After running to seven or eight large pharmacies, they finally managed to gather all the albumin injections. Ning Jianguo suggested treating her to another dinner, but the woman hurriedly refused, saying she had already troubled him enough today. She had brought her own dry rations and roasted barley flour; she could just mix it with hot water back at the hotel.
Ning Jianguo had no choice but to send her back to a small hotel near the train station. Fortunately, although the place was small, it looked fairly safe. They agreed that he would come pick her up early the next morning and take her to the train.
“All set?”
Outside the hotel, the west wind howled. Zhao Jingwen stood beside the Toyota, his coat collar turned up, hands tucked into his pockets.
The moment he saw Ning Jianguo, he quickly walked over.
“All done. I told her she should at least get a carton of milk to go with her dry food, but she refused. She said she wanted to save the money to buy medicine for her father-in-law.”
As Ning Jianguo spoke, he shook his head and let out a sigh.
“Her complexion now is probably the result of years of malnutrition. Back then, she was a famous beauty across all the surrounding villages…”
“I already told Fan Xia that we won’t be home tomorrow morning. He said he’s taking Xiaobei, Lele, and Yangyang out for hot pot.”
“Jingwen, thank you so much for today…”
Ning Jianguo rested one arm on Zhao Jingwen’s leg and gave it a light pat, his voice dry as he spoke. “If I had been alone, I really wouldn’t have known how to face her.”
Zhao Jingwen said nothing. He simply squeezed his hand, then stepped on the gas and merged into the endless stream of traffic.
No matter the time, the area around the train station was always bustling with cars and people. It was a place where chance encounters, reunions, and partings were forever being played out.
In the night, the orange-red glow of car taillights flickered with every kind of human emotion— joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness —carrying with them the faint smell of gasoline and the choking exhaust as they sped toward every corner of the city.
The dazzling neon lights reflected against the car windows, their shifting colors casting spots and patterns across Ning Jianguo’s unmoving face as he stared out into the distance.
At this time of year, it should already be snowing in the North.
The thought suddenly crossed Ning Jianguo’s mind.
He still remembered the first time he saw those goose-feather-like snowflakes. He had stood there, completely dumbfounded that he didn’t even hear the squad leader’s shouted command. He had simply tilted his head back foolishly, watching the white snowflakes that seemed to rush down from the sky itself.
Shanghai rarely sees snow. Even when it does, the snow in Jiangnan is gentle and damp. Almost as soon as it touches the ground, it begins to melt. Once stepped on by passersby, it turns into muddy slush, and before long, it disappears completely.
He remembered that only once, when he was very young, had he opened the window to see the entire alley covered in snow. That had been in the deep of winter, close to the twelfth lunar month1腊月 (twelfth lunar month): The final month of the traditional lunar calendar, leading up to the Chinese New Year.
He remembered it so clearly because at that time, every household in Jiande Lane had wind-dried chickens, ducks, and cured sausages hanging by their windows. At the Ningbo old lady’s doorway, there were even dried eel strips. The flavor of the New Year was the flavor of food.
And yet, in this far northern town, it was only October, and it was already snowing. How could that not be surprising?
The result of making such a fuss was that he dragged the squad leader down with him, and the two of them were punished by cleaning the pigsty for an entire week.
The first time he saw a pigsty, Ning Jianguo was also full of curiosity. Growing up, he had often heard the saying, “Even if you haven’t eaten pork, you’ve at least seen pigs run2Even if you lack firsthand experience, you should at least have some awareness”. But having grown up in the city, he had only ever eaten pork.
He had only seen a live pig once — one year before he enlisted. He had gone to the Sanjiaodi Market with his mom to buy groceries, and it just so happened that the market was hosting a citywide butchering competition.
Carrying a shopping basket and standing behind his mom, he watched as two young women worked together in perfect coordination, using hooks to drag out a large white pig, weighing at least two or three hundred jin3200–300 jin = 100–150 kg, from a passageway. Both women wore wooden clogs, their sleeves and pant legs rolled high, revealing fair arms and calves full of strength. One of them, with short hair, was especially beautiful, with red lips and white teeth, holding something like an awl in her hand.
