Morning and Evening Chapter 31

He Mu was the first to arrive at the dance studio. He changed his clothes and practiced for almost half an hour before heading to He Jun’s place. He hadn’t turned on his phone, yet he kept it in his hand the whole time, as if he were carrying a bomb. He wanted to look at it but didn’t, afraid it wouldn’t ring and equally afraid that it would. Only later did he remember he had never switched it on at all, and the realization made him feel foolish for having been so nervous.

When they arrived at the theater, before the crew had even started rehearsals, He Jun’s phone rang. He answered it and said, “Hello, Teacher Chang, what’s up?”

Startled, He Mu jumped up from his chair, startling He Jun beside him. He Mu whispered, “Say I’m not here…”

He Jun nodded blankly and told the person on the other end, “He Mu? I haven’t seen him.”

He Mu let out a long sigh and sat back down. Chang Ming’an didn’t know he was rehearsing at He Jun’s place, so he probably wouldn’t come looking for him. He slipped his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie, twisting his fingers together and unconsciously picking at his nails. He felt both nervous and secretly pleased. His mind was a mess, and his expression kept shifting, brows furrowing and relaxing again and again. Seeing him like this, He Jun asked no questions.

During rehearsals He Mu felt he wasn’t dancing well. He tried to clear his mind of every distraction, but he couldn’t help thinking about it. In the final rehearsal he even tripped and stumbled. Everyone comforted him, saying he simply wasn’t in good form that day and would be better next time.

He Mu felt guilty. After the event he still stood on the stage with a frown, turning the whole thing over in his mind. Seeing this, He Jun handed him a cup of hot chocolate that had just arrived by takeout and said, “Don’t think about it. You’re usually great. Today you just had a little mishap.”

He Mu held the hot chocolate in both hands. He Jun asked, “What’s wrong? Can you tell me?”

He shook his head and stayed silent.

“It’s okay,” He Jun said. “Something hot will make you feel better.”

He Mu readily agreed and took a small sip. The sweet, warm chocolate swirled in his mouth before sliding down into his stomach. It felt truly comforting. He thanked him gratefully. He Jun winked at him but said nothing more.

After rehearsals ended, He Mu had no classes and nowhere particular to go. He wandered aimlessly around the school, half expecting to run into Chang Ming’an and half planning how he would hide if he did. By afternoon he still hadn’t seen him. It was cold outside, finals were approaching, and there wasn’t a single empty seat in the library. In the end he had no choice but to drag his slow steps home.

As soon as he stepped out of the elevator he saw Chang Ming’an hurrying out of the apartment with his car keys in hand.

Chang Ming’an froze the moment he saw him. He stood still, then tossed the keys back into the small white porcelain dish in the entryway with a sharp clink that carried a hint of emotion.

“Where did you go?” Chang Ming’an asked, frowning, looking angry the way a parent questions a child who has come home late.

He blocked the doorway, so He Mu could only stand in front of the elevator, staring at his own toes. “Nowhere,” he mumbled. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“Come in.” Chang Ming’an stepped aside. Mu Mu stood at his feet, peeking out with half her head and watching them curiously.

“Oh.” He Mu obediently adjusted the strap of his backpack, brushed past Chang Ming’an, and went inside. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Chang Ming’an said, closing the door behind him. “I was about to come look for you.”

He Mu said “Oh” again, unsure what to say next. Chang Ming’an continued, “You don’t turn on your phone, and I had no idea where you were. I was going to drive to the old house to search for you.”

The old house was more than an hour’s drive from the university town. He Mu felt deeply guilty and buried his head even lower, hiding his face in the scarf Chang Ming’an had lent him. Even when Mu Mu came over to rub against his leg and act cute, he didn’t dare lower his head to pet her.

Seeing him standing there like a schoolboy being punished, Chang Ming’an didn’t know what to do. His mind raced. At last he sighed and said helplessly, “You know you’re making people worry, right?”

He Mu looked up at him, then lowered his head again. “What do you want to talk about? Just say it.”

Chang Ming’an had been on the verge of leaving. The heating had been turned off and the room was slowly growing cold. He asked He Mu to sit on the sofa first, switched the heating back on, poured a steaming cup of black tea, and set it in front of him. He Mu sat on the sofa barely breathing. The serious atmosphere made him uneasy, as if Chang Ming’an had something extremely important to say. He picked up the cup, took a small sip, and set it down again.

Chang Ming’an was still sorting through his own thoughts. He had spent most of the day wondering where He Mu had gone and hadn’t had much time to organize what he wanted to say. Noticing that He Mu didn’t seem to like the black tea, he got up, found some condensed milk in the refrigerator, and mixed it in until he had a light milk tea.

He Mu sat on the sofa watching him, yet still respectfully picked up the cup and took small sips.

Chang Ming’an moved a chair and sat opposite him. Carefully he said, “I’ve only ever liked members of the opposite sex before.”

He Mu almost choked. He quickly set the empty cup down, unsure how to respond, and could only hum to show he was listening.

“I have no experience with the same sex,” Chang Ming’an went on, staring intently at He Mu’s face, afraid of missing even the slightest expression. “So I don’t dare make any rash conclusions. That would be irresponsible. I need to think about it for a while.”

“N-nothing, it’s okay. I was wrong last night. I… you shouldn’t think…” He Mu had assumed Chang Ming’an was politely refusing him and hurried to apologize. Then, turning the words over several times in his mind, he realized something. “Consider? Consider what…?”

Chang Ming’an was nervous himself, but when he saw He Mu staring at him blankly a smile rose unbidden to his lips. He coughed twice, pressing his fist against the smile, and continued, “You can consider it too. I promise that even if you don’t stay with me, I will keep helping you. You can live in the house until you graduate. You don’t need to worry about anything. I’ll help you with whatever I can.”

Fireworks exploded in He Mu’s mind, one after another, leaving him dizzy and disoriented.

“Are you… together?”

Those three words carried too much weight. He Mu automatically ignored the part about considering it. He could hardly believe it. Together? Chang Ming’an would be with him? Did that mean Chang Ming’an also liked him, loved him?

His stuttering still hadn’t fully subsided. His face and neck flushed red as he looked at Chang Ming’an and asked, “Then… then do you like me…?”

His voice grew softer and softer until the last word was barely audible.

Chang Ming’an looked earnestly into his eyes. “I worry about you. I want to protect you. And I want to be with you. If that counts as liking someone, then the answer is yes.”

He Mu didn’t know what to say. Language felt inadequate and barren, unable to express even a fraction of the surging emotions in his heart. He opened his mouth and closed it again. His nose felt sore. He wrinkled it slightly to hide the feeling and sniffed. Then he said solemnly, “I… I will seriously consider it.”

“Me too,” Chang Ming’an answered.

Mu Mu had been ignored for a long time. At last, unable to bear the loneliness, she jumped onto the sofa, stepped onto He Mu’s legs, put her front paws on his chest, and licked his chin. The ticklish sensation made him hug her, fall back onto the sofa, and turn his face toward the cushions so that no one would see the wide, helpless grin spreading across his face.

What should we eat tonight?

Chang Ming’an stood up and watched the man and the cat tumbling together on the sofa. He felt better than he had in a long time.