DIHBSG chapter 10

At this moment, a servant came in from outside the door. “Your Highness the Prince Xian, it is already past the Hour of Hai.”¹Hour of Hai (亥时) :9:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.

The Hour of Hai!!!

Song Jian jerked upright.

He was going to be late for work!!

Prince Xian nodded indifferently and said to him, “Didn’t you always want the copy of the ‘Changting Tie’ that I wrote? I’ll reward you with it today.”

Prince Xian dug a piece of calligraphy out of the desk that looked like a garbage heap. “Mount it yourself. I don’t have that kind of free time.”

Song Jian wanted to throw the hideously ugly calligraphy straight into Prince Xian’s face, but he was afraid Prince Xian would notice something was wrong with him, and that he wouldn’t make it out of this place alive.

Holding the paper, he stood up. “This subordinate understands. Goodbye.”

As he spoke, he turned to run.

Damn it. Hopefully they wouldn’t deduct his perfect attendance bonus.

But after taking only one step, he was stopped again. Seeing him crumpling the calligraphy in his hand, Prince Xian said unhappily, “Are you pretending not to care to attract this Prince’s attention?”

I %￥&……&****

Song Jian cursed a whole string of profanities in his heart.

Why the hell are you called Prince Xian? You should be called the Greasy Prince instead.

Under the Greasy Prince’s oppressive gaze, he obediently took out the ugly calligraphy, tucked it properly into his robe, then looked at him.

His eyes said only one sentence:

Satisfied now? If not, then gouge your own eyes out.

Prince Xian nodded: “You may go.”

Then he added one more sentence.

“Song Jian, you know this Prince’s methods. You cannot bear the consequences of angering this Prince.”

There he goes again with that slogan.

But Song Jian was in a hurry to return to the palace for work and had no intention of getting tangled up with him any longer.

“I know, I know. Your Highness is wise.”

After leaving Prince Xian’s residence, Song Jian didn’t even have time to visit Tang Lai. He hurriedly lowered his head and ran toward the imperial palace.

After much difficulty, he finally returned to Yanning Palace, only to find that the atmosphere here seemed rather off.

Why were there so many people in the palace courtyard???

Before he had taken two steps, he was seized by an Imperial Guard beside him.

Holy shit????

The leader respectfully extended a hand.

“Lord Song, this way please.”

Song Jian’s eyes widened in horror.

“To where?”

The other party spoke two words.

“The imperial prison.”

Half an hour later, Song Jian clutched the wooden bars of the cell door as two streams of tears rolled down his face.

“T_T”

Damn it.

This was too absurd.

He rested his forehead against the wooden bars, feeling as though even the wind blowing through the passageway carried the tune of ‘Tears Behind Iron Bars.’²Tears Behind Iron Bars (《铁窗泪》) is a well-known Chinese prison song that has become a popular internet meme. Its lyrics lament life behind bars, so it’s often referenced jokingly whenever someone ends up imprisoned or in a miserable predicament.

After who knew how long, movement came from outside. Before long, the commander of the Imperial Guards who had brought him in appeared again.

His tone was polite and friendly.

“Lord Song, please confess on your own. In half an hour, I must report to His Majesty.”

Two teardrops still hung on Song Jian’s face.

“Confess to what?”

The other man said nothing.

Song Jian wiped away his tears and handed over the two bags of rice beside him.

“I bought these for Imperial Physician Mao today. Imperial Physician Mao wouldn’t accept them. He said the Mao family has been honest and upright for generations and doesn’t accept bribes.”

The Imperial Guard commander took them, opened them for a look, confirmed they really contained rice, then wrapped them back up and put them away.

Song Jian fumbled inside his robe again and took out Prince Xian’s ugly calligraphy.

“Prince Xian forcibly dragged me over and insisted on giving this to me. He told me to have it mounted. I think it’s too ugly, so I don’t want to.”

The Imperial Guard commander unfolded it and took one glance.

“…”

He immediately folded it back up after being assaulted by its ugliness.

Song Jian continued rummaging and pulled out a pellet drum.

“I bought this on the street today.”

He sniffed.

“It’s actually pretty fun.”

Then there was a storybook.

“I bought it to read while standing night watch tonight. Haven’t read it yet.”

Half a sesame flatbread.