The pig seemed to sense that its end was near. It struggled fiercely, squealing loud enough to shake the heavens, its limbs flailing wildly. But before it could resist for long, the beautiful woman raised the awl and drove it into the pig’s neck in one swift motion, piercing straight to the heart.
Then she kicked over a wooden bucket to catch the blood. Her fair face was calm, her eyes dark and bright, with a faint, composed smile at the corner of her lips.
Ning Jianguo stood there dumbfounded. From an uncle nearby who had already been watching the competition for two days, he learned that this step was called decisive killing blow, a test of delivering a clean, fatal strike in one go. The woman might be beautiful, but her methods were fierce. Any man who married her might feel a bit scared.
Another man nearby, wearing glasses and a blue Zhongshan suit, looking like a cadre, gave a cold laugh and said, “‘Women hold up half the sky,’ as the leader said. If men can do the job, women can certainly do it too and do it even better. Even if you haven’t seen the ‘Iron Girls of Dazhai4大寨铁姑娘 (Iron Girls of Dazhai): A propaganda symbol of women who challenged traditional gender roles by performing intense agricultural labor during the Mao era’ in the newspapers, you’ve at least heard of the Red Detachment of Women from Hainan Island5Red Detachment of Women (红色娘子军) was an all-female military unit of the Chinese Communist forces formed in Hainan in the early 1930s. It later became a famous revolutionary symbol, popularized in films and ballets, representing women’s liberation and their equal role in fighting and labor, right? Among the teams that made it to the final round of this butchering competition, three or four are women’s teams. Definitely, women are no less capable than men. And besides, why would her husband be scared? He’s not a pig.”
The argument was logical, well-supported, and delivered with authority, leaving the glib uncle speechless. He could only give an awkward laugh and lightly slap his own mouth.
By the time Ning Jianguo finished listening to them, the two women had already completed the entire process— killing, inflating, dehairing, and butchering— in just three to four minutes. It was clean and efficient, drawing waves of applause from the crowd, who praised them as new-era female butchers bringing honor to the working class.
This was Ning Jianguo’s first time seeing a live pig and also his first time witnessing slaughter. He was completely stunned, only able to clap along with the crowd, nearly dropping the basket in his hands.
“That woman’s mother was my classmate in the girls’ high school. Her English name was Ivy, Ivy Huang.”
The contest ended, and as expected, the pair they had just watched took first place. Ning Jianguo lingered, still thrilled, and walked out of the market with Mother Ning, who was only in her fifties at the time.
“Mom, now we have to call her Comrade Huang.”
Ning Jianguo reminded her.
“Yes. Back in school, Comrade Huang even competed with your mother for a boyfriend. Who would have thought her daughter would turn out so capable? I heard Comrade Huang is now the director at a meat processing plant. Every day, her team slaughters hundreds of pigs to supply Shanghai’s food market. Compared to that, all Mom can do is stand behind a counter selling pens. And this month, pen sales weren’t even good; my boss scolded me, and I feel so ashamed.”
Mother Ning paused, furrowed her brows, and murmured softly, “If back then it had been this Comrade Huang’s daughter competing for a boyfriend with me, I definitely wouldn’t have won. And if you were a daughter, you wouldn’t stand a chance either.”
Ning Jianguo, her eldest son: “…”
Anyway, seeing live pigs in the company’s pigpens had left a huge impression on Ning Jianguo, especially since the pigpen smelled so terribly!
Standing there, he didn’t even know where to put his feet, let alone cut pork, cook pig feed, or clean the pen.
As the only city boy in the company, if it weren’t for Sergeant Wu patiently teaching him, taking care of him, helping him adjust, and instructing him in all the skills, Ning Jianguo would have been sent back to the recruit company in less than a month. Forget about earning a third-class merit later.
Ning Jianguo, being an only child, had never had an older brother, and he came to love and respect Squad Leader Wu as if he were his own.
During a joint operation to catch border-crossing fugitives, Squad Leader Wu was crushed by a falling boulder while covering for others, breaking his leg and sustaining severe injuries. He had been up for a non-commissioned officer promotion but had to retire due to the injury, leaving behind the unit and post he loved most.
On the day they said goodbye, Ning Jianguo clung to his shoulder and cried his eyes out.
