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RA Chapter 40

Liao Nanqing woke up from his bed in his apartment in B, he seemed to have a dream.


In the dream Grandma Su was sick, he went back to visit and kissed Su Beimo in front of the hospital. Then Su Jing found out about their relationship that he could not talk about. The sound of footsteps swirled softly in the wind, and Liao Nanqing stepped away step by step. In his dream, he broke out in a cold sweat, soaking his shirt; just like now, the collar of his pajamas was also damp. He sweated so much that his hands and feet were cold to the point of tingling, and ants were gnawing at him.


Twelve o’clock in the morning coincided with the midnight dream.


Liao Nanqing fumbled to turn on the light, the room was empty. The invisible loneliness wrapped around him, drowning and suffocating him in deep water. Ignoring the cold, Liao Nanqing walked out of the room barefoot and stubbornly opened every door.


“Su Beimo!”


Su Beimo, where are you?


“Su Beimo! Su Beimo!” He searched every corner of the apartment like a madman, and finally discovered to his horror that Su Beimo was not in the apartment at all.


Liao Nanqing suddenly crumbled and sat on the temperatureless floor, hugging his knees and clenching his teeth. He hoped that this was a dream within a dream, and that when he woke up, it would be as warm as ever.


But no matter what, the slow-coming prickly prick of winter shattered his perception, telling him hard and fast: it wasn’t a dream, none of this was a dream. They really happened, on the night of late November, approaching the first day of December.


Liao Nanqing buried his head and cried, hoarse as ever, but his dry eyes could not pump a single tear.




Quietly silent for two whole days and nights.


That night, Su Jing’s angry face blocked all Liao Nanqing’s path. Su Jing hit Su Beimo, and that fist took most of his strength. Under the faint street light, Su Beimo’s face was clearly red and swollen, with a mouthful of blood in his mouth, he swallowed without hesitation.


Liao Nanqing immediately stood in front of Su Beimo, he was subconsciously trying to protect Su Beimo, unaware that the origin of the injury was him.


Su Jing was mad, raised his hand, a slap swung halfway to stop in mid-air, froze and did not hit them. His eyes were very red, the folds at the corners of his eyes seemed to be full of tears, the furrows were clear and frozen into frost. He looked at Liao Nanqing with a gaze that was no longer as amiable as before, it had become an abyss. It was the black hole of indifference and prejudice that Liao Nanqing was familiar with.


It seemed to be asking Liao Nanqing: Why?


Liao Nanqing, who was asked with a harsh expression, was shocked and cold, and fell into hell in the next second.


Su Beimo took the opportunity to stop Su Jing during the moment of silence between them. Although the surface was calm, Su Beimo himself knew in his heart that now he was facing a panic that he had never seen before in his life. Even his voice trembled as he spoke, like a twisted and uneven line that curled and sank into the silence of the deep night: “Dad, let’s talk about it.”




Su Jing kept staring at Liao Nanqing, he did not make a move, nor did he scold him. Just staring so hard, countless reasons pierce Liao Naqing’s heart from the eyes, that was a deeper blame. What followed were tears that could no longer be trusted, Su Jing’s eyes were red, and he finally looked away and stubbornly wiped the corners of his eyes.


He took a deep breath and took a step back. As years passed, the tall figure had already grown old, and Su Jing’s endurance was reduced by time, so he almost couldn’t stand it.


“Dad, let’s talk.” Su Beimo said again, in a tone of urgent entreaty.


Su Jing did not refuse, turning sideways, one foot still on the scarf: “First let him go.”


Liao Nanqing opened his mouth, no syllables could come out. The wind penetrating his neck drilled into his body, hollowing out the blazing blood. He was even more uncomfortable than being beaten, his body was so numb that he couldn’t move a step. The cold wind of the night blew his cheeks cold, only his lips warm, but unfortunately this temperature was never enough to make him spit out half a word.


He lost his strength and was terribly afraid.


In fact, he was not afraid of anything. The only thing he was afraid of was the disappointment of the Su family in him, and he was even more afraid that Su Beimo would leave him because of this.


“Nanqing, you go home first.” Su Beimo saw the cab arrive, no matter how Liao Nanqing’s expression was, he still gritted his teeth and endured to push him into the car, and reported the address of Liao Nanqing’s home to the driver. Subsequently, Su Beimo slightly bowed his head, “Go home and wait for my messages.” He stiffly reached out and touched Liao Nanqing’s head, and then closed the car door.


