NB Chapter83

I once read a strange story in a tabloid, whether true or not, about a giant ship hitting an iceberg. The dedicated captain decided to go down with the ship, yet many years after the vessel had sunk, several researchers on a polar expedition encountered that very captain smoking a cigarette on a corner of the iceberg. Everyone was shocked, and rumors flew wild, saying the captain had fallen into a temporal rift and escaped his fate.

I shared this story with Zhang Mingsheng in the car.

After listening, Zhang Mingsheng gave Ah Hai another instruction, “If you can’t bring yourself to say, ‘a date,’ surely you can say ‘time travel’.”

He didn’t have the speakerphone on, so I didn’t know how Ah Hai responded. I only heard Zhang Mingsheng reply, “En, fine. See you then.”

“Did Ah Hai go for it?” I gripped the seat to lean closer, looking up at him.

Zhang Mingsheng looked at me through the rearview mirror as if I were some kind of novelty. He said, “Ah Hai sends his regards to your father.”

The younger Ah Hai really had a mediocre temperament; he wasn’t nearly as likable as he used to be.

“My father dumped me at a welfare home entrance like I was nothing.” I curled my lip. “His life probably isn’t going well anyway, so let him send his regards.”

What’s so strange about traveling through time? Society is open and ideas are diverse these days; surely they aren’t so sensitive that they can’t handle hearing a phrase like “time travel.”

Besides, Ah Hai and Ah Shan didn’t witness the crime scene directly; they only saw someone hanging from a distance and shouted out. The murderer had actually acted so quickly, even more impatient than the first time. It was a relief he hadn’t changed the location of the crime; otherwise, every policeman in Hong Kong would have been looking over their shoulder for a while.

Come to think of it, in Ah Hai and Ah Shan’s eyes, Zhang Mingsheng and I must look like prophets. If we said someone would be killed, then someone really died; if we named the place a crime would happen, the killer would strike exactly there.

The killer had spent countless nights tossing and turning, planning meticulously and calculating every move before choosing a derelict building where humans were rarer than weasels to do the deed. Who could have known that two buzz-cut men would suddenly appear out of nowhere and roar across the distance, “Hey! What do you think you’re doing!”

They were full of vigor like heavenly soldiers descending to earth.

At that moment, he probably had no choice but to believe in fate.

Had it really been resolved so easily? I leaned against the window and looked outside, yet my heart remained uneasy, unable to settle.

No wonder themes of rebirth and time travel are so popular. Life is a one-way street, and regret sometimes follows a person forever. Children are desperate to grow up, but once they age, they all start fearing birthdays. With death drawing closer, how many people can remain composed? I think most people in the world want a do-over, not just to dissolve the regrets and suffering in their own lives, but perhaps to save others from fire and water, or to seize an opportunity and soar to the heights while the wind is in their favor.

“Hey, why do you think Heaven chose us of all people to live a second time? It’s not like we’ve done much for charity anyway.” I asked Zhang Mingsheng’s back.

“What do you mean we haven’t? Every year I spend a fortune specifically on medical treatment for children abandoned because of illness,” Zhang Mingsheng said, peeling back another layer of his hidden life. “As you put it, it’s not that you and I are living again, it’s that you’ve come into my hell just to watch me suffer.”

I couldn’t be bothered to respond to him. As the car drove across the bridge, the distant sea stretched out in a deep, dark blue, rolling in silent waves. Hong Kong is an island, an island where every inch of land is worth its weight in gold; most of the thrilling and exquisite stories here are walked out by protagonists tiptoeing along the edge. Life is truly bitter and short, yet the more bitter and shorter it becomes, the more it makes one want to carve out something earth-shattering and magnificent.

Suddenly, I spoke up, “Maybe we are both dead, and these last few seconds before the end are just exceptionally long.”

“Long enough to feel like a lifetime?” Zhang Mingsheng asked. “Before death, it feels as if a lifetime was only a second, but that final second feels like a lifetime.”

“I don’t know,” I said with my head bowed, spreading my palm to look at the lines within. “Sometimes, I feel a bit dazed.”

Zhang Mingsheng turned the steering wheel, and the car merged into the vast flow of traffic as countless dancing lights and shadows traced long streaks.

“Whatever it is, it’s a godsend,” Zhang Mingsheng said. “Aren’t you the one who wants to live a good life the most?”

“Yes, which is why I need to stay away from you,” I said, closing my hand. “The further I am from you, the less I will think about the past.”

“Hearing you say you’re going to leave, that you want to be far from me, is more heartbreaking than hearing you want to kill me.” Zhang Mingsheng said in a flat tone.

“Remember that heartbreak,” I said. “You’d better label all your emotions and memorize them well, lest you forget.”

“You sound like someone about to go on a long journey,” Zhang Mingsheng said. “I’m watching you pack your bags and leave sticky notes on the fridge.”

