DIHBSG chapter 9

Those six words were shouted, every syllable filled with grief. The person before him trembled slightly with agitation, his fair face pale and his eyes slightly reddened.

Xiao Yinghuai said flatly, “You and Lord Gao do seem to be of one mind.”

Song Jian sniffed and said blankly, “Lord Gao isn’t my second brother.”¹Xiao Yinghuai says “bù móu ér hé” (不谋而合), an idiom meaning “to be of one mind” or “to coincide without prior consultation.” Song Jian somehow mishears the ending as something sounding like “my second brother” (我二哥) “wǒ èrgē” and innocently replies that Lord Gao isn’t his second brother.

Xiao Yinghuai: “??”

Song Jian blinked in confusion.

Xiao Yinghuai closed his eyes.

How could someone mishear things to this extent?

“Never mind.” Xiao Yinghuai strolled to the window and stood with his hands behind his back, quietly looking at the scenery outside. “Loyalty and treachery, good and evil, cannot be determined by your words alone. Since Lord Song says so, then prove it to me.”

Prove it?

How was he supposed to prove it?

Song Jian paused and swallowed. “Your Majesty, isn’t it the rule of the jianghu that whoever makes the claim has to provide the evidence?”

Xiao Yinghuai completely shut his eyes.

Only after a long while did he force out two words through gritted teeth.

“Song Jian.”

It took him a long time to suppress the anger lodged in his chest. Looking over with icy eyes, he said, “I don’t have much patience. If you cannot dispel my suspicions within seven days, I will personally cut off your head.”

Song Jian shuddered all over.

Shiver, shiver, shiver.

Xiao Yinghuai withdrew his gaze and lowered his eyes, gently rubbing the thin calluses on his fingers.

“Get out.”

Song Jian’s legs went weak as he stood up. He had barely taken one step before he stumbled, nearly falling over. He hurriedly made his way outside.

“Stop.”

Song Jian stiffly turned around. “Y-You’re chopping it off now?”

Xiao Yinghuai was already standing before him. The man was tall and imposing, pressing down on him like a mountain, his sharp gaze scraping across Song Jian’s face.

After staring for a long time, Xiao Yinghuai reached out and leisurely tucked the strands of hair beside his cheek back into place.

“Next time, don’t put on such a pitiful appearance to win my sympathy. Swords have no eyes.”

Song Jian: “?”

What was that?

After coming out of the imperial study, Gong Defu immediately came forward. “Take care on your way out, Lord Song.”

Song Jian hurried away.

Gong Defu then went inside. As he brewed tea for the emperor, he said, “Your Majesty, Prince Xian has returned to the capital.”

Xiao Yinghuai responded with a sound of acknowledgment, then fell silent.

Only when Gong Defu thought the emperor would say nothing more did he finally toss out four more words:

“Keep an eye on Song Jian.”

Meanwhile, after returning to the Tiancha Division, Song Jian dragged himself into the dining hall listlessly. He weakly slumped over the table by the window, painfully pondering how he was supposed to prove that he was a good person.

The cook was hiding behind the front counter reading a storybook. Hearing movement, he poked his head out for a look.

After hesitating for a long time, he said, “Lord Song, there’s no food at this hour.”

Song Jian let out a weak “Hmph.”

Cook: “But there are sunflower seeds.”

Song Jian had cracked so many sunflower seeds yesterday that his mouth was practically ruined. Now he couldn’t even bear to hear the words “sunflower seeds.” He waved a hand. “Do your thing.”

Receiving his orders, the cook shrank back behind the counter and continued reading his storybook.

“Hehe… hehehehehehe… hmhm hehehehehehe…”

Song Jian, lying on the table: “……”

At some point, Long Ying appeared, hanging upside down outside the window with his arms crossed, swaying back and forth. “What’s going on, my lord? What did His Majesty say?”

Song Jian slowly raised one finger and pointed toward the sky.

“A new storm has already appeared. How can we stop moving forward?”

Long Ying stopped swaying.

“His Majesty’s pretty fired up.”

Song Jian raised his head. “?” Is your emperor white phosphorus or something?

Long Ying flipped in through the window and sat across from him. “My lord, do you know everyone’s saying inside and outside the palace that Imperial Physician Mao encountered something evil last night? Some say he really ran into something unclean, but most people are saying you dressed up as a ghost to scare him.”

Song Jian fell silent.

“So in Great Yan, people don’t bear any legal responsibility for spreading rumors?”