He knew Squad Leader Wu’s family was poor. Their hometown had barely any land; after Ning Jianguo joined the army, Wu’s younger brother had even taken the family house for his own marriage, leaving Squad Leader Wu with nowhere to live. Squad Leader Wu had hoped that by becoming a Sergeant, he could remain in the military and, after retirement, at least hold a cadre position, and maybe even get a house.
Now it was all gone. And it was because of him that Squad Leader Wu’s future was ruined.
So a year later, when Ning Jianguo had become a Squad Leader himself and received a wedding invitation from Squad Leader Wu, asking him and a few old comrades to celebrate, he couldn’t describe how happy he felt.
The bride, Miss Ma, was fresh-faced and lively, and she was even more skilled when it came to work. The villagers all called her “Little Apple,” saying she was as sweet, pure, and diligent as Jeong-ok, the heroine in the North Korean color film 《When We Pick Apples.》
Miss Ma ignored her parents’ objections and, overcoming all obstacles, married Squad Leader Wu, whom she had admired for a long time. After the wedding, the two of them moved out of their respective family homes and lived together in a small, shabby house in the mountains.
When Ning Jianguo and his comrades went to celebrate the wedding, Squad Leader Wu was sitting on the roof, laying tiles. A few of the young men rolled up their sleeves and helped the groom repair the house, and for a moment, Ning Jianguo felt as if he had returned to the joyful days of his first days in the unit.
Fortunately, the local authorities had arranged forestry work for the demobilized soldiers. Their small life together was sweet and fulfilling, and three years later, they had a son. Because his father was a forest ranger, they named their son Wu Baosen6保 (bǎo) = to protect, guard, or preserve; 森 (sēn) = forest.
By that time, Ning Jianguo had long been demobilized and returned to faraway Shanghai, entering the Third Shoe Factory to work as a mold technician.
His mother was getting older, and her health was declining. She wrote letters every now and then, urging her son to come home. As the only son in the family, Ning Jianguo had no choice but to tearfully leave the military, take the train to the East Sea coast, and shoulder the responsibility of supporting his family.
After starting at the factory, he gradually made more friends and adapted to life in Shanghai.
The 1980s were a vibrant era. Together with Zhao Jingwen and other young factory workers, he wore the trendiest bell-bottoms, sported the frog-eye sunglasses like Mark from 《The Man from Atlantis》, danced disco, and tried to learn guitar. He never mastered the guitar, but he did split the nail on his index finger in two.
He had to work, study, build models, listen to music, and watch movies… Gradually, without noticing it, the letters he once exchanged with Squad Leader Wu changed from once a month slowed to once every two months, then three months, and eventually almost half a year between each letter.
He became the master’s proudest apprentice. He passed the engineer exam, attended night school for further study, and even began awkwardly learning English.
Just when he had almost forgotten everything from the past, he suddenly received a telegram from a small northern town.
A telegram of mourning.
Squad Leader Wu had died.
Half a year ago, during a forest fire, the squad leader had fallen in the depths of the Greater Khingan Mountains while trying to save state property. His body had returned to the soil, becoming part of the endless forest, forever guarding the land he loved.
This time, Miss Ma’s parents, threatening to the extreme, finally succeeding in forcing her hand to remarry. But her new husband didn’t want an extra mouth to feed in the house. The squad leader’s brother and sister-in-law also lived a hard life and refused to take in their late brother’s son. Left with no other option, Miss Ma turned to Ning Jianguo for help.
This was March 1986, the day the telegram arrived, coinciding with the Jingzhe solar term7Jingzhe (惊蛰): Third solar term of the Chinese lunar calendar, marking the awakening of insects in early March. Traditional Chinese folklore says that during Jingzhe, thunderstorms will wake up the hibernating insects.
The envelope hit Ning Jianguo like a bolt of lightning, shattering him to his core.
Afterward, Ning Jianguo took half a month off, boarded a train, and traveled to a small border town. When he returned, he brought back a chubby, fair-skinned boy.
Ning Jianguo, a young man himself, had suddenly come back from a trip with a son in tow.
The news exploded through Jiande Lane like a nuclear bomb.