“I don’t want to chew on the bitterness you brought me anymore.” I said while closing my eyes and folding my arms.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to trouble you to endure it a while longer.” Zhang Mingsheng suddenly stepped on the accelerator, and a narrow gap in the window let a sudden gust of wind rush inside. “Ah Hai and Ah Shan didn’t get a clear look at who it was. He ran away. It was the victim who insisted on calling the police, saying he wanted to turn himself in.”

I knew it. Since when was anything in this world ever that easy?

“Why didn’t you say so just now?”

“I was afraid you’d overthink it and be unhappy.”

“Then why tell me now?”

“To distract you.”

What kind of reason was that? I glared at him fiercely, and he took it all in stride.

“I’m messaging Li Yi.” I said, taking out my phone and pulling up my contacts.

“Tell him what?” Zhang Mingsheng asked.

“To tell him to be careful. It’s best if he takes a few days off and stays with Shimu and Shanshan,” I typed with my head down.

Zhang Mingsheng tilted his head toward the window; he was about to change lanes and needed to observe the traffic. “If you don’t want to get Li Yi involved, don’t say too much. I’ve dispatched men to watch over the hospital. It’s not many, but it should be enough.”

I looked up and said slowly, “You’re actually looking out for Li Yi?”

“Right now, I hope he lives a very long life.” Zhang Mingsheng said with complete sincerity.

We were caught in traffic several times on the way from the wealthy peak district to the police station. By the time we arrived, we were half an hour late.

I told Zhang Mingsheng to pull over.

One ex-boyfriend had already given my colleagues plenty of reason to gossip about my sexual orientation; if I were seen stepping out of a luxury car, wouldn’t they be treating me as their dinnertime conversation every single day?

I got out of the car alone and limped forward, leaving Zhang Mingsheng behind me.

They say it takes a hundred days for bones and tendons to heal. My body was resilient, and since the current injury wasn’t severe, I no longer needed to rely on a crutch.

As I entered through the main doors and walked further inside, I began to see familiar faces; strangely familiar faces.

It had been a long time, truly a long time. Seeing them again, once, twice, three times, I still wasn’t used to it. As I passed Jiang Xiaoqiu’s desk, I noticed her bright green plastic cactus was still sitting beside her computer.

I exchanged pleasantries with my colleagues, feeling a sense of warmth at the sight of their smiling faces.

I remembered the cold, stern gazes of the people standing behind Li Yi when he burst into the funeral to confront me and Zhang Mingsheng. I knew these young people pursued justice and did not fear power or wealth. When some people rot, others forge themselves into steel. Their presence always gave one a sliver of hope for the future.

However, the further I walked, the more I noticed that the people passing me had a hint of helplessness and pity in their eyes.

To an outsider, it might have seemed as if they had been reborn just like me, knowing that I had once been forcibly stuffed into another person’s shell.

Jiang Xiaoqiu suddenly appeared; she had dimples at the corners of her mouth that I had always remembered. She patted me on the shoulder with a look of reluctance on her face. “Brother Chao, we all know now. Don’t be sad. Maybe things aren’t the way they seem.”

“What happened?” I turned toward her.

She froze for a moment, then looked at me with confusion. “You don’t know yet?”

Then she told me that Superintendent He Jian had been subjected to a series of threats and violent attacks. On the brink of a breakdown and barely holding onto his life, he was rescued by passersby; and was now insisting on turning himself in.

“Turn himself in for what?”

“He says it’s about a missing person’s investigation from many years ago. Several of the key officers were involved, they all…” Jiang Xiaoqiu hesitated.

“They all what?” I waited patiently.

“…They all took bribes. While investigating the missing person, they actually helped ensure the victims disappeared forever. He gave several names, and among them… among them was Jin Shunfa.” Jiang Xiaoqiu observed my expression warily.

She was close to me and knew who my mentor was, so she was being exceptionally cautious with her words.

“So that’s how it is.” I said softly.

“Superintendent He is a bit mentally unstable; I heard he arrived having wet his pants. What he says might not be true. So far, we haven’t heard of any department taking over the case yet.” She continued, trying to comfort me.

“It’s alright.” I steadied her by the shoulder and looked her straight in the eye. “Be careful when you’re out on field duty lately. It’s best to stay with someone else. If you see anyone suspicious, don’t just rush in blindly, okay?”

She looked at me and slowly nodded.

I patted her shoulder and walked past her.

I hadn’t gone far before I ran into the stiff-faced Li Yi. He intercepted me immediately and, before I could say a word, forced me to turn around. “Come on, keep me company while I smoke.”

It seemed my text message had been futile after all.

In the darkness of the night, the Li Yi of the present was tall, yet he still carried a trace of youthfulness.

He kept his lashes lowered with a cigarette dangling from his lips. I lit it for him.

He didn’t pull away. After taking a drag, his gaze remained fixed on the ground. He asked, “Where have you been these past few days?”

For a fleeting second, the Li Yis of two different eras seemed to overlap.

Where did you go? Where are you?

It was difficult to give him an answer every single time.

But Li Yi was never one to stubbornly demand an answer to a single question; he moved on to the next, “Do you believe it?”

