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RA Chapter 43

TW: abuse


Su Beimo looked for him like crazy, together with Ge Yun and Xu Yanyan, they were all looking for him like crazy.

Su Beimo spent some money, following the scattered news, spent two days groping all the way to find Liao Nanqing’s stepfather’s house. It was an isolated town, shrouded in winter, living in shadow. He followed the address and found that the doors and windows of the short building’s house were closed.

A thick layer of dust collected on the windowsills, telling Su Beimo in no uncertain terms that the place had not been inhabited for a long time. He slapped the door hard, and there was no response for a long time. Su Beimo yelled twice inside, shouting Liao Nanqing’s name. Snowflakes fell from the roof, and his voice echoed on the sparsely populated path.

The lingering sound was fleeting.

The old man passing by with a basket of vegetables looked away for a while and thought Su Beimo was here to collect a debt, and went forward to talk more: “This family moved out two months ago, owed a lot of money, and went to hide from the debt! I heard you call Liao Nanqing? That is the child brought by the wife of this family, he left earlier, he left two years ago, committed evil, and never came back!”

“Do you know where they have moved to?” Su Beimo seized the hope and eagerly asked. Seeing that the old man did not want to talk, Su Beimo did not hesitate to pull out two 100 yuan bills from his wallet and forcefully put them into the old man’s hand, “Please help, I have an urgent matter.”

The old man grunted, looked disdainfully twice towards the empty house, and his rough fingers squeezed the money tightly. “What can be urgent, you came to ask for money. You go to his mother-in-law’s house to look for it. A town in XX County, surnamed Li. You ask for Li Qin, they will know which family it is.”

Su Beimo thanked him and walked in a hurry. The old man shouted from behind: “Even if you find them, they don’t have money to pay you back. Don’t bother young man!”

He shouted so loudly that the sparrows resting on the poles were frightened, tweeting non-stop.



And the easiest birds of prey to see in a village or town in winter were these chattering sparrows. As the warm afternoon sun began to melt the snow on the ground, a few scattered sparrows rested on the roof of a rather old rural building. On such a comfortable afternoon, Xiao Ze dug the mud puddle in the corner, squatting and playing silently.

The surroundings were quiet; except for the sound of sparrows, there was no human voice. Taking a closer look at the place where the grass did not grow, even this dilapidated house was temporarily reorganized to live in.

Li Qin in the rudimentary yard scrubbed thin cotton clothes and rubbed a lot of soap. She anxiously kneaded, over and over again with cold water to rinse it, until the blood stains on it faded away and could not be seen. Behind him, Xiao Ze worked hard to dig mud, his little cotton jacket wrapped tightly, and he was sweating hot.

“You go see your brother.” Li Qin urged him.

Xiao Ze lowered his head, his attention here was all on the mud, and he absently replied: “I just saw it, my brother is asleep.”

Li Qin, obviously not convinced, wiped her hands and turned around to enter the darkened room. She walked straight inward and opened the door to the small room. Inside, there were no windows and it was pitch black. Li Qin turned on the light by hand.

There was a figure shrunken on the narrow bed. Liao Nanqing was lying on the bed so miserably pale, a pair of eyes staring vacantly at the ceiling where there was nothing, the corners of the mouth and eyes were bruised.

Next to the bed were meals that had been eaten only a few times; they were not rich, a fried cauliflower, a bowl of rice, and a fried egg were all that was needed. With time, they became cold, and a layer of oil caked on the broth of the cauliflower, making it difficult to eat in winter.

Liao Nanqing’s forehead was wounded by Li Qin only an hour ago, and it should be painful at this moment. But Liao Nanqing didn’t even yell, he was quiet, his neck was tightly bound, and it was exactly the size of his neck. If it were smaller, he might be strangled to death.

Li Qin asked unbearably, “Does it hurt?”

Liao Nanqing did not reply.

Li Qin went over and sat beside him, wiping her tears as she said sadly: “Whatever he says, you should do it. Why should you talk back? If you get well, you can also go back to school earlier, right?” She held Liao Nanqing’s cold hand and advised him, “Listen to your mother, stay here to recover peacefully and don’t confront your stepfather. When you get well, you can continue to study if you want, and even if you don’t, we will never care about you anymore, okay?”

The answer to her was still a long silence.

Outside the sun had dropped a bit, Liao Nanqing’s body was all cold. It took him a long time to have the strength to say a word: “I am not sick.”

“How come you’re not sick? You…you have fallen in love with a man, how are you not sick?” Li Qin answered quickly, her eyes were red, as if he mentioned something shameful, and she was earnestly accused. Her tone was no longer tender because of her rebuttal: “Have you forgotten why your father went to jail? Why are you always with men, always like this, always involved with men?”

When it came to Liao Dong, Liao Nanqing’s neck seemed to be stuck. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth with difficulty: “I’m not sick.”

“You’re just sick! You need to be cured! I’m your mother, I can’t let you stay abnormal.” Li Qin stood up, unwilling to continue the confrontation with Liao Nanqing. But the moment she opened the room door to leave, she heard Liao Nanqing’s hoarse question.

