forget shine, the fur was so matted it was practically clumping together. There was even a wound on his right hind leg, probably from a fight with another dog, roughly wrapped with a strip of white cloth that looked like it was about to turn black from dirt. His neck and back were speckled with bits of debris; who knew whether they were seeds or shredded leaves.
In short, there wasn’t a trace left of the Magic City handsome dog. He had completely blended into the countryside, becoming just another village dog.
“Dogs in the countryside are raised like this. It’s not like I don’t want to groom him, but where am I supposed to find a pet salon out here? Besides, don’t you think, even though he’s dirtier, he’s a lot more spirited now? Happier, too?”
Fan Xia lowered his head, held Bush’s face, and took a closer look. Sure enough, the perpetually melancholic look in Bush’s eyes was gone. His tongue lolled out, his mouth open in a grin; the face of a brooding poet had turned into a cheerful smile.
Alright then, so he didn’t naturally have that Dazai Osamu vibe after all. He just needed more exercise.
The three of them squeezed into the kitchen area, watching Brother Kai cook a pot of lanhu mian.
A base of thoroughly stir-fried napa cabbage, topped with a few strips of pork thickened in sauce; this steaming bowl of soft, stew-like noodles was the greatest comfort in winter. Feeling sorry for his students, Brother Kai even added a fried egg for each of them, golden-orange, with crisped edges that crackled pleasantly when bitten into.
“Smells so good…”
After just two bites, Ning Xiaobei immediately noticed something different. “What kind of oil did you use? It’s so fragrant.”
They had tasted Brother Kai’s cooking back when they were at the Affiliated High School; it had been… edible at best, nowhere near the level of Ning Jianguo’s skills.
And yet now, this simple, ordinary bowl of braised pork noodle soup had an unexpectedly fresh aroma. The meat was just regular pork, and even if the napa cabbage was homegrown organic produce, it couldn’t possibly make that much difference. The only standout had to be the oil used for stir-frying and frying the eggs.
“Sharp as ever, Ning Xiaobei. It’s tea seed oil pressed by our own family; really fragrant.”
Gu Kaige had already eaten dinner, so he had only cooked two bowls. Pointing to an unremarkable green glass bottle sitting by the earthen stove, he said, “When you head back to Shanghai after your trip, take a couple of bottles with you. Ning Xiaobei, I heard your dad’s a Level Two chef. With our oil, he’ll be cooking at Level One.”
“Then I won’t stand on ceremony.”
Ning Xiaobei and Fan Xia exchanged a glance—looks like Teacher Gu was fine after all, still the same warm and generous person.
“Brother Kai, how come everyone’s gone to the wedding feast, and you’re the only one staying behind?”
On their way into the village earlier, they hadn’t seen many houses with lights on. Even the few that were lit seemed to belong to elderly residents who probably couldn’t make the trip.
“Oh, that’s because the groom today is my first love.”
After finishing his meal, Fan Xia offered to wash the dishes, but Gu Kaige refused, saying they didn’t have a custom of letting guests do chores. With his back to them, he stood at the sink washing up.
The light fell across his wine-red sweater. His hand paused for a moment mid-wipe before he turned back, giving a faint, wry smile. “I was afraid that if I went… I wouldn’t be able to control myself.”
Fan Xia and Ning Xiaobei were so stunned they couldn’t speak. The tangerines they had been peeling froze halfway in their hands. Meanwhile, Bush circled anxiously at their feet, mouth wide open, drool pouring down like a waterfall.
“You two managed to find your way here… hmm, you must’ve gotten the address from Old Wen, right?”
As the night deepened and the mountain air grew heavy with dew, the three of them moved to the small back room behind the main hall to drink.
People in the mountains had their own rustic charms. Ning Xiaobei had only ever read in books about ‘green ant new-brewed wine, a small red clay stove’—this was his first time actually warming wine over a clay stove in real life.
At this time, strong northern baijiu2Baijiu (白酒): Strong Chinese distilled liquor, typically 40–60% ABV, with bold, pungent flavors hadn’t yet spread south. In Jiangsu and Zhejiang, including Shanghai, most people drank huangjiu3Huangjiu (黄酒): Traditional Chinese fermented rice wine, lower alcohol (10–20%), usually served warm. Jinhua wine4Jinhua wine (金华酒):A type of huangjiu from Jinhua, Zhejiang; fragrant, slightly sweet, often used in cooking or warming for drinking, Shaoxing Nü’erhong5Shaoxing Nü’erhong (绍兴女儿红): Celebratory Shaoxing rice wine, amber-colored, mildly sweet, traditionally served at weddings, Guyue Longshan6Guyue Longshan (古越龙山): Premium Shaoxing-style rice wine, aged and aromatic, with a rich, mellow taste—they all had to be warmed before drinking. Just like it says in《Dream of the Red Chamber》: warm wine disperses quickly in the body, while cold wine must first be heated by one’s internal organs, making it more harmful the more you drink.