First the damn dog emperor slandered him for murdering an important court official, and now so many people were slandering him for dressing up as a ghost to scare an imperial physician. Why was he so busy?

Long Ying sighed. “Can’t be helped, my lord. These days, rumors spread with just one mouth, but debunking them runs your legs off. I understand you.”

Song Jian thought, wasn’t that exactly it? Debunking rumors really did run your legs off. That damned dog emperor was so suspicious. He would grab him over every little baseless rumor and demand that he prove himself.

Absentmindedly picking at a splinter in the table, he said, “I’ll deal with clearing up the rumors tomorrow. If I’m lucky, I’ll die tomorrow, and then I won’t have to clear them up.”

Behead him after seven days? No chance. He’d die tomorrow.

Long Ying was shaken by his clear-headedness and broad-mindedness.

Song Jian clenched a fist. “My fate is determined by me, not by heaven.”

At some point, the cook had also come over and started clapping enthusiastically for him.

Song Jian casually asked, “What storybook were you reading just now? Was it that funny?”

The cook squirmed bashfully.

Song Jian: “o.O?”

In his rough voice, the cook slowly explained, “The Domineering Prince Fell in Love with Me.”

Song Jian: “?????”

What the hell? You people in ancient times were into this kind of cheesy fiction too??

Cook: “If Lord Song wants to read it, after I finish it, I can lend it to you first.”

“First?”

Cook: “There are thirty-eight people ahead of you.”

Song Jian was quiet for a while. “No need. Let’s be civilized and line up. I’ll start with myself.”

The cook applauded enthusiastically again.

That afternoon, Song Jian went to the Imperial Medical Bureau to ask about Imperial Physician Mao’s condition. He had no idea what exactly people were saying outside, but everyone in the Imperial Medical Bureau looked at him as if they’d seen a ghost.

Only one imperial physician seriously explained everything to him, saying there was nothing serious and that he didn’t need to worry.

Song Jian stopped in his tracks and asked for that imperial physician’s name before leaving.

It was the same imperial physician who had prescribed medicine for him before. Embarrassed, he said, “Replying to Lord Song, this humble one is Zhu Di.”

What a Judy. Even more foreign-sounding than Maori.

Song Jian cupped his hands. “Many thanks, Imperial Physician Zhu.”

How could Imperial Physician Zhu possibly accept Song Jian’s salute? He quickly walked over to support his hands and earnestly advised, “Lord Song, you must pay more attention to your health in the future. And remember, every medicine has some toxicity. No matter how hungry you are, you absolutely must not treat medicine as food.”

Song Jian: “……”

Okay, Judy.

Let’s all thank Judy.

After leaving the Imperial Medical Bureau, Song Jian thought it over again and again. No matter how he looked at it, he felt he should visit Tang Lai and Imperial Physician Mao. Whether he had harmed them or not, this matter was connected to him in one way or another.

He immediately left the palace, bought two bags of rice on the street, then carried the paper-wrapped bundles to Imperial Physician Mao’s residence.

Imperial Physician Mao lived in Jifu Alley. After Long Ying told him where it was, he was worried Song Jian wouldn’t be able to find it, so he had even drawn him a map. Song Jian followed the map all the way there.

The Mao residence was built in a simple and elegant style, with the refined air of a family of physicians. He gently knocked on the door, and before long a servant came to answer it.

“Who ya lookin’ fo’?”

Song Jian: “?”

The servant spoke in some kind of dialect and asked again, “Who ya lookin’ fo’?”

Song Jian was silent for a moment. “Song Jian of the Tiancha Division. I’m here to see Imperial Physician Mao. Please inform him.”

The servant immediately understood. “Yer lookin’ fer Lord Kitty!”²The servant speaks in a heavy regional dialect, pronouncing Mao (毛) much like Mao/Cat (猫). As a result, Physician Mao (毛太医) becomes “Lord Kitty” (猫猫大人)

Song Jian immediately corrected things in his head and nodded. “That’s right, Lord Kitty!”

The servant turned and hurried back inside, shouting as he ran, “Lord Kitty! Lord Kitty!”

Song Jian only waited a short while before the servant came back to invite him in. Carrying the bags of rice, he followed him to the doorway of Imperial Physician Mao’s bedroom.

After gently pushing the door open, Song Jian froze.

“……”

Imperial Physician Mao’s room was actually a gigantic Tiancha Division fan shrine.

Song Jian’s gaze swept across the “Tiancha Division 32:1” plaque on the table, as well as the dozen or so wooden carvings of shadow guards dressed in black-and-gold robes embroidered with three-clawed pythons. The one leading them was obviously him.

