DIHBSG chapter 8

The little old man shot out of the crowd with a whoosh, crouched beside Tang Lai, and gave him a quick examination. In less than two seconds, he reached a conclusion.

“Lord Tang has a fish ball stuck in his throat!”

The first words that flashed through Song Jian’s mind were: Heimlich maneuver!

Imperial Physician Mao clearly had plenty of experience with this sort of thing. Before Song Jian could say anything, he declared, “I’ll do it!”

As he spoke, the little old man started warming up. Left leg stretch, right leg stretch, loosened his waist, shook out his arms, then took a huge stride forward and wrapped his arms around Tang Lai from behind, pressing both hands precisely between his navel and ribs.

“Hup!”

“Hup!”

“Hup!”

…

“Heave-ho!”

Finally, Tang Lai let out a choking cough, and the fish ball shot out of his throat like a hidden weapon. It struck something with a ‘thud’ before falling to the ground.

The surrounding crowd erupted into loud cheers and applause.

“Wonderful! Wonderful!”

“He’s alive! He’s alive!”

“A miracle doctor!”

Tang Lai weakly opened his eyes and was helped over to sit at the side.

Song Jian said, “It’s all thanks to you, Imperial Physician Mao!”

Imperial Physician Mao waved his hand. “Just a small effort. Lord Song needn’t thank me.”

At that moment, Song Jian felt that Imperial Physician Mao was shining with dazzling light.

After quite a while, the light still hadn’t faded. Only then did Song Jian realize that it was because Imperial Physician Mao happened to be standing in front of a large lantern.

He quickly shifted his position, then remembered Imperial Physician Mao’s self-introduction earlier. Unable to hold himself back, he asked, “Imperial Physician Mao, there’s something I’d like to ask, though I’m not sure if I should.”

Imperial Physician Mao replied, “Please, go ahead.”

Song Jian asked, “Your given name wouldn’t happen to be… Mao Li?”

Imperial Physician Mao’s eyes widened. “Lord Song actually remembers this old man’s name.”

Song Jian: “…”

Damn.

“Your name sounds rather… exotic.”¹毛利 is pronounced Máolì in Chinese, but the same characters are read Māori in Japanese. Hearing the name, Song Jian immediately thinks of the Japanese reading, so he jokes that it sounds “exotic.”

Specifically, Japanese.

Lord Tang had just taken a trip through the gates of hell and was still badly shaken. Song Jian couldn’t continue asking any more questions.

He paid for the noodles, then after Tang Lai had rested and recovered a bit, helped him leave Zuixian Tower and hired a carriage to take him back to his residence.

Meanwhile, Imperial Physician Mao had already left.

As he walked along the road, he kept wondering how Lord Song of the Tiancha Division had ended up together with Lord Tang of the Ministry of Personnel. Could it have been His Majesty’s order?

But why would His Majesty have Lord Song meet with Lord Tang late at night in Zuixian Tower?

Could it be…

As he walked, his thoughts wandered aimlessly, until the watchman’s call reached his ears.

“Dong!—Dong!”

“Dong!—Dong!”

“Dong!—Dong!”

“The weather is dry! Beware of fires!”

It was the first night watch, meaning the Hour of Xu had already passed.

Imperial Physician Mao shook his head and quickened his pace home.

Who knew how much time had passed before his footsteps gradually slowed as something caught the corner of his eye.

He turned his head and realized he had arrived in front of the Tang residence.

What was terrifying was that white mourning streamers and funeral drapes had actually been hung outside the Tang residence. A servant was wailing at the entrance:

“Master—!”

Imperial Physician Mao: “???”

Even stranger, when Imperial Physician Mao turned around, he saw Tang Lai just stepping down from a carriage.

Tang Lai’s face was pale as he bared a friendly smile at Imperial Physician Mao.

“Imperial Physician Mao, today…”

Imperial Physician Mao screamed, “A ghost!!”

Then his eyes rolled back, and he fainted on the spot.

—

Meanwhile, inside the palace, one of the shadow guards followed Song Jian after he left Zuixian Tower and arrived first at the imperial study.

He reported every detail of Song Jian’s movements that evening, word for word, without omitting a single thing.

Xiao Yinghuai didn’t even raise his head.

“You said that while waiting outside the Meridian Gate, he mistook Tang Lai for Gao Kaiji?”

The shadow guard replied, “Yes.”

Xiao Yinghuai picked up his brush and wrote something on the paper.

Only after quite a while did he say again,

“And then he merely treated Tang Lai to a bowl of noodles.”

The shadow guard corrected him.

