TSMITB Chapter61

After that day, the two of them called each other almost every day.

They talked about topics with little substance; Sheng Qixiao’s questions were numerous and dense, from three meals a day to the warmth of the weather, he showed unprecedented curiosity as if trying to piece together Shen Que’s entire life with these fragmented answers.

Shen Que would appear somewhat impatient most of the time, but he would never hang up.

He would flip through the magazine in his hand absentmindedly while listening to the phone call; the rustling sound of the pages turning would occasionally transmit to the other end of the line, and Sheng Qixiao would consciously change the topic, proactively sharing new things he had recently learned with him.

At this point, Shen Que was much less impatient. His hand would occasionally pause as he quietly listened to him recount everything in detail.

Actually, he quite liked the way Sheng Qixiao babbled on to him; his voice being pleasant was one part, but more importantly, Sheng Qixiao proactively “reporting” made Shen Que feel a sense of being in control.

He couldn’t openly accept Sheng Qixiao’s concern; even though he had returned to the outside world, the mark Sheng Qixiao had left on him in E’yun Mountain couldn’t be erased so quickly.

His subconscious was telling him to refuse, but the deep-seated loneliness and vacillation in his heart prevented him from heartlessly drawing a line between them.

So, he could only be this way, awkwardly and passively allowing Sheng Qixiao’s penetration.

After leaving E’yun Mountain, his sleep had been far from restful. Fortunately, Sheng Qixiao was patient and gentle enough that the sound of his voice and breathing would accompany him to sleep, gradually easing all the anxiety and unease he felt through those daily calls.

That night, Shen Que finished getting ready early and lay in bed, waiting for a certain phone call as he usually did, though he deliberately pretended that he did not care much about it.

Time ticked by minute after minute. The phone screen would light up, then go dark, only for Shen Que to wake it again before pressing it dark once more.

Shen Que patiently waited for a few more seconds, then suddenly got up and threw off the covers.

Why should he wait here for an uncertain phone call?

Just then, the phone vibrated, Shen Que quickly picked it up, and then threw it away with pursed lips.

It wasn’t anyone’s phone call, but a message from his childhood friend: Wanna come out? I’m waiting for you at the usual spot.

During this time, Shen Que had found countless excuses to reject his childhood friend’s invitations countless times, but tonight, Shen Que leaped out of bed, grabbed his jacket, and slammed the door behind him.

The music was deafening, the laser lights swept wildly through the room, and the air was thick with the mingled scents of alcohol and hormones. Everything remained just as it had been before.

His childhood friend, with his new partner’s arm draped around him, gave him a hard slap on the shoulder when he saw him. “You rascal, I thought you were going to become a monk! You were impossible to get a hold of!”

“Bullshit.”

“Hey, seriously, I heard your old man is about to hand the company over to that illegitimate son, while your older brother is practically working himself to death. And you? You’re great, ignoring everything and still in the mood to come out and party.”

Shen Que’s hand holding the wine glass tightened, “What the hell, you always have something to say. Whether I show up or not, can’t you just shut your damn mouth for once?”

“Aiya, come on, I’m just concerned about you!” His childhood friend leaned closer, lowering his voice, “Where did you go some time ago? The circle is full of rumors, some say you offended someone and got kidnapped, others say you… went too far and were sent abroad to fend for yourself, what exactly happened?”

Shen Que carefully chewed on the word “Fend for yourself,” finding it quite apt, but showed nothing on his face, frowning as he pushed him away, “Stop prying, mind your own business, be careful you don’t get sent to Africa to mine one day.”

Shen Que leaned against the backrest, looking at the wildly gyrating crowd in the dance floor; those scenes that once made his blood boil now just felt noisy. He realized he was already completely unable to blend in.

His childhood friend was dissatisfied with his perfunctory answer and nudged him with an elbow, “Are you even my brother? You’re not saying anything.”

“It’s nothing,” Shen Que took a sip of wine, the spicy liquid burning down his throat and flowing into his heart, “I just went out to relax.”

