SSIGBHC Chapter 6

“If it weren’t for you—”

Lai Zuoyi’s words were like sharp thorns that had been meticulously crafted to pierce through anything. In Yang Shiluo’s eyes, those thorns had already punctured Lai Yunyue’s soul, slowly devouring that small spirit. She wanted to cry but couldn’t. The only ones who could extend a hand to save Lai Yunyue were herself and Lai Zuoyi.

The cries and lamentations in the living room felt like an endless farce. Yang Shiluo, caught in the middle, was being pulled in two directions by invisible forces. She couldn’t utter a single word, only watch coldly from the sidelines.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Lai Yunyue was crying, her face smeared with snot and tears. Lai Zuoyi’s expression was twisted in agony. Seeing the child wiping away her tears with her sleeve, now completely soaked, Lai Zuoyi suddenly snapped back to reality. Her movements froze, her face went blank, and the next second, tears poured down her cheeks. She pushed Yang Shiluo aside and threw herself at Lai Yunyue, hugging her tightly and sobbing.

“I’m sorry, Mom loves you! Mom loves you so much! I’m sorry, Yunyue, please forgive me—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have hurt you like this, I’m sorry, Yunyue, Mom is so sorry—”

Lai Zuoyi held Lai Yunyue tightly, crying and kissing her cheeks repeatedly, her eyes filled with guilt and pain. Lai Yunyue also clung to her tightly, sniffing and shaking her head, saying it was okay. Yang Shiluo’s eyes welled up, and she quickly handed tissues to the mother and daughter.

“Yunyue, I’m sorry… Mom will take you to McDonald’s this Saturday, okay? You like fried chicken, right? Mom will buy you fried chicken and your favorite chocolate sundae, alright? Forgive me… Mom is really sorry… I’m sorry, I know I was wrong, I’m sorry…”

Lai Zuoyi held Lai Yunyue tightly, repenting. Lai Yunyue sniffed and said okay, basking in the warmth of her mother’s embrace. Slowly, she closed her eyes, lulled by the soothing rhythm, and drifted off to sleep.

“Senior,” Yang Shiluo called softly, suppressing the emotions welling up inside her.

“Shh…” Lai Zuoyi placed her index finger on her lips, gently picked up Lai Yunyue, and carried her back to her room. She wiped the child’s tear-streaked face with a warm towel and quietly closed the door.

“Let’s eat.”

After leaving Lai Yunyue’s room, Lai Zuoyi took a deep breath and steadied her voice. Yang Shiluo nodded, and they sat side by side in the living room, silently eating their bento—or rather, half of it. After what had just happened, neither of them had much appetite.

“Yunyue is… the child I had after being raped.”

After a long silence, Lai Zuoyi finally spoke. Even though Yang Shiluo had already guessed, her body still stiffened for a moment before she nodded.

“Back then, after finishing my studies abroad, I thought having foreign work experience would make it easier to find a job back home… and it would make you proud.” Lai Zuoyi’s gaze remained fixed on her tightly clenched chopsticks. “I found a job and thought the boss recognized my talent by hiring a rookie like me as his secretary. But after a business dinner, he raped me… and even threatened to do it again, so I ran away. The company’s boss had too much influence—both the media and the judges were on his side. There was no way I could win a case against him.”

“Beast…” Yang Shiluo clenched her teeth, but upon seeing Lai Zuoyi’s fingers tremble slightly, she decided to take a deep breath, fearing she might trigger her again.

“I really love Yunyue,” Lai Zuoyi said, her head hanging low. “I love her so much… she’s my daughter, I know that, both rationally and emotionally. But every time I think about the other half of her bloodline being that man, I remember that night. No matter how much I try to endure it, I know a child shouldn’t bear the weight of an adult’s mistakes, but… I still made the wrong choice. In my moments of losing control, I hurt Yunyue, and yet she forgives me every time, more mature than I am.”

Lai Zuoyi sniffled, her eyes red as she looked at Yang Shiluo. “I always wanted to be… the perfect mother, just like my mom. But I ended up being the worst woman, not even deserving the title of a mother… Shiluo, isn’t that ironic?”

“I probably wouldn’t even have the courage to face it,” Yang Shiluo’s heart ached. She wished she could personally kill the man who had hurt Lai Zuoyi. Especially when she saw the disappointment and pain in Lai Zuoyi’s eyes, she understood. Lai Zuoyi had always been a gentle person, but someone’s selfish desires had completely shattered her world.

“I’m really terrible,” Lai Zuoyi said as another tear rolled down her cheek. Yang Shiluo handed her a tissue, suppressing her own emotions as she listened to Lai Zuoyi’s lament.

“When I was still abroad, and Yunyue was still young… I once thought about strangling her, but I couldn’t do it. As she got older, I would take her out and then deliberately abandon her. The first time I did it, I took her to the movies, lied to her that I was going to the restroom, and left her alone in the theater while I went home. At first, I felt a sense of relief, but the pressure inside me kept growing. I couldn’t help but go back, returning just before the movie ended. I remember asking Yunyue afterward if she enjoyed the movie, and she said she didn’t know because she had been waiting for me the whole time.”