A small stove held a pot of hot water, with three tin warming vessels placed inside; each person drinking from their own, without disturbing the others. Ning Xiaobei picked up a few preserved plums from a nearby dish and dropped two into his own pot.
Green plums simmered with wine—a tradition with a long history. Tonight’s drinking carried a distinctly old-world elegance.
On the table, besides the plums, there was a plate of green soybeans with shredded bamboo shoots, a dish of fennel beans, and a pile of boiled peanuts still in their shells. Not a trace of meat, which is simple, yet refined.
“When you two were still in school, I never noticed anything like this.”
Leaning lazily to one side, Gu Kaige cracked peanuts as he teased them, “If I’d known earlier, I wouldn’t have put you in the same dorm. Three whole years of spoiling you both.”
The kind of people who went to Vendy; well, it went without saying.
Originally, Brother Kai had thought that if anyone really followed the address to find him, it would either be someone from Peng Yue’s art circle, or at least one of his old friends. Who would’ve thought it would be his two students, and one of them was even famously a model student.
“So when did you two get together? Don’t tell me you were messing around with puppy love under my nose?”
Even though none of them were students at the Affiliated High School anymore, Brother Kai still spoke with a teacher’s concern.
“Forget about us, tell us about your first love.”
Fan Xia was practically bouncing with excitement, shoveling beans into his mouth, his big eyes practically screaming “gossip!”
“Oh, first love, huh? And it just so happens… same school, same class, even the same dorm!”
Kai Ge was clearly teasing, slapping his thigh and pointing at the two of them.
“Later, I got into a university in Hangzhou, he didn’t. After I graduated, I went to Shanghai to teach, he stayed home farming. You know how it is in the countryside: once a boy’s old enough, the family starts building a house, then it’s matchmaking and marriage. He dragged it out until now; he’s in his thirties already. In a rural village, that counts as late marriage.”
Kai Ge spoke casually, but Ning Xiaobei could hear the bitterness hidden in his words.
“So he still married a girl… that’s basically tricking her, right?”
Fan Xia said angrily.
Being gay isn’t shameful, but tricking a perfectly good girl is completely wrong!
He’d already made up his mind: for this life, he and Xiaobei would just stick to each other like Uncle and Uncle Ning, never hurting another girl. When they grew old, maybe they’d adopt a child. If not, they’d go to a retirement home, donate everything to the state, and let the state take care of them.
“Exactly. That’s why I was afraid; if I went, I’d probably flip their whole wine table over.”
Brother Kai said this, clenching his teeth as he downed a bitter cup of wine.
“The girl’s already pregnant. What could I say? That guy’s an animal!”
After finishing the cup, he lowered his head and muttered sulkily:
“I guess… I’m an animal too.”
Those green, naive boys who once walked together in the tea fields had grown up into different shapes. One chased fame and fortune in the city but failed; the other had become shriveled and petty. In the end, they had become what they once despised.
So first love, really… if it ends, it’s better not to see each other again. Ideally, never again, keeping the memory in its most beautiful state.
Fan Xia said nothing further, unable to drink another drop. He held the small wine cup in both hands, leaning against the equally silent Ning Xiaobei, staring blankly at the orange-red flames flickering beneath the stove.
Not long after, voices came from downstairs. The wedding banquet had ended, and villagers gradually returned home.
The lamps along the hillside lit up one by one, like a scene straight out of a Studio Ghibli animation, accompanied by the Chinese folk tune 《Evening Song of the Fishermen》 .
Seeing unexpected guests suddenly appear at home, Teacher Gu’s parents were a little surprised. Half joking, half serious, they scolded their son for not mentioning earlier that his students were coming to visit, then quickly relaxed when they realized the two little friends had come all the way from Shanghai.
Since the two of them arrived so suddenly, and late, there wasn’t time to air out bedding. Brother Kai had no choice but to lend them his own quilt.