“Reporting to Your Majesty, it was Master’s Hand-Pulled Super Delicious Fish Soup Noodles.”

Xiao Yinghuai: “?”

How delicious could they possibly be?

He asked again, “The noodles were poisoned?”

The shadow guard replied, “Lord Tang shouted that before he fainted, but later Imperial Physician Mao appeared.”

“The diagnosis was… choking on a fish ball.”

—

The next day, at the Hour of Mao²Mao (卯时): 5:00 a.m. – 7:00 a.m., outside the Meridian Gate.

Whispers rose from time to time among the officials waiting to attend court.

Standing near the front, Gao Kaiji looked even unsettled than yesterday, repeatedly glancing back and forth as though searching for something.

Only after three bell chimes rang out from the bell tower did silence finally fall, and the officials entered through the left and right side gates in orderly ranks.

Inside the Golden Throne Hall.

The officials had just finished paying their respects when Gong Defu leaned close to the emperor and whispered, “Your Majesty, Lord Tang is feeling unwell today. Early this morning, someone from his residence came to request leave on his behalf.”

Xiao Yinghuai lifted his eyelids and glanced over. Without asking anything further, he merely said,

“After court is dismissed, have Imperial Physician Mao visit his residence.”

Gong Defu looked slightly troubled, unsure how to explain the matter.

After hesitating for a moment, he said, “Imperial Physician Mao spent last night at Lord Tang’s residence… and also fell ill. They say he encountered something supernatural.”

Xiao Yinghuai raised a brow.

“Hm?”

By then, the officials below could no longer wait to bring up the matter.

“Your Majesty! Lord Tang has always been in excellent health, yet last night he suddenly suffered a grave illness and nearly lost his life. This matter is exceedingly suspicious. We beg Your Majesty to investigate thoroughly!”

“Imperial Physician Mao’s medical skills are exceptional, yet even he collapsed outside the Tang residence. Someone must have been pulling strings behind the scenes!”

“Your Majesty!”

“Your Majesty! When Lord Tang left the palace last night, his complexion was rosy and his voice thunderous. You must uphold justice for Lord Tang!”

The hall was as noisy as a barnyard.

Xiao Yinghuai casually pointed at someone.

“Lord Gao. You speak.”

Gao Kaiji: “?”

Did I even open my mouth?

The young emperor upon the dragon throne looked directly at him.

After thinking for a while, Gao Kaiji replied, “Reporting to Your Majesty, this minister only knows that Lord Song sought out Lord Tang after the evening court session.”

Xiao Yinghuai rested a finger against his temple, signaling,

“Continue.”

Gao Kaiji said indignantly, “It looked like he wanted to badmouth this minister!”

Xiao Yinghuai fell silent for a moment, sensing trouble.

Sure enough, the very next instant—

Gao Kaiji cried out, “Your Majesty! This humble subject is like the lotus that rises from the mud unstained, washed by clear waters yet never seductive!³“出淤泥而不染，濯清漣而不妖” “Rises from the mud unstained, washed by clear waters yet never seductive” is a quotation from Zhou Dunyi’s On the Love of the Lotus (《愛蓮說》), a classic essay from the Song dynasty. The lotus symbolizes a person of noble character who remains pure and upright despite being surrounded by corruption. A man who travels by night can keep himself from wrongdoing, but he cannot stop the dogs from barking…”

Before any of the court officials could stop him, Gao Kaiji got so worked up that he choked on his own saliva.

“Cough, cough, cough… Cough… hack…”

“Urk…”

Gong Defu busied himself like a little bee, hurrying down to pat him on the back.

“Oh my, Lord Gao. At your age, you really shouldn’t get so excited.”

Between retches, Gao Kaiji continued,

“My Gao family… urk… has been loyal and righteous for generations…”

Xiao Yinghuai rubbed his forehead.

“Pang Qing.”

Pang Qing immediately stepped forward from the ranks.

“Your Majesty, Song Jian is a sinister and cunning man. Secretly lobbying important court officials is bound to make people suspect ulterior motives. If… if it was to drive a wedge between Lord Tang and Lord Gao, then his intentions are truly unforgivable!”

Because of the previous rebellion, Song Jian’s reputation among the civil and military officials was already tarnished. Over the past few days, countless memorials had been submitted against him.

The moment Pang Qing finished speaking, others immediately echoed him.

“That’s right, Your Majesty. Song Jian absolutely must not be kept!”

“When the traitor Ji Mingyi rebelled, he loudly called out Song Jian’s name—we all heard it clearly!”

“Your Majesty, keeping Song Jian by your side is far too dangerous!”