He lit up his phone; the screen was completely blank, with no missed calls.

A feeling somewhere between disappointment and irritation rose within him, impossible to tell which was stronger. Shen Que sat for less than ten minutes before getting up to leave.

His childhood friend looked stunned, “Are you leaving already? It’s just getting started!”

Shen Que didn’t explain, walked through the noisy crowd, and left the bar. As the evening breeze gently blew, he finally felt that suffocating sense of gloom had somewhat dissipated.

It was only eleven o’clock when he got home, and Sheng Qixiao’s call came in just then.

“Are you asleep?”

“Yes, I am. I’m sleepwalking while answering your call.”

Sheng Qixiao was silent for a moment, “Are you unhappy?”

“Is that any of your business?”

“I encountered some tricky issues today, so I was late. Don’t be mad, Shen Que.”

“Who cares about you, don’t flatter yourself.”

Shen Que’s tone softened. Hearing Sheng Qixiao’s breathing, which was clearly heavier than usual, he still couldn’t resist asking in a harsh tone, “What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m fine, I just missed you a little. Did you miss me?”

“No.”

The other end of the phone fell silent, “I’m a little sad.”

Shen Que gripped his phone, instinctively wanting to offer comfort, but swallowed the words back before speaking.

The intense irritation and unease from the bar tonight swept over him again. The familiar world of the past had become noisy and strange, while the perpetrator of all these changes had become the harbor where he could find peace.

He couldn’t continue to indulge like this without understanding why; he needed an answer, an answer to why he had become this way.

“E’yun Mountain, did I go there more than once? Did we meet before? Was that person you mentioned before, the one you personally sent away, me?”

“Yes.” Sheng Qixiao answered quickly, with no intention of hiding anything, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask this question, for a long time.”

It was an expected answer. Shen Que’s heart slowly contracted for a moment, accompanied by a dense, throbbing ache.

He steadied himself, “Why? What exactly happened between us, your deal with my grandfather…”

“You will know later.”

It was that line again… Shen Que was already tired of hearing it, “Can’t you tell me now?”

“I’m afraid my narration will affect your judgment.” Sheng Qixiao seemed to have moved the phone away; his voice became quiet and deep, “I’m not telling you because I’m afraid you’ll be swayed by my emotions. If I said you once loved me deeply, would you believe it? Shen Que, you should recall that memory of yours yourself, rather than hearing a version embellished by me.”

He paused, then changed the subject, “However, there’s one thing I need to make clear: I wasn’t the one who placed the Gu on Shen Yi. I simply took advantage of the situation.”

The words coming from his mouth sounded particularly matter-of-fact.

Shen Que was almost driven to laughter by him, though the amusement quickly turned into anger, and he said sarcastically, “You’ve certainly learned your idioms well.”

“Thank you.” Sheng Qixiao accepted it openly.

“Then why were you willing to let me go?”

Sheng Qixiao chuckled lightly, “Ke Di said that when you’re in love, you shouldn’t be too clever. There are some things that, even if I know the truth, I shouldn’t spell everything out. I need to learn how to play dumb.”

“……”

“He said, it’s enough for one person to be smart, in a relationship. The other person just needs to give more tolerance and love. Shen Que, how am I doing with these things?”

The obvious desire for praise made Shen Que picture his slightly raised eyebrow, even though they were only talking over the phone.

He sneered without speaking, but his eyes were a little dry.

He had lived for over twenty years, people around him came and went, and for the first time, someone so completely and purely placed him first. His family had never been able to do that.

The atmosphere slowly fermented in silence. As if Sheng Qixiao suddenly remembered something, he spoke, “Why did Shen Yi call you ‘Little Fool’?”

Shen Que paused, stunned, “After my mother passed away, I didn’t speak for a long time. They all thought the trauma had made me stupid. Grandpa hired a master who said I needed to change to a ‘humble’ name to offset it and get better.”