Liao Nanqing reacted at once and tried to open the door, but the car door was already pushed and pressed by Su Beimo and could not be opened. The driver turned his eyes toward the disoriented Liao Nanqing and asked, “Drive, ah?”


“No, don’t drive!” Liao Nanqing cried, slapping the door from the inside, “I want to get off!”


Su Beimo clenched his fist and let go, Liao Nanqing opened the car door, before his foot took a step, his shoulder was pressed. Su Beimo’s eyes were sullen and cold, mixed with countless stars, distant and invisible, hidden into the darkness. There were no stars tonight.


“Nanqing, obedient.”


“Su Beimo, don’t throw me away…”1original line is do not don’t want me he blurted out, almost pleading, countless fears staining his brain and filling every inch of his breath. He couldn’t say anything else, this alone, spelled out clearly.


It took losing the warmth of a family to know how important a home was. Whether Su Beimo would choose him or the Su family, Liao Nanqing did not know, did not dare to think, but did not dare to be selfish.


The Su family treated him so kindly, and together they changed his gray and inferior life. Just like light would spread to any corner, Liao Nanqing was the one who was lucky to be favored. He should be grateful, but at this moment, he humbly hoped Su Beimo would not leave him behind.


Su Beimo saw the deepest fear under Liao Nanqing’s eyes.


The driver impatiently and untimely urged, “Are you going?”


Su Beimo nodded: “Go.” At the end, he wiped Liao Nanqing’s cheek with the back of his hand, the tears lost their temperature, while his tone was as gentle as ever, “Don’t be afraid, go home and wait for my message.” After a pause, he smiled bitterly and said in a dumb voice, “Trust me a little more, okay?”


“Su Beimo…”


Liao Nanqing tried to beg Su Beimo to let him stay, but Su Beimo’s gaze became very calm and could not be disobeyed. He had never seen such a serious Su Beimo in front of him before. Everything was terrible that night.


So Liao Nanqing helplessly compromised Su Beimo’s decision and left alone.


It was probably going to be winter, the wind was like a knife scraping people. Autumn was really short, fleeting, nothing could be kept, even the fallen leaves were cleaned by the cleaners. As usual, the hospital in a small city was hardly crowded at this hour.


Su Beimo was more than one meter eight, like a pole that seemed to stand in place. Su Jing was much shorter than him, in fact, not so much, but in the past few years, he became more and more shorter from him.


Su Beimo stood in front of Su Jing and respectfully called out to him, “Dad.”


Su Jing trembled and wiped his face vigorously, but couldn’t lift his feet when he wanted to go. He was frozen in place, his heart was being pinched, the pain spread and came, he could only raise his eyes and ask coldly: “Who started it?”


“It’s me.” Su Beimo did not deny it and said frankly, “I like him first.”


Su Jing threw him a slap again, in the same place. Su Beimo’s left cheek seemed to be numb, and he could not feel the pain. Only his ears shook slightly, and in a moment there was a ringing in his ears. The last time he was beaten was when he was in elementary school, when he broke the neighbor’s flower pot and refused to admit his mistake. That time, Su Jing smacked his buttocks a few times and asked him with a stern face if he still dared to do it.


The hit did not hurt him, but Su Beimo remembered it until now, the answer at that time was he didn’t dare anymore, he didn’t dare anymore.


But now, there was nothing about daring or not daring; he had grown up, had his own choice and the consciousness of judging right and wrong.


Slowly, he heard a hint of crying in Su Jing’s voice, so slight that it was not so strong.


Su Jing said, “Are you a human being?”


It turned out that Su Jing had already scribbled all the blame on his head in just a few minutes. This was just right, so that Liao Nanqing would not be blamed. Su Beimo still did not deny it, his face was extremely serious, and he was not joking right now.


The tall figure stood in the cold wind, Su Beimo’s hair was blown messy, and the corner of his eyes missed one side of the light.


“Dad, I’m serious.” He pretended to be calm, each sentence sure of its tone. “I want to be with Nanqing. Sooner or later, I will tell you this matter, even if it is not today, it will be tomorrow, or sometime in the future. I want to be with him forever for a lifetime. I know it’s not easy, but it’s really no longer easy. I choose the path and go on my own.”


There was wind passing through the gap between the two, and there was a dead silence. It turned out the silence was so terrible.




And since this evening, Liao Nanqing hadn’t seen Su Beimo.


Except for the next day, he received a message from Su Beimo, a message for him to go back to City B first. Other than that, there was not a single word of contact.