He asked, “Su family, they were looking for you?” Instead of a question, it should be a definite statement, “Did Uncle Su give you guys money.”

Li Qin was dumbfounded and turned to Liao Nanqing’s indifferent gaze, full of self-deprecating. She opened her mouth, unable to explain a word.

Liao Nanqing laughed silently and bitterly, full of sarcasm. Yes, they were receiving money from the Su family.

Otherwise, how could the stepfather, who had always loathed himself, meddle in coming to the school to hold himself hostage, talking about curing himself, and questioning him back and forth every day whether he had thought it through and wanted to break it off with Su Beimo. How would they know about all this, except that the Su family had approached them?

In the eyes of his stepfather, he was a maggot; who cared if he lived or died.

Liao Nanqing was not a stubborn person, but he knew that even if he pretended to be obedient, his stepfather would keep him locked up.

They must have received the money, and since they had received the money, they must get things done. This winter vacation, and even the school classes, he wouldn’t be able to go.

Not seeing the light, it was like a prison, like a hell.

And the light was Su Beimo, if he couldn’t see him, he couldn’t open the door.

However, Liao Nanqing still held on to a sliver of luck that when the winter break passed and he did not return to school, the school would certainly find a way to contact him. By then, maybe Su Beimo would be able to find him with the school’s connections. He gritted his teeth and vowed that he would make it through this winter break, he couldn’t be stuck here.



However, Liao Nanqing was still too naive; it was extremely difficult to spend this winter vacation peacefully.

That evening, his stepfather, Zhang Yuangang, came back to the house drunk, pushed open the door and asked angrily, “Has that dog figured it out?” Li Qin stood up to stop him.

Xiao Ze was sitting at the table with his rice bowl, and when he saw such Zhang Yuangang, his first reaction was to hide under the table. His eyes were filled with fear as he looked at Zhang Yuangang, both hands clutching his chopsticks. Zhang Yuangang saw his timid and rat-like son at a glance, pushed Li Qin away, hobbled over and pulled him out from under the table like a chicken.

“Baby son, don’t worry, Laozi will never hit you again!” He happily patted Ze’s timid cheeks with some heavy force. He was a drunken mess, the tips of his eyes were red, his mouth reeked of alcohol, “We have money, happy? If you have money, you will be in a good mood. How can I feel like beating you in the future?”

Li Qin grabbed Xiao Ze from his hand and held him tightly in her arms: “The money is to pay off the debt! You do not go around gambling again!”

“Stinky bitch.” Zhang Yuangang just raised his hand to shove Li Qin. There was not a good word coming out of his mouth.

In the past years, Zhang Yuangang was not like this. Apart from his domestic violence he did to Liao Nanqing, he was usually kind to Li Qin and his own son. But over the years, he was cheated out of money and even borrowed from loan sharks, he got involved in gambling, and his temper became more and more violent. Coupled with his alcoholism, his violent temper was even more obvious. When he was ruthless, let alone Li Qin, he even beat Xiao Ze.

Xiao Ze was always afraid of him and did not dare to make any noise.

Zhang Yuangang just felt bored, and turned towards the small room. Li Qin wanted to stop him, but Xiao Ze in her arms pulled her hand.

“Mom, don’t go, I’m afraid.” Xiao Ze whimpered, “I’m afraid of Dad.”

Li Qin paused and chose to protect Xiao Ze, but in fact she could not protect anyone.

In three minutes, however, there was a dull sound in the small room, accompanied by Zhang Yuangang’s screaming voice: “I gave you a face, didn’t I?! How much money your mother has given you over the years, do you have any idea? You use Laozi money, and still give me this expression? Why don’t you say you’re not sick again?”

Xiao Ze covered his ears, and Li Qin lowered her head, her shoulders trembling constantly.

Inside the room, Liao Nanqing, with a mouthful of blood, shrank at the foot of the bed and instinctively used his hands to protect his head. He couldn’t make a sound. The severe pain caused him to lose his balance. For a moment, he saw Zhang Yuangang’s fist shaking to death as it swung down, and for a moment, he was so scared that he peed his pants. On the verge of a cliff of fear, Liao Nanqing subconsciously sought Su Beimo’s figure.

But no, Su Beimo could not find him.

Couldn’t find him, ah…

It was so painful that his beaten limbs didn’t feel like his own.

He shouted Su Beimo’s name, choking against the cold wall. That weak look made Zhang Yuangang’s fist to stop, and he smiled, “Still thinking about that kid?”

Liao Nanqing did not dare to look at him, cowering and covering his face.

“Can someone from a family like theirs be the same as someone like you who was screwed when you were a child? Don’t you take a piss and look at yourself? Oh yeah, you’re already pissing yourself in fear, ah?” Zhang Yuangang lifted his leg and kicked him, disgusted and amused: “Don’t think that I want to take care of you. I look at you and feel disgusted. If it wasn’t for your partner’s father, who came to your mother with a box of money, I wouldn’t have known you had done something so out of the ordinary. You fucking sell your ass, huh?”