“It’s just two young men. Sharing a bed isn’t a big deal; maybe it’ll even be warmer than sleeping alone,” Mother Gu said with a smile as she tidied the room.
Words unintentional, but hearts attentive; Ning Xiaobei blushed a little, awkwardly smiling as he stepped forward to help spread the mattress.
Countryside houses have lots of rooms. Ning Xiaobei and Fan Xia would sleep upstairs, next door to Brother Kai’s room. His parents, being older and with weaker legs, stayed in the large bedroom on the left of the main hall downstairs.
“The bathroom is downstairs. I’ll have your teacher boil water for washing later. If you need anything else, just tell him… Well, he’s not really your teacher anymore. Alright, sleep now. Anything else can wait until tomorrow. Let Ah-Kai take you around the mountains; there are plenty of fun places in the countryside.”
After finishing the room, Mother Gu smiled and said goodnight, yawning as she walked downstairs.
By now it was about 9:30 PM, late for a rural household; past the usual bedtime.
“Alright, go to sleep. I know you both have a lot to ask me, but the days ahead are long. No need to rush it all into one night.”
Brother Kai stood up and walked to the door.
Though he said you both, his eyes were fixed only on Ning Xiaobei.
After all, he had taught these two little rascals for three years; he knew them fairly well.
Fan Xia was a strong, reckless boy, all heart and no caution.
As for Ning Xiaobei… three years in, and he still hadn’t really figured him out.
He honestly didn’t understand how these two had become a pair.
“Listen here…”
Just as they were about to leave, Brother Kai grabbed Fan Xia, pressed him against the door, and whispered into his ear, “This quilt is brand new this year, six jin73 kg of fresh cotton, all new stuffing.”
“What? Brother Kai, what are you trying to say?”
Fan Xia looked bewildered—was Brother Kai about to ask for rent for the room?
“Look, you two can do what you want, but don’t dirty my sheets and quilt. If my mom finds out, the three of us are doomed together.”
He’d been that age himself once; of course he knew what could happen when two people shared the same bed.
“Ah, geez. Brother Kai, I beg you; just treat us like students, please.”
Fan Xia’s face turned bright red as he shoved Brother Kai toward the stairs.
“Boil more water. I want to soak my feet.”
“Get lost! Are you really bossing your teacher around now?”
Turning into their room and closing the door, Fan Xia glanced at Ning Xiaobei, who was standing by the window, letting off the alcohol haze. Ning Xiaobei leaned on the window railing, staring at the view below, his camel-colored cashmere sweater tracing a fine waistline.
Fan Xia swore, if Brother Kai hadn’t mentioned it earlier, he would never have thought of that. Absolutely never. He swore it!
“Don’t… aren’t you tired? We’ve been on the road all day…”
After washing up, the two of them, still smelling faintly of Jinfang laundry fragrance from the pajamas, lay side by side sharing a pillow.
Just moments ago they had been talking normally, yet Fan Xia repeatedly swore to heaven: in this life, he would never betray Ning Xiaobei. They would not only be each other’s first love, but also each other’s only love. Should they break this vow, may thunder strike from the heavens, may earth and sky collapse.
Ning Xiaobei couldn’t help but laugh and cry at the same time. This guy had clearly read too many martial arts novels as a kid; every oath and vow came laced with wuxia flair.
Still, the feeling of being moved was real. Ning Xiaobei thought, what did he do to deserve such a lovely boy caring for him? In the real world, he had long since prepared himself for a lonely life.
Now it seemed this dream world wasn’t conjured merely to resurrect his father; it almost felt like it had been created specifically so he could reunite with Fan Xia.
In a flash, a tiny fragment of insight sparked across Ning Xiaobei’s mind. He furrowed his brow, feeling as if he’d grasped something crucial.
“Hey, stop it.”
But before he could focus and sort out the subtle clues, Fan Xia began his mischief.
This kid was hopeless at studying, yet somehow obsessed with tinkering elsewhere. Where he’d picked up these antics was anyone’s guess, but he was now unleashing them without any sense of timing or place.
“Stop… this is Brother Kai’s house.”
Ning Xiaobei frowned, biting the back of his left hand, and pressed his hand against Fan Xia’s hair.
They say a person’s hair reflects their character. Fan Xia’s hair was exactly like that; stiff, sharp, every strand standing up like quills. Every morning, he would have to wrap it with a hot towel to flatten it bit by bit, then style it with wax. Otherwise, it would spike all day like a porcupine. Or he could just shave it into a crew cut like in middle and high school; the ultimate test of a handsome man’s resilience, which Ning Jianguo had passed his whole life.