“It seems your grandfather has always been quite superstitious about people claiming to be masters.”

Shen Que nodded, not caring if Sheng Qixiao could see it. Mentioning his family, his mood suddenly dropped, “My mother’s death anniversary is coming up soon. I used to think there would be so many people who loved me, but in the end, there’s no one. The old man and Shen Yi both love other things more than they love me.”

He didn’t know why he was telling Sheng Qixiao all this. Perhaps he wanted some comfort, perhaps he felt he could rely on him, perhaps…

“There is, Shen Que,” Sheng Qixiao’s voice was firm and serious, “I love you.”

Shen Que didn’t speak; he had fallen asleep.

Just like that, with the phone still in his hand and Sheng Qixiao’s breathing in his ear, he slowly drifted into a deep sleep.

He had a very long dream.

In the dream, he returned to his childhood garden.

His mother was still young, holding him in her arms as she gently swayed with his little body on the swing. Sunlight bathed them both, warm and comforting.

His mother’s voice was distant and blurred, but the warmth of her palm was very close. She pinched his cheek, gently saying, “Xiao Que, you must remember, no matter what happens, we must believe in love.”

He shed tears in the dream. His young figure was saying words polished by growth, “But Mom, what if love is built upon betrayal and hurt? What if love itself begins with a transaction?”

His mother didn’t answer and just looked at him tenderly. Her figure gradually became transparent in the sunlight before finally turning into countless glowing butterflies, which then reassembled into a person.

Sheng Qixiao was wearing dark Miao ethnic clothing with two shallow dimples appearing on his cheeks. Sunlight cast a golden glow in his eyes. He said, “I love you.”

Shen Que jolted awake, needing a long while to calm his breathing. His face was wet, and when he wiped it with his hand, his palm was covered in tears.

The phone rested quietly beside him, its screen still glowing; the call was still connected. On the other end, Sheng Qixiao’s breathing remained steady and even.

Shen Que’s emotions calmed down, “Sheng Qixiao, actually, I don’t dislike you that much either.”

On the anniversary of Shen Que’s mother’s death, the sky was a dull gray with clouds roaming in groups overhead.

The cemetery was deserted, only the wind passing through the surrounding woods made a whining sound.

Shen Que stood in front of his mother’s tombstone for a long time. On the cold stone, the woman in the photo smiled more gently than in his dream, her eyes full of love.

“Mom,” Shen Que spoke softly as if seeking an answer, “There is someone who says he loves me very much. But he cannot come into my world, yet I cannot be trapped there forever either. I think I might actually like him a little, but I hate him too… Everything that happened to me, Grandpa, and Gege is because of him… What am I supposed to do?”

Behind him, the sound of footsteps grew gradually closer, coming from a distance.

Shen Que did not turn around; the unhurried footsteps of leather shoes on the gravel road already revealed the identity of the person approaching.

It was Shen Yi.

He was wearing a perfectly pressed suit with his hair neatly combed, he looked significantly better than the last time Shen Que saw him, showing no sign of the fragility of someone recently recovered from a serious illness. His eyes held the fatigue of a long-haul flight, yet they still couldn’t mask his cold, sharp demeanor.

He seemed somewhat out of place in this solemn and sorrowful environment.

Shen Que didn’t want to see him, much less talk to him. He bent down and patted the white chrysanthemums placed in front of the tombstone, “Mom, I’ll visit you again next time.”

After speaking, he straightened up and turned to leave.

“Stop.” Shen Yi’s voice came from behind, “We haven’t seen each other in so long, and this is your attitude?”

Shen Que paused. He slowly turned around, his face devoid of expression, but his eyes held undisguised coldness, “Then what attitude do you expect? For me to be tearfully grateful? To thank you and Grandpa for being willing to exchange me for your life, and to thank you for letting me make a contribution to the Shen family?”

Shen Yi’s face instantly turned unpleasant, “You know I don’t mean that.”

Shen Que turned his face away, unsure what to say; nothing good was bubbling up to his lips.