I still didn’t know how to respond.

Should a beautiful illusion be shattered sooner or later?

These illusions were made of the days and nights we had spent together.

Our yesterday and our tomorrow were all tangled into one.

“Did you hear any of the details?” I changed the subject.

“Details?” Li Yi let out a cold snort. I couldn’t tell who else he was blaming. “It’s nothing but details. Do you know what He Jian said?”

“What did he say?” As I drew closer to the truth, my hands began to shake uncontrollably.

“He Jian said that at the beginning, several of them refused to work for Zhang Yaonian. Only Teacher… he even helped the victims hide.”

“And then?”

“Then, for some unknown reason, he suddenly changed his mind. He secretly killed the wife of that couple himself behind everyone’s back. Then, he took one of her fingers and went to claim the reward.”

My hands were buried deep in my pockets, tightly clutching my lighter to keep my trembling from showing too clearly. I turned my head away, staring into the blurred darkness of the night. “Words alone aren’t proof,” I said. “It might not be true.”

“Sometimes the truth looks more like a lie than a lie does,” Li Yi suddenly remarked. “Right now, no one dares to touch this case. Who knows if He Jian will just be diagnosed as mentally unstable tomorrow.”

I fell silent.

This was exactly what Zhang Mingsheng meant; even if those who took bribes came forward to confess, the police force would still recoil at the mere mention of Zhang Yaonian’s name.

Zhang Yaonian had a thousand, even ten thousand ways to clear his own name and countless methods to control another person’s life.

He treated the killing of a discarded pawn as nothing more than a kind of amusement, a source of absolute thrill. Watching them die made his life feel like a long-atrophied organ briefly revived, an artificial, drug-induced surge of stimulation.

And because he always had a way out, he was always clever enough to use the hands of others to commit his crimes.

I could already imagine what he would say; I could see his face on the giant screens of the news.

He would say, “I have many ways to discipline my children and family. Why on earth would I go through the trouble of hiring someone to do it?”

In an instant, those despicable, bribed pieces of trash would immediately understand their predicament.

They probably once thought they were in the same boat as Zhang Yaonian.

As it turned out, Zhang Yaonian was merely a spectator.

Jin Shunfa once tried to squeeze his way onto Zhang Yaonian’s boat, but he acted too late with too much hesitation.

His attempt to kill his own colleague today must have also come from some vague hint or silent nod from Zhang Yaonian. But in the end, it was nothing more than another instance of borrowing a knife to kill.

Success would mean wealth.

Failure would mean the end of his life.

To Zhang Yaonian, those bribes were a paltry sum, but in the eyes of people like He Jian, they were fishhooks made of solid gold.

As for my mentor.

What was it that made him suddenly cease his kindness and take such a sharp turn?

Did he see his colleagues getting promoted and rich while remaining unscathed, and feel a surge of jealousy in his heart?

When he killed first and then went to claim the credit, was he mocked by Zhang Yaonian?

Zhang Yaonian could easily have said, “I never told you to kill her.”

What would my mentor’s reaction have been at that moment?

The sunk cost had become so high that my mentor’s life suddenly turned back into a gambling table.

Yet, he truly had struggled.

Neither fully good nor entirely evil; struggling, constantly struggling.

The shots he fired at Li Yi and me… what exactly was he trying to tell us?

Was he jealous of Li Yi too?

Jealous that Li Yi had searched for me for so long, refusing to give up even in the face of death, and had actually uncovered the truth? Jealous that Li Yi was young, promising, and walking steadily toward the light?

And what about me? What did I do wrong?

These were words I could never say to Li Yi.

Suddenly, I was desperate to find Zhang Mingsheng.

I stubbed out the cigarette and turned away. As if I had suddenly gone deaf, I fixed my attention only on walking forward, brushing past many people’s shoulders, moving through stairwells and corridors, leaving the bright, lit areas behind until I merged alone into the night.

Walk forward; walk further.

Zhang Mingsheng was standing exactly where he had dropped me off.

He was leaning against the car with hands tucked into his trench coat pockets while watching me calmly. It seemed as though he would never be surprised by my appearance.

We lived lives cut off from the outside world; unable to question others, we could only drift closer to one another.

“Did you pick up your gun?” Zhang Mingsheng asked.

“Why?” I asked.

“To protect yourself.”

“Why do some people always love to hold others in the palm of their hands and toy with them? And why do those who are toyed with turn around and toy with people even more pitiful than themselves?” I stared intensely at Zhang Mingsheng.

He couldn’t give me an answer.

Because he, too, had once toyed with my life.

Looking at him in his silence, I suddenly felt the strength drain from my body. Exhausted, I said, “After everything is over, let’s truly never see each other again.”

“Fine.” Zhang Mingsheng said.

Finally, finally, he had agreed.

He stepped forward and took me into his arms.

“Don’t ever come looking for me again.” I said, letting him hold me tight.

“I won’t.” He murmured, holding me without moving.

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