“This flatbread was left over from last night’s watch duty.”

Two sheets of paper.

“Chang Ying’s duty roster, and the map he drew for me.”

Dig.

Dig.

Song Jian wiped the tears from his cheeks.

“That’s all.”

The Imperial Guard commander was a straightforward man.

“His Majesty gave you half an hour. Please think a little more.”

Song Jian nearly went bald from thinking and could only come up with tiny, sesame-seed-sized matters.

“Last night while standing watch, I secretly slept for a while after His Majesty fell asleep.”

“The day before yesterday… the day before yesterday I secretly… secretly picked a flower outside the Imperial Study.”

A prison guard sat nearby, writing everything down as he listened.

Song Jian swallowed.

“Before… when His Majesty called for me, I… I pretended not to hear.”

Imperial Guard commander: “…”

Prison guard: “…”

In the end, Song Jian truly had nothing left to say.

Sadly, a few more tears fell from his eyes.

Finally, he remembered one important matter.

“Prince Xian said everything inside the palace had already been arranged, and that things should proceed according to the plan.”

Imperial Guard commander: “Do you know what it was?”

Song Jian shook his head.

The prison guard recorded it word for word.

The Imperial Guard commander stood before him like a mountain, absolutely refusing to leave before the very last second.

Song Jian’s stomach growled.

Before long, a prison guard brought him a bowl of food.

Holding the bowl and looking at the food without even a trace of oil, his heart hurt even more.

“Holding cornbread in my hands~”

“Not a single drop of oil in the dishes~”

The prison guard couldn’t bear it.

“Lord Song, this is just how the imperial prison is. Please endure it.”

Finally, the allotted time was up.

The Imperial Guard commander, Zhen Fang, completed his task and left the imperial prison.

Inside Yanning Palace.

Xiao Yinghuai looked at the pile of miscellaneous junk before him and raised an eyebrow.

“This is what he confessed?”

Zhen Fang replied, “Reporting to Your Majesty, yes.”

Xiao Yinghuai looked at the confession again.

“Anything else unusual?”

Zhen Fang thought for a moment.

“Yes.”

Xiao Yinghuai hummed in acknowledgment.

Zhen Fang said,

“Holding cornbread in my hands~”

“Not a single drop of oil in the dishes~”

Xiao Yinghuai: “???”

With a face as solemn as peace and prosperity itself, Zhen Fang said seriously,

“Lord Song sang this song. This subordinate believes it is highly likely to be a secret code used to communicate with the rebels.”

Xiao Yinghuai fell silent for a moment before reaching a conclusion.

“He’s hungry.”

Zhen Fang: “…”

Song Jian truly was hungry.

With this much physical activity every day, one piece of cornbread wasn’t even enough to fill the gaps in his teeth.

Holding his stomach, he waited for death and asked the prison guard,

“Brother Guard, am I going to be beheaded after autumn?”

The prison guard thought for a moment.

“After autumn would be too late. This afternoon is more likely. If prisoners here are to be executed, it’ll probably be within the next day or two.”

Song Jian choked.

Tears streamed across his face.

He was probably the transmigrator with the shortest survival time of them all.

This morning in the Tiancha Division, he had joked about dying tomorrow.

Well, now he really was going to die.

Song Jian asked, “Will I be beheaded directly, or will I be tortured first?”

The prison guard answered while writing,

“Without His Majesty’s decree, no torture will be carried out. We are a proper prison.”

Song Jian said, “I heard that the imperial prison only holds major criminals. Is it true that people smear feces on prisoners’ mouths?”

Prison guard: “…”

“Where did you hear that?”

Song Jian shook his head.

He thought to himself, From movies.

Prison guard: “You should get some rest early. This humble one won’t disturb you anymore.”

Song Jian looked back at his straw mat.

He felt like he could be rolled up in it and tossed away as a corpse.

Curling up in the corner, he looked at the tiny window high above and couldn’t help singing two more lines.

“A sign two feet eight hangs around my neck~”

“They parade me through every street and alley~”

As Song Jian shed tears and mourned the passing of spring and autumn, someone suddenly knocked on the door again.

“Lord Song, your midnight snack.”

Song Jian froze.

“What midnight snack?”