“Go home and visit when you have time. Grandpa misses you very much.” Shen Yi said.

“Is he trying to see if I still have value for a second use?”

Shen Que didn’t look at his face again, turned around, and strode out.

The rain that had been held back all day finally began to fall in a drizzle.

Fine raindrops dampened Shen Que’s hair and cheeks, mixing with a certain warm liquid flowing from his eyes, indistinguishable from one another.

The phone in his pocket vibrated. Shen Que numbly took it out; it was a WeChat message.

From an account with no saved name.

I am Sheng Qixiao: Shen Que, don’t T_T.

A few days ago, Sheng Qixiao learned to use WeChat, created a new number and added Shen Que as a friend, but hadn’t spoken until now.

This was their first message.

Sheng Qixiao could not use Pinyin, so this message was most likely handwritten. He couldn’t write the character for ‘cry’, so he used a crying emoji instead.

Looking at the round little yellow face, Shen Que’s heart melted into a mess.

He stood in the rain while looking at the message, and suddenly could no longer hold back, squatting down and burying his face deep into his arms.

Half a month went by like this, and Shen Que had gradually grown accustomed to his daily phone calls with Sheng Qixiao.

At first, Shen Que would simply listen to him talk, but as time went by, he began occasionally voicing a few complaints and even taking the initiative to ask about how Sheng Qixiao had been doing lately. He didn’t know how long such days could last, but he had long been uncontrollably addicted.

Until this day, Shen Que waited very late but did not receive Sheng Qixiao’s call at all.

The impatience of a broken habit, mixed with a feeling akin to worry, made Shen Que dig out the number, which had no note but was deeply ingrained in his memory, and proactively called him.

After a long busy tone, there was a reminder that the call was unanswered.

He immediately called a second time, and a third time…

The phone was finally picked up.

The sound from the other end was not Sheng Qixiao’s voice, but a chaotic and noisy background sound, like wind, or perhaps many people talking in low voices.

A few seconds later, Sheng Qixiao’s voice finally sounded, “Hello, is that Shen Que?” His voice sounded a bit distant and urgent, “Did you miss me?”

He didn’t even wait for Shen Que’s reply, “Tomorrow… I might not be able to answer your call.”

Shen Que took a breath and asked, “Are you going back?”

“En.” Sheng Qixiao responded.

He never told Shen Que that every day after nightfall, he would travel through more than ten kilometers of underground caves, making his way to this small building in the outer stockade, all just to wait for Shen Que to answer his call.

Even though Shen Que rarely replied to him seriously, and even though there were still few completely pleasant conversations between the two of them, he just waited like this as if it was fate, he was meant to wait for Shen Que.

Waiting for him to appear, waiting for him to reunite with himself again, waiting for his love, waiting for him to completely return to his side.

“Shen Que, if I can’t answer your calls for a long time, will you miss me?”

“No.”

“…What about forever?”

“Never, even forever.” Shen Que heard his own voice turn cold, like a double-edged sword that first pierced Sheng Qixiao, only to turn around and wound him as well.

He actually wanted to ask him, would he come out again?

But the question was too difficult to ask; he couldn’t get it out, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to hear an affirmative or a negative answer.

So, he could only steel his heart and build a wall for himself that he only thought was safe.

He thought that perhaps the best ending for both of them would be for Sheng Qixiao to never come out again, to stop tempting him, and for the two of them to return to the lives they had before.

Then, he heard Sheng Qixiao sigh very softly, making it hard to tell if it was resignation or relief.

“I understand.” Sheng Qixiao glanced back at the people behind him who were urging him forward. The night wind tousled his hair, making his vision hazy. “Goodbye.”

Beep, beep, beep…

Then the sound of the call disconnecting came through. Shen Que was still holding the phone, not having fully processed it.

This was the first time Sheng Qixiao had hung up on him, the first time he had proactively severed contact with him.

This feeling was not pleasant, Shen Que frowned.