…

Xiao Yinghuai listened unhurriedly to the indignant remarks of the assembled officials.

Finally, after the last person had finished speaking,

he laughed softly.

“I know.”

…

Meanwhile, Song Jian woke up and immediately ran out of Yanning Palace.

He had slept fairly well last night, dozing off around the Hour of Zi. He hadn’t even noticed when that diligent emperor had gotten up to attend court.

After returning to the Tiancha Division, Song Jian planned to take a bath before going to sleep.

He sat comfortably in the wooden tub, humming “Scrub-a-dub, scrub-a-dub…”, when suddenly someone began pounding on the door.

“My lord! My lord! The imperial study! His Majesty is looking for you!”

The completely naked Song Jian: “?”

—

Inside the imperial study.

For the first time, Xiao Yinghuai sent someone to summon Song Jian.

The messenger returned.

“Your Majesty, Lord Song is taking a bath.”

The second time.

“Your Majesty, Lord Song has just finished bathing and is getting dressed.”

The third time.

“Your Majesty, Lord Song isn’t very good at combing his hair. He may need a little more time.”

The fourth time.

“Your Majesty…”

Xiao Yinghuai finally lost his patience.

“Bring him here directly!”

Thus, Song Jian was dragged away with only half of his hair combed, utterly bewildered the entire way.

“N-no, brother, what’s going on?”

“Bro, bro? Say something, bro.”

The bro remained silent, his gaze unwavering.

Song Jian sighed.

“I thought we’d always have something to talk about.”

Without getting any answers, he was thrown into the imperial study with a thud, landing hard on his backside.

Grimacing in pain, he straightened his back.

No joke—he felt like his butt was sticking out enough to balance a bottle of soda.

“Oh my, Lord Song. How can you behave so improperly before His Majesty? Hurry, hurry, get up.”

Gong Defu hurried over to help him.

Song Jian thought Gong Defu was helping him stand.

Instead, Gong Defu helped him into a kneeling position.

Song Jian: “?”

He looked up blankly.

“???”

The man’s brows were dark, his lips pressed into a displeased line.

Song Jian became even more confused.

Wasn’t everything perfectly normal last night?

What now?

Had working driven him insane??

After helping him kneel, Gong Defu quietly withdrew.

The imperial study remained silent for a long while before the man finally looked at him and spoke.

“Murdering an important court official. Quite bold of you.”

Song Jian froze, then his eyes widened.

“Huh? Who? Who? Who did it?”

Xiao Yinghuai: “…”

“You.”

Song Jian said, “Me? What did I do?”

Xiao Yinghuai wanted to have this bodyguard who couldn’t understand human speech dragged outside and beheaded.

Yet when his gaze shifted, the person before him wore an utterly innocent expression. A few strands of uncombed hair hung loosely beside his fair cheeks as he stared at him without blinking.

His mouth was still asking,

“Your Majesty, what did I do?”

Xiao Yinghuai said nothing.

His scrutinizing gaze lingered on Song Jian’s fair features for a long moment before settling on the vivid red beauty mark at the corner of his eye.

After a long while, he stood and slowly walked over to the kneeling man.

“Song Jian.”

Xiao Yinghuai looked down at him from above, his voice cold.

“You attempted to murder the court official Tang Lai. Do you know your crime?”

Song Jian’s eyes grew as wide as bronze bells.

Xiao Yinghuai bent down.

“What should be done, Lord Song? Lord Tang is now bedridden and unable to attend court. The court is in turmoil. How do you intend to atone?”

Song Jian: “!!!!!!!!!”

Ah!

Ah?!

W-What?!

N-n-n-n-n-no, it wasn’t me!!!

In his panic, Song Jian shot to his feet—

Only to meet the emperor’s overwhelmingly oppressive gaze.

With a thud, Song Jian dropped back to his knees.

He shouted in grief and indignation,

“Your Majesty!! I am innocent!!”

Innocent, aaaaaah!!

“Heaven!! Please distinguish the loyal from the treacherous!!!”

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• 1
  毛利 is pronounced Máolì in Chinese, but the same characters are read Māori in Japanese. Hearing the name, Song Jian immediately thinks of the Japanese reading, so he jokes that it sounds “exotic.”
• 2
  Mao (卯时): 5:00 a.m. – 7:00 a.m.
• 3
  “出淤泥而不染，濯清漣而不妖” “Rises from the mud unstained, washed by clear waters yet never seductive” is a quotation from Zhou Dunyi’s On the Love of the Lotus (《愛蓮說》), a classic essay from the Song dynasty. The lotus symbolizes a person of noble character who remains pure and upright despite being surrounded by corruption.