He was drunk and patted Liao Nanqing’s severely swollen face, mocking him: “Don’t think about it, stay with me for treatment, I guarantee that you will get rid of the disease.”

Liao Nanqing struggled to avoid him, but he was choked by his neck.

“You say, the Su family is really rich too, do you know how much money is in that box? Haha, Su Jing that stupid bastard actually said to your mother, want her to send you to study abroad? I’m really convinced of their family’s bullshit ideas, but also pretend to think about your future, all handed over to me. You fucking have a future? You piece of shit, deserve to study?”

He grabbed Liao Nanqing’s hair, violence overflowed from the bottom of his eyes, covering Liao Nanqing’s entire vision. “Your mother has secretly sponsored you for so long, it’s time for you to repay my…my nurturing kindness, right?”

Liao Nanqing lost the ability to resist and let him abuse him, his heart kept begging for time to pass quickly, for Zhang Yuangang to get tired of abusing him soon.

Just get through this winter break, just get through it, get through it, and there would be hope…

Unfortunately, the night came faster and was longer than a hope. Long without borders, couldn’t see even a little bit of the future.

Zhang Yuangang sneered at his weakness: “Your partner, your partner is called what, Su Beimo? That boy is also perverted enough, like you, such a second-hand goods. Could he also be an ass seller?”

Before he could say anything, Liao Nanqing suddenly became sober. He pinched Zhang Yuangang’s wrist, and his nails that hadn’t been trimmed for several days sank viciously into Zhang Yuangang’s arm: “Don’t talk.. You don’t talk about him!” Liao Nanqing’s eyes instantly had an intense hatred

The bloody breath from his nails was so thin that it was far inferior to the one in his mouth.

At nine o’clock in the evening, Zhang Yuangang dragged the half-dead Liao Nanqing out.

The cold countryside was deserted, and only their family lights were on.

Li Qin cried in the back and begged him: “You don’t hit him anymore. If you go on, he will die. Please, please, don’t hit Nanqing anymore.”

She pulled Zhang Yuangang’s sleeve, covered with tears, and said in a bumpy way. “No, isn’t there that kind of school? It says it cures Internet addiction, homosexuality, everything. We’ll send him there, didn’t Su Jing give a lot of money? Let’s send him there, he’ll be fine…”

“Hasn’t he spent enough of my money? All that money should be returned to me! Damn, Laozi is really blind, want your second-hand goods!”

Zhang Yuangang waved away Li Qin impatiently. He took out a bunch of keys that he had pinned to his waist and opened the door of the basement.

Liao Nanqing was almost unconscious from the pain. His eyes were slightly open, his ears were blurry, he couldn’t hear what Li Qin was crying, but he could hear Xiao Ze’s cries. So helpless and weak, just like when he was a child.

The wrong start brought him the wrong life.

The only right thing in his life, Liao Nanqing knew, was that he had taken the initiative and made the effort to get to know Su Beimo. The rest was all wrong, none of it was right.

If it was dark and dull, it was his life.

The cold wind blew past his ears, and when he realized he was being dragged out of the house, he cried out for help, but it quickly faded away.

He passed out, in an abandoned basement full of dust and trash.

A second before closing his eyes, Liao Nanqing realized that he was probably going to die here today. If that would be the case, then his only regret in life was not being able to hug Su Beimo more before his business trip; even a little was good, it was too warm. Unlike the cold at this moment, Su Beimo was his light.




The author has something to say:
Each chapter is set when the outline is written.

The only thing I have changed in this story is that I added a few more chapters of love interaction in the previous sweet chapters.

But the integrity of the story is what I want the most as an author. I did not deliberately impose “abuse”, and I must go through the barriers that must be passed, otherwise it is incomplete in my heart. I hope this point is understood.

Of course, everyone’s definition of complete is different. Some readers want sweet forever, and some readers want sweetness and abuse.

I am trying to write a story you like to read. The road is long, sometimes bumpy, and my writing is not mature enough to express the limited things.

This chapter is the most abusive chapter in this article, and is one of the millions of trials and tribulations after coming out, just one of them.

In reality, coming out is very difficult and requires courage. I have such friends around me.

Their parents will act a lot differently than usual, some are crazy, some are desperate, and significantly less understanding. They think they can redeem their child’s sexual orientation, but keep making bad choices and decisions. But in fact, both sides are seeking the love they want, the deep-rooted ideas can not be changed. Love is also selfish. It is really hard to tell right or wrong.

A novel is always a novel, combined with shades of reality, bringing in both exaggerated and not exaggerated elements, and using my immature writing to try my best to present it to everyone.

Thanks to all of you who have been following the story with me to this chapter.


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  1. comix says:

    TT_TT So painful,scary and difficult. How can people be so damn cruel.

    1. arieskyei says:

      ikr! I cried when I first read this and still got teary eyes when translating this

  2. Psyx says:

    ༼;´༎ຶ A ༎ຶ༽

  3. ruinthyself says:

    oh fck this hurt so much QAQ

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