The mushroom cloud spread all the way to the Third Shoe Factory. From the workshop director to the Party secretary, everyone came to him, trying to understand what had happened. Ning Jianguo was a key young worker the factory intended to groom, so if he had misbehaved and fathered a child, it would have been considered scandalous, practically a criminal offense in their eyes.
Knowing the situation was serious, Ning Jianguo turned to his nearly-retired master for help.
His master understood his character and had heard about what had happened back then. He knew Ning Jianguo was repaying a debt of gratitude. So the master stepped in and somehow convinced the factory’s special inspection team to let the child be officially registered, and the matter quietly settled.
In all of Jiande Lane, only Grandma Ning knew that Xiaobei had been adopted. Everyone else assumed Ning Jianguo had made a reckless mistake on a trip, gotten someone pregnant, and now had to raise the child himself.
Perhaps it was the saying you become like the family that feeds you, this northern-born boy had spent several years on the food and water of Jiangnan and had grown even more handsome, starting to resemble Ning Jianguo in some ways.
At first, Ning Jianguo, suddenly a father, was naturally flustered and unsure. But over time, he adapted and came to love this child, the continuation of his squad leader’s bloodline, as if he were his own flesh and blood.
Both Jiande Lane and the shoe factory were simply ordinary people trying to live normal lives. Even if some had initially held onto the story, hoping to cause trouble for Ning Jianguo or Grandma Ning, gradually everyone forgot.
After all, Ning Jianguo’s skills and character commanded respect, and Xiaobei was a sweet, clever child. In the alley, he would stop to greet anyone with a cheerful hello, mirroring Ning Jianguo himself as a boy. Adults couldn’t help but love him.
The only person who wasn’t happy was Grandma Ning.
Her son, a fine young man, had somehow become a cheap father. With Ning Jianguo’s looks, salary, and the family’s big house in Jiande Lane, matchmakers had nearly trampled the doorstep trying to arrange brides for him. Grandma Ning hadn’t been anxious at first, her son was still young, she reasoned, and should at least work a few years at the factory to build his record before marriage.
But once news of Xiaobei spread, the outcome was predictable. Matchmakers and the families they represented backed out. Not that everyone stopped coming, a few still showed up, but the women left were either unattractive, divorced, or already had children.
This infuriated Grandma Ning, who had always been fiercely competitive in life. She couldn’t show any warmth to her adopted grandson, viewing him as the cause of Ning Jianguo’s inability to marry and have children normally.
When it comes to repaying a kindness, there are plenty of ways to do it. You could send money every year to the family willing to adopt him, or even sponsor him through college someday.
But was it really necessary to take him in yourself?
Before Ning Xiaobei officially started elementary school, Grandma Ning was still hinting that Ning Jianguo should find a way to send him back to the Northeast. Once his school registration was set, it would be a real hassle.
But Ning Jianguo, though usually mild-mannered and seemingly easygoing, was just as stubborn at heart as Grandma Ning. He was determined that Xiaobei was his son and refused to send him away no matter what. If his mother pushed too hard, he would move out of Jiande Lane with his son and live on his own.
Parents can never fully control their children. Not wanting to be left with no one to depend on in her old age, Grandma Ning reluctantly looked the other way and let him have his way.
Now, so many years later, Xiaobei was thriving, and the old woman had finally accepted this grandson, treating him with genuine affection.
He thought everything was settled, yet he never expected that woman to come to Shanghai, march straight into Jiande Lane, sneak into the school to see Xiaobei, and bring him gifts.
He knew she probably wouldn’t claim Xiaobei, but isn’t there a saying — mother and child share a bond? If Xiaobei noticed anything, what would he be worth? All the years of raising him, pouring his heart and soul into him—did that count for nothing?
The next day, after seeing the woman onto the train, Zhao Jingwen drove back to the small square below the Workers’ New Village.
It was already past one in the afternoon. Zhao Jingwen cut the engine and glanced up: the rooms on the second and third floors were quiet. Fan Xia and the others were surely still at the hotpot restaurant.
“Shall we grab something at a nearby diner?”
Zhao Jingwen unbuckled his seatbelt and said this to Ning Jianguo, who hadn’t said a word the whole ride.