The walls were covered with all sorts of things. At a glance, Song Jian spotted the hidden weapon Imperial Physician Mao had taken away after taking his pulse at the Tiancha Division last time.

W-What incredible dedication.

Imperial Physician Mao coughed lightly as he sat up on the bed. “Lord Song has honored this old man with a visit. That I cannot personally receive you is truly discourteous.”

Song Jian hurried over and helped him lie back down. “Not discourteous at all, not discourteous at all. You should hurry and lie down. I just came to take a look.”

Once Imperial Physician Mao had lain back down, Song Jian quickly took out the rice he had bought. But before he could even speak, Imperial Physician Mao was so startled that he immediately sat bolt upright again.

“Absolutely not!”

Song Jian: “Huh?”

Imperial Physician Mao waved his hand. “Our Mao family has remained upright and honest for generations. Accepting bribes goes against our ancestral teachings. This old man appreciates Lord Song’s kindness, but I absolutely cannot keep these gifts.”

Holding the two bags of rice, Song Jian thought for a moment. He couldn’t ask Imperial Physician Mao to do something that violated his ancestors’ teachings, so he had no choice but to put them away again.

“Then next time I’ll bring you two hidden weapons.”

Imperial Physician Mao cupped his hands. “Many thanks, my lord.”

Song Jian did not stay long. He was afraid the dog emperor in the palace would slander him for forming a clique again, so after exchanging a few words, he left.

Before he left, Imperial Physician Mao said, “My lord need not concern yourself with the rumors outside. As long as this old man is here, I will certainly restore your good name.”

Song Jian thanked Imperial Physician Mao and planned to take a detour to visit Lord Tang. Unexpectedly, before he had even walked out of Jifu Alley, someone threw a sack over his head and carried him off.

The people who abducted him probably hadn’t expected him to be so easy to kidnap. They hesitated in place for several seconds before whispering to each other.

“Did we grab the wrong guy? Why’s he so weak?”

The person beside him: “Hiss~~~~~”

Song Jian: “……”

What the fuck?

When he regained consciousness, he was inside the Warm Chamber, leaning against the corner while hugging his two bags of rice.

Before he even opened his eyes, he heard someone talking about him.

“How can he sleep this much? Did he die from being sleepy in his last life?”

Heh, you know it.

He slowly woke up and deliberately coughed. The speaker jumped in fright, then hurriedly ran out after recovering. Song Jian guessed he had gone to call someone.

Sure enough, before long, a series of footsteps sounded outside the Warm Chamber.

With a creak, the door opened, and Song Jian saw a pair of shoes.

Higher up was a duck-shit green robe. Higher still…

“Song Jian, you’ve done very well,” the person before him said.

Huh?

What had he done?

Song Jian looked up and saw the man’s face. A man…? He shouldn’t be very old. He didn’t know him. Not as handsome as the dog emperor.

“Prince Heng is foolish, and Ji Mingyi even more so. The only one who understands how to protect himself wisely is you.”

Hehe, who are you talking about?

The other two only slapped me once each, but you went straight for the Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms.³The Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms is a famous and immensely powerful martial arts technique from Jin Yong’s wuxia novels. Here it’s used humorously to exaggerate that someone hit far harder than everyone else.

“Only someone like you is worthy of working for this prince. I’ll take care of Lord Tang and Imperial Physician Mao for you.”

Song Jian paused. When had he ever said he wanted to change employers?

“I have already made all the arrangements within the palace. As long as we act according to our plan, the empire of Great Yan will be ours for the taking.”

“Song Jian, from this moment on, you must always remember your identity. You belong to this prince.”

Song Jian: “……”

…

Hiss.

Wait.

Putting it that way…

He really does seem to be a traitor?

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• 1
  Xiao Yinghuai says “bù móu ér hé” (不谋而合), an idiom meaning “to be of one mind” or “to coincide without prior consultation.” Song Jian somehow mishears the ending as something sounding like “my second brother” (我二哥) “wǒ èrgē” and innocently replies that Lord Gao isn’t his second brother.
• 2
  The servant speaks in a heavy regional dialect, pronouncing Mao (毛) much like Mao/Cat (猫). As a result, Physician Mao (毛太医) becomes “Lord Kitty” (猫猫大人)
• 3
  The Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms is a famous and immensely powerful martial arts technique from Jin Yong’s wuxia novels. Here it’s used humorously to exaggerate that someone hit far harder than everyone else.