Fan Xia paid him no mind.
Afraid of disturbing the elders downstairs, and even more afraid of Brother Kai overhearing, Ning Xiaobei eventually had to cover his mouth with both hands. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he made a small, beast-like whimpering sound from deep in his throat.
Even so, the sound reached Bush, who was keeping watch by the main room. The dog lifted its head and let out a long “Awooo,” prompting all the neighboring dogs to howl in chorus, nearly making Ning Xiaobei faint.
“See? I told you I wouldn’t dirty the quilt.”
At last, it was over.
From toes to fingertips, Ning Xiaobei’s skin flushed red. He stared blankly as Fan Xia raised his head, smiling with self-satisfaction. He licked his lips; his Adam’s apple bobbed, as if he had just swallowed some divine elixir.
Ning Xiaobei, mortified, pressed his elbow against his eyes to avoid looking.
Fan Xia forcibly pulled his arm down. Those deep, glossy black eyes, like molten mercury, looked straight at him with an honesty that seemed to slice open his very lungs.
Carrying the recklessness of youth, yet threaded with a subtle sorrow that could be easily missed if one wasn’t paying attention.
“Ning Xiaobei, you can’t ever not want me. We absolutely cannot break up… ever.”
Fan Xia was anxious, afraid.
The past few days’ flood of news had left him disoriented.
Brother Kai and Teacher Peng’s, Ding Zheyang and Chang Leyun’s, and just now, the freshly revealed story about Brother Kai’s first love; each piece swirling in Fan Xia’s ears, stirring unrest in the young man’s heart.
He gently placed his hands on Ning Xiaobei’s slender neck.
He had always thought Xiaobei’s neck was more beautiful than any ballerina’s; fragile, breakable, like that of a white swan.
His dark hands contrasted sharply against the pale skin.
The mountain wind swept away the mist, revealing the moon, casting light on the wooden window frame, and glinting across this beautiful chest and neck before him.
A body fragile like jade is his, only his.
Transparent tears slid from his eyes, landing on the creamy skin, one by one, then more and more.
“Ning Xiaobei… I will die, I will definitely die.”
The young man forced a smile but couldn’t stop the tears that fell like broken pearls.
“If you don’t want me, I will die. My father can reject me, my mother can reject me, that’s fine, really fine. But you… you can’t. Ning Xiaobei, you can’t… If you don’t want me, I’ll kill you. Let’s die together, okay? Together.”
He spoke such fierce words, threatening harm, yet the hands on Ning Xiaobei’s neck were impossibly gentle, not daring to add an ounce of force.
After all… this was Ning Xiaobei.
Fan Xia lowered his head. His wheat-colored shoulders caught the moonlight, the inverted triangle of his body resembling a deity from Greek mythology or a beautiful youth serving Zeus.
His shoulders trembled, beautiful and fragile.
“Fan Xia… Fan Xia…”
Ten fingers, perfect enough for a pianist, reached out, circling his shoulders.
White feathers mingled with black feathers; at that moment, they were a pair of black and white swans, with necks intertwined, comforting each other in the moonlit mountain lake of their embrace.
“I won’t betray you. I absolutely won’t… absolutely…”
He placed a gentle kiss on Fan Xia’s forehead.
………………
At the window just a wall away, Gu Kaige perched one leg on the carved brown frame. Click. An orange flower seemed to bloom at his lips.
He looked down at the lighter in his hand, running his fingers over the small sheepskin cover on its body.
It had been bought for him by Peng Yue during that week right after the SARS quarantine ended earlier this year.
Back then, the hardest thing for the students was the terrifying cafeteria food. For these two old smokers, it was being unable to buy cigarettes or even find a place to smoke.
When the craving hit, they clung to each other desperately, holding tight, trying to suppress the nicotine need with pleasure.
They had thought that was the beginning of everything. Who would have thought it was also the end of everything?
“Tch… cold…”
The midnight mountain wind wasn’t messing around; it carried dew from the trees and a bone-chilling bite. After hastily taking the last drag, Gu Kaige hurried to close the window.
But in his rush, he accidentally knocked the lighter off the windowsill.
It had probably fallen into the grass or the muddy ground, making no sound at all.
He froze for a moment, but in the end, chose to close the window.
“Let it be…”
He said.
………………
Author’s Note:
DDDD
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