Ning Jianguo looked up dazedly, taking in the familiar scenery outside the window, slowly realizing they were home.
He didn’t know it, but tears were already streaming down his face.
“You… what are you doing? She agreed with us, took the money, bought the medicine, and she won’t ever come back to Shanghai, much less claim the boy. So what are you doing now?”
Seeing his partner’s face drenched in tears, Zhao Jingwen couldn’t help but pull him into his arms.
“Someone’s watching.”
“No one… everyone’s having lunch right now. Who would come here?”
“Jingwen, I’m so scared, I’m terrified… I’m really afraid she’ll take Xiaobei away.”
Ning Jianguo had always been strong. Even in the toughest days at the new recruits’ camp, he never shed a single tear. Even when he thought his lifelong safety net, the Third Shoe Factory, might shut down, he had never felt this much heartache.
“Ning Xiaobei… he only called me Dad in his third month after arriving in Shanghai. I remember it clearly, it was Children’s Day. I bought him a small chestnut cake from 【Kaisiling】, and while I was feeding him, he suddenly looked up and called me Dad…”
“From that moment on, I made up my mind. I wouldn’t get married, and I wouldn’t have any other children. He is my child, my only son.”
As he spoke, Ning Jianguo lifted his head and looked toward the third floor.
“He wasn’t in good health as a child. When he first came to Shanghai, maybe he couldn’t adjust to the climate and food, every few days I had to take him to the children’s hospital for emergency treatment. Later on, he even developed asthma… Jingwen, I feel so guilty. I didn’t take good enough care of him. After all, I’m not his real father, so I couldn’t look after everything perfectly, right?”
“No. You’ve already done more than enough. Xiaobei has been raised so well by you; he’s an outstanding child.”
Zhao Jingwen wiped the tears from his lover’s cheeks with his fingers and shook his head. “Look at us, both fathers. My brother-in-law Fan Jian is complete trash. Even a loser like him has two kids, and he still managed to raise them. You’re ten thousand times more responsible than he is.”
Zhao Jingwen even dragged Fan Jian out just to make the comparison, and Ning Jianguo finally laughed.
He wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes with a handkerchief and sniffed, a little embarrassed.
“Do you think… she’ll come back again? We gave her so much money… Of course, that wasn’t to make her sell her child. It was so she could live well over there. If her life improves in the future, then she shouldn’t come back to Shanghai, right?”
Early that morning, Zhao Jingwen had gone to the bank to withdraw 20,000 yuan. Together with what Ning Jianguo had given yesterday, they made a total of 50,000 and handed it to Ma Guixiang.
Fifty thousand wasn’t a huge amount, but it was enough in that small town to rent a storefront or open a small shop; enough for a family to live a decent life.
Zhao Jingwen patted his back and told him not to worry. Once the kids came back and saw him like this, they’d definitely get suspicious. Besides, the old lady was still living on the second floor; this absolutely couldn’t be discovered. Now that Grandma Ning doted so much on Xiaobei, if she found out that woman had come, it would be a huge shock to her.
Ning Jianguo gradually calmed down and got out of the car to eat with Zhao Jingwen.
Even so, Zhao Jingwen still believed in that honest, simple woman’s character.
But from what he had heard from her over the past two days, the family she had remarried into… leaving aside that her father-in-law was a sickly man, the whole household didn’t seem like easy people to deal with… otherwise, how could they have worn her down into what she looked like now?
But he couldn’t say any of this to his lover, he was afraid it would only make him worry more. All he could do was silently pray that heaven would show some mercy, and grant this pair— so deeply bound, not father and son yet closer than father and son—a happy ending. Let the good people not be hurt again.
“I’ll stay with you.”
Walking beside Ning Jianguo, Zhao Jingwen lowered his head and spoke softly by his ear.
“No matter what happens, I’ll always stay with you.”
Ning Jianguo raised his head, and at last showed the first hint of a smile that day.
………………
Author’s Note:
Let me quietly ask… did anyone ever have a crush on Squad Leader Shi8ikely a reference to Shi Jin (史今) or Squad Leader Shi(史班长) in 《Soldiers Sortie》? ⁕covers face ⁕… I used to love him to death.
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