“Four dishes, one soup, and half a pork knuckle. If you’d like wine, I’ll have the brothers bring another bowl.”

Looking at the lavish meal, Song Jian closed his eyes.

It was over.

This was his last meal before execution.

“No need for the wine.”

College students who had just come of age still weren’t very good at drinking.

“Hurry and eat, Lord Song. If it’s not enough, there’s more.”

Song Jian sat cross-legged on the floor, gnawing on the pork knuckle and eating the cold side dishes.

He thought, Since it’s my last meal anyway, it’d be nice if there were hot pot.

“miamiamiamiamia~”

Song Jian thought he would be paraded through the streets the next day before being taken to the execution ground.

Unexpectedly, nobody paid any attention to him at all.

Instead, the prison guards brought him meals several times, each one more lavish and different from the last.

He couldn’t figure out what it all meant. After thinking about it for a day, he gave up.

Whenever he wasn’t eating, he played with the dry straw on the ground, weaving little straw figures and dividing them into left and right factions before arranging them in battle formations.

When food arrived, he ate, finishing everything cleanly while casually making wishes for what he wanted to eat next time.

The prison guards carefully wrote everything down and generally fulfilled his requests.

On the third day after entering the imperial prison, Song Jian had already pulled up all the dry straw from the ground.

Three or four neat rows of little straw figures were lined up across the floor.

Song Jian had no idea that his leisurely days of good food and drink were about to come to an end.

Because during court that day, Tang Lai explained what had happened that night and spoke a basketful of good words on his behalf, each one moving and heartfelt.

After court ended, Imperial Physician Mao also specifically went to find Gong Defu and repeated everything, telling him he absolutely had to relay it before His Majesty.

Gong Defu nodded repeatedly.

As for his private meeting with Prince Xian, Xiao Yinghuai gave no instructions at all.

He merely waved a hand and had Gong Defu go deliver the imperial decree.

When Song Jian received the news that he could leave prison, he was gnawing on a large marrow bone.

He hadn’t even had the chance to take a sip of the Fresh Hibiscus Vegetable Soup.

Looking at the fair, plump man, Gong Defu said,

“Lord Song, please come out quickly. Lord Chang Ying and the others are already waiting outside, and Imperial Physician Mao has come as well.”

Song Jian looked reluctantly at the fruits of his labor over the past few days.

“Can I take these straw figures back with me?”

Gong Defu gestured to the prison guards, and someone immediately stepped forward to pack them up for him.

Song Jian then looked at the unfinished meal.

“And this food…”

Gong Defu said, “Take it all.”

Song Jian broke into a pure smile.

“Eunuch Defu, you’re such a good person.”

How would Gong Defu dare claim the credit?

He hurriedly said, “It was all His Majesty’s decree. If Lord Song wishes to thank someone, thank His Majesty.”

Song Jian nodded.

Before leaving, he looked back at the little cell he had lived in.

For some reason, he even felt a little reluctant to leave.

Damn it.

The food here was so delicious.

He didn’t have to work or get scolded.

There was no better place to stay than this.

Gong Defu led him out of the gloomy imperial prison.

Chang Ying, Long Xiao, and the others, who had been waiting outside, immediately came over.

Chang Ying cried, “My lord, you’ve gotten so—”

His mouth froze halfway open.

Looking at the person before him, he simply couldn’t bring himself to say the word “thin.”

Awkwardly, Chang Ying swallowed the rest of his words.

Imperial Physician Mao had originally intended to come over and take Song Jian’s pulse.

Now he gave up.

Because Song Jian’s face was rosy and he was fair and plump.

He actually looked healthier than before entering the imperial prison.

Song Jian said embarrassedly,

“I’ve made everyone worry.”

Then he turned to the prison guards and asked for his belongings.

The prison guards respectfully presented them.

Everyone standing nearby: “…”

Those who knew understood he had been sent to the imperial prison.

Those who didn’t know would think he had gone on vacation.

How was he leaving with both food and souvenirs?

Song Jian: “OvO”

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• 1
  Hour of Hai (亥时) :9:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.
• 2
  Tears Behind Iron Bars (《铁窗泪》) is a well-known Chinese prison song that has become a popular internet meme. Its lyrics lament life behind bars, so it’s often referenced jokingly whenever someone ends up imprisoned or in a miserable predicament.