NB Chapter75

I had never seen such an expression on Zhang Mingsheng’s face; despite being refuted and rejected, his gaze changed in an instant. It was like deep pool water slowly swirling into a vortex.

“But I am still glad to see the present you.” He said, watching me with that very look.

Inscrutable, utterly inscrutable.

I could never truly fathom Zhang Mingsheng’s inclinations.

So even as he leaned in to kiss me, I remained in a state of calm observation. I heard his breathing, which seemed strained with impatience. Our lips met, and he cupped my face with his fingertips brushing lightly over my ear. At barely an inch apart, he kept his eyes closed, gently pressing his lips against mine, leaving only me standing outside this sudden surge of desire.

I knew I should push him away.

But we had never truly possessed this, never.

Back when I was frail, all carnal desire felt like a damp handkerchief, gently and silently draped over my nose and mouth. Every dizzying pleasure felt like drawing an advance on my own life.

But now it was different.

Is this what I craved?

Ever since I witnessed those fireworks on the mountaintop, a secret seed of madness had been buried in my heart. It is not ignited within a fragile spirit or a broken body; it only sparks suddenly when a person is healthy and capable of active pursuit.

Sometimes, I want safety; I want stability.

But at other times, I want love; I want freedom.

I want to do every single thing I desire to do.

The scent of Zhang Mingsheng’s cologne filled my senses, and I watched his eyelashes tremble faintly. Behind him stood several floor-to-ceiling windows; today’s sunlight was unusually bright, yet the moment it passed through the glass and spilled onto the wooden floor, it seemed to age instantly, softened into a blurred, indistinct glow.

He caressed my cheeks, gently grazing the corners of my mouth.

It wasn’t quite a kiss; it felt more like an involuntary closing of distance, a longing that couldn’t be restrained, a kind of cruel tenderness that came before possession and consumption.

How mad.

This was exactly what I once wanted, something I had been unconsciously pursuing ever since the fireworks that lit up my sky had fallen.

This was what Zhang Mingsheng owed me.

I closed my eyes and kissed him back with resolve.

As if long prepared, his arms cinched around my waist before pulling me close with a forceful embrace that both melded our bodies together and supported my weight.

No one had ever told me that sometimes kissing is like a confrontation and a chase. Our tongues intertwined and brushed against each other until we both became obsessed; our bodies felt like borderless warm water surging into a tide of lust, silently rejoicing and indulging, treating the entire world as if it were nothing.

I bit down hard, breaking his lip. To my surprise, he didn’t recoil; instead, he cupped the back of my head and kissed me even deeper. A madman, a shark-like madman. The taste of blood transferred into my mouth; I was reaping what I had sown.

We kissed until our breathing grew heavy, until I could feel the change in his body.

Enough, it was truly enough. At least I was satisfied; I didn’t want any more.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and pushed outward with some force. I had once plunged a knife into that very spot; I didn’t know if the wound had finished scarring over.

Zhang Mingsheng does not forget pain. He has always been a man of restraint, and at my slightest movement, he stopped immediately. He remained very close, however, his nose brushing intimately against the bridge of my nose and my cheek while looking down at me with shallow breaths.

For some reason, I was suddenly afraid of disturbing him. My voice lowered without me noticing, my words broken up by the rhythm of my breathing:

“Mr. Zhang, I think you might need to go to the restroom.”

After enduring this sudden surge and fall of emotion, my heart felt unexpectedly calm.

But Zhang Mingsheng seemed loath to let go.

He suddenly pulled me in, pressing me into his embrace and holding me so tightly I could barely breathe.

I realized he was trembling.

He spoke into my ear, his voice wavering, “You used to always ask me what I wanted, Ah Chao. I never gave you an answer.”

I managed to stretch out one hand and press it against his chest, where his heart was beating.

“Because I only realized today,” his arms tightened even further, “that this is what I wanted.”

He held me so tightly as if he wanted this single second to become an eternity.

I looked up slightly and saw the desolate greenery outside the window; it had grown wildly for a season and was now on the verge of withering as the temperature dropped.

This was not a season suited for baring one’s soul.

I lowered my eyes and waited for Zhang Mingsheng to end his impossible plea for me to stay.

Fortunately, his moment of sincerity did not linger for long. Within a dozen seconds of letting me go, he quickly reverted to the brisk-stepping Mr. Zhang, stepping forward to pressing the button for the indoor elevator and inviting me upstairs to sit for a while.

“It is too empty downstairs; there’s nothing here to entertain Officer Yu with.” he said with one hand in his pocket as he glanced back at me.

Unimpressed, I stood my ground. “What’s upstairs? Don’t tell me it’s another wheelchair.”

Zhang Mingsheng was in a good mood; he laughed and said, “It’s my mother’s belongings. I think I should have shown them to you long ago.”

Excellent, yet another enticing offering I couldn’t refuse.

I cursed several times in my heart and resignedly walked forward.

I figured Zhang Mingsheng must have learned his lesson; he was smart enough to know that if he tried to trap me the old way again, the only outcome would be a new bullet piercing his body. Perhaps refusing to repeat the same mistakes was a form of arrogance, but he had the capital for it. Once he failed, he could simply discard the effort he had invested and seek another path.

I kept reassuring myself, but as I stepped into the elevator, my heart was met with an unavoidable sinking feeling.

Once upon a time, during every moment I spent with Zhang Mingsheng, I didn’t dare blink.

Because one could never predict what would happen the next second.

The elevator opened with a chime.

The hallway was bright, quite unlike the gloom I remembered.

Zhang Mingsheng walked ahead, making no move to assist me. He led me into the bedroom, told me to sit anywhere, and then turned to retrieve a square box from the wardrobe; it wasn’t small. I took it and placed it on my lap.

“Take your time, Officer Yu.” He said before turning to leave.

“Where are you going?” I looked up.

“To the restroom.” He replied without looking back.

“Oh.” I said, uninterested. I sat back on the bed and buried my head in the box again, gingerly picking through and searching its contents.

The first thing that caught my eye was a small piece of clothing.

I realized these weren’t Auntie Yang’s belongings.

This was likely a garment Zhang Mingsheng had worn as a child. The fabric was soft, and the label featured ornate script that looked expensive at a glance.

However, the second light-blue button on the chest was very different.

Through the four buttonholes, threads of different colors had been used to embroider a pair of small purple fruits with green leaves.

This was Auntie Yang’s handiwork.

So, she had sewn a button like this for Zhang Mingsheng too.

I reached out to touch it; my heart filled with a complex mixture of emotions.

Mingsheng—a bright life. It turns out she, too, had once wanted to shield you from the wind and rain. Even if it was only for a moment, even if, later on, she chose her own freedom.

I let out a sigh.

The second button rests right over the chest.

As if remembering something, I began to call out, “Zhang Mingsheng!”

The sound of rushing water came from the bathroom; Zhang Mingsheng must have been showering.

Seeing that he didn’t answer, I shouted again, “Hey! Zhang Mingsheng!”

The water stopped instantly, and a muffled reply came from the bathroom, “What is it?”

“Is there something wrong with your heart?” I asked. “It’s happened several times now, you look like you’re in so much pain. Have you seen a doctor?”

When he held me just now, he trembled once again.

“It hurts a lot,” Zhang Mingsheng said, “but it doesn’t matter.”

As soon as he finished speaking, the sound of the shower started up again.

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