Liao Nanqing did not want to go back alone at first, he was so worried about Su Beimo that he did not close his eyes for one night. But no matter if he went to the hospital or Su Beimo’s home, he couldn’t see Su Beimo as he wished.


Even at the entrance of the hospital ward, he was stopped by Su Ya.


“Your Uncle Su called me to the hospital to change with him last night as if he had taken gunpowder. I don’t even know where Beimo has gone.” Su Ya didn’t know it yet, and she felt distressed to see the haggard Liao Nanqing. “What’s wrong? Did not sleep well last night? Hey, grandma will feel distressed when she sees you like this. Go back and rest. I’m the one here. Your grandma Su is really fine, so don’t worry too much.”


Liao Nanqing was overwhelmed by Su Ya’s gentle voice coaxing him, there was a time when his mother was also so gentle. Su Ya brought him too many good impressions, like a tentative mother role. But if Su Ya knew about his relationship with Su Beimo, would she be as disappointed and determined as Su Jing was last night?


Nine years ago, he ruined the peace of the Liao family.


Nine years later, he ruined the peace of the Su family.


Liao Nanqing did not dare to think about it, subconsciously he began to escape. But as soon as he opened his eyes, tears fell down. He had no choice but to fall into tears, not knowing what to do.


The uncertainty invaded him.


Su Ya was frightened by him and hurriedly wiped Liao Nanqing’s tears. Liao Nanqing pushed her hand away and took two steps back in confusion. Su Ya called out to him, but he was terrified and trembled badly. Liao Nanqing messily wiped away his own tears and turned to Su Ya after a long time without calming himself.


“Aunt Su, I’m sorry.”


After a short while, he turned around and left without stopping, buying a ticket and hoofing it back to City B. He should trust Su Beimo, since he said he should go back to City B first,he would definitely be able to solve it. He would wait for Su Beimo in his apartment, even when he dreamed back in the middle of the night, he could always wake up until dawn, and waited until he was out of his mind.



A ray of the morning sun fell, millions of light lifted the velvet of the night.


Liao Nanqing sat on the ground groggy, unable to cry, he started to get up. School classes had to be attended, Lin Quan’s bakery had to be helped, and Ge Yun’s foot injury still had to be visited. He had many things to do, but they were all null and void until he heard from Su Beimo.


He couldn’t do a single thing, his mind stopped like a clock with the batteries removed, the tail swinging.


The weather was getting colder and colder, and Liao Nanqing couldn’t help but dial numerous calls to Su Beimo. If Su Beimo continued to be silent, he would return to the town again today and take the initiative to stand in front of Su Jing.



However, the considerate Su Jing gave him this opportunity first.


The doorbell outside the apartment rang, Liao Nanqing heard Su Beimo’s footsteps in a trance, and went to open the door without putting on his slippers. A word was like a knuckle in the throat, without a syllable, it was alive and kicking.


Su Jing was standing outside the door with a tired face: “Nanqing, let’s talk.”


“Uncle Su.” Liao Nanqing shouted, and there was no hope in his empty eyes. He turned sideways and rubbed his eyes, like a child making mistakes. Su Jing pursed his lips while watching the action, and couldn’t say a word of cruelty. Su Jing sighed heavily and walked into the room.


The door was automatically closed, Liao Nanqing muddled behind Su Jing, forgetting to make tea and pour water, and spoke mumblingly, “Uncle Su, Su Beimo… where is him?”


“Sit down.” Su Jing did not answer and dragged away a chair.


“Su Beimo, where is he? Uncle Su, Su Beimo he…” Liao Nanqing was so anxious that he couldn’t speak well, “You take him…”


Su Jing interrupted him: “He is at home, Su Ya is with him. I am his father, I will not harm him.”


Liao Nanqing’s heart ‘thumped’, now even Su Ya knew, she must be incredibly disgusted with him, regretting the warmth that she gave to him. If it were possible, the Su family would want to take it all back at this moment, not wanting to give him a single minute of charity. So, when everyone was against it, would Su Beimo compromise?


Countless unsettling doubts were in the heart again like a tidal wave, scrambling to the surface, naked they became extravagant hopes and greed, and their scales were removed and exposed to the sun, and they were ashamed.


“I apologize to you for Beimo, it was his selfishness and immaturity that led you astray.”


Su Jing came here prepared: “To apologize, after a while, I want to send you abroad to study. Until you graduate, I will bear all the expenses.”




T/N: I scheduled this for Nov 2, 12 am and when I opened my dashboard today, it says ‘missed schedule’, like how can even??? anyway, here you go!


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    original line is do not don’t want me
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