“Yeah…”

Yang Shiluo imagined the scene for a moment but didn’t dare to think further.

Now Lai Yunyue was only six years old. How old was she when that happened?

“Another time, I took her to the amusement park and abandoned her there,” Lai Zuoyi forced a smile, but there was no joy in it. “My heart was torn, but I was stubborn. I abandoned her, then went back to find her, over and over… as if Yunyue were some doll I could take out when I liked her and lock away when I got tired. I don’t know, and I don’t have the courage to ask if she remembers these things. At least I remember them clearly, as if I were carving those moments of my stupidity into my heart with a chisel.”

So, every time she goes to a new place, she’s anxious, afraid she’ll be abandoned again? Yang Shiluo thought of Lai Yunyue, nervous and scared, sneaking glances around when Lai Zuoyi wasn’t looking.

Her stomach twisted again.

“And then, I really couldn’t stand myself anymore,” Lai Zuoyi forced a laugh, wiping away the tears in her eyes with her left hand. “Shiluo, I really love you. Because you once said you liked old-fashioned romantic confessions, I originally planned to confess to you when I came back. But now with Yunyue, I was afraid you wouldn’t want me, thinking I had betrayed you by having a child. That’s when things started to get worse… I would lash out at Yunyue. I know I shouldn’t have hit her, but I couldn’t control my emotions. My rationality was like a blown fuse. Every time I came to my senses, she was already bruised and crying on the floor. I… I…”

Lai Zuoyi couldn’t continue. She lowered her head, crying silently, wiping away her tears.

Yang Shiluo’s heart sank with her sobs. A wave of malice washed over them, pulling them into a cold whirlpool. Yang Shiluo saw the battered Lai Zuoyi sinking, and she strained with all her might to get closer, to pull her back up.

“I… I know I overthink things…” Lai Zuoyi’s voice trembled. “But back then, I felt so helpless… and it had been so many years since I’d seen you. I was afraid you had changed… I couldn’t tell my parents about Yunyue… I was so scared… truly scared… I had no one to turn to…”

“I can help you!” Yang Shiluo shouted. Just as Lai Zuoyi was about to drown in her self-blame, Yang Shiluo grabbed her hand. “I can help you, Zuoyi! And… I love you too, in a romantic way! You don’t have to worry about little Yunyue! I love you, and I love Yunyue too. Isn’t she our daughter? So, how could I love my wife but hate my own child?”

Lai Zuo also sniffled and looked at her: “You don’t mind that she’s…”

“Mind what? I love her more than anything!” Yang Shiluo knew her tone sounded forced. After a moment of thought, she decided to drop the act and looked at her seriously: “Zuo, I love you too. I know it’s impossible for you to suddenly let go of all this pain, but dwelling on it isn’t good—for you or for Xiaoyue. What’s done is done…”

“Then what should I do?” Lai Zuo looked at her and asked, “Shiluo… I really have no idea. Would it be better to send Yunyue away…? I’m not a good mother. When she grows up, she’ll definitely…”

“Zuo, calm down first.” Yang Shiluo pinched her cheek, feeling as though their roles had reversed. The junior who used to chase after her senior for help was now the one comforting the panicked senior. “We can’t rush this. Let’s take it step by step. First, you have to believe that I don’t care about what happened to you. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, but no matter what, my love for you hasn’t changed. And I really like Xiaoyue—she’s so sweet and obedient. If you don’t mind, I’d like to move in with you both in the future. We’ll raise Xiaoyue together and grow together. The only way to let go of the fear of the past is to face it head-on.”

“You… won’t send her away?”

“I can’t say for sure, but for Xiaoyue, you’re her only family. Even though that child has never said it, I can tell she loves you deeply as her mother. Even if you’ve made mistakes in the past, you should face them and make up for them with actions, not by sending her away. Xiaoyue has been waiting for you to come back to her!”

After saying this, Yang Shiluo looked at Lai Zuo tenderly: “Do you love Xiaoyue?”

“I do. She’s my daughter,” Lai Zuo answered without hesitation, nodding lightly.

“Mm, and she’s my daughter too,” Yang Shiluo chuckled. “How could you not love her when I gave birth to her?”

Lai Zuo was stunned for a moment, then burst into laughter. Yang Shiluo smiled along, took her hand, and continued softly, “So, let’s face it together! There will definitely be many challenges ahead, but I know we’ll get through them together. Let’s put those painful memories aside for now, okay? I believe happiness is waiting for us in the future. Let’s move forward together, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Mm!”

They held hands, gazing at each other.

In the warmth that had finally arrived, Lai Zuo spoke softly, “Shiluo, I’ve spent these years regretting my decisions, but now… I’m so glad coming back to you was the right choice.”

“Mm, I’m glad too!” She smiled, her grin like a little sun that dispelled the fear in Lai Zuo’s heart. “No matter what happens in the future, I’ll always be by your side. So let’s walk this path together!”

“Yes, we’ll walk it with Yunyue!”

“Of course! She’s mine after all—haha!”

Yang Shiluo kissed Lai Zuo’s lips, and the two of them smiled at each other. In the fading gloom, a bud of love began to bloom.

In the future, that place would surely be filled